Saturday, March 23, 2019

Date Chat (continued)

her (in quotes): "The world has good things in it too. How about music and art?"
me (not): i know it does. But it's little consultation for many. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death. I love music, but i can be quite miserable while listening to it. life is hard. life is pain. so why are there 7.7 billion of us? those are the 2 most backward things about society to me. it's socially acceptable to perpetrate/support animal cruelty & bring people into a very messed-up world, & that most people do these things. belief in god as well, but that's a distant 3rd for me. the 1st 2 bother me everyday: multiple times a day. I also think it's stupid & dangerous to ride motorcycles in traffic & climb mountains like Everest. I think it's stupid to get tattoos

"Tell me about the daily sacrifices that you make for the sake of animals."

That seems confrontational. when you DON"T eat whatever you want, EVERYDAY, when you refuse to support animal cruelty, that is a sacrifice. i get the message out on Twitter. i receive emails asking me to take action, sign petitions, contact elected reps & i do. i spent a lot of time & effort writing an "animal liberation" book & if you are judging me, i'll remind you what i said about not caring at all what people think about me. after all, i did not ask for this existence. my parents forced it on me, which i've never done to someone

"I didn't mean to be confrontational. I'm wondering what you could do that would be a sacrifise. Those things that mention are things that you do, but they don't seem like a sacrifice. I think of sacrifice as you giving up something for their benefit. Does that mean that you really love eating meat and not eating it is a sacrifice for you? I was vegan for many years and I didn't ever consider it to be a sacrifice."
if i didn't care about animals, i'd be eating bacon cheeseburgers. i don't like veggies. it is a sacrifice. doesn't everyone like pizza? i haven't bought it since 2002
"I didn't eat any of that stuff for about 15 years and it was no big deal."
i guess it was because you went back to eating it

"There are soilders who fall on bombs to save their comrades. There was a mass shooting in New Zealand recently and an unarmed student rushed the shooter to let others get away. Those are sacrifices. Not eating a burger is nothing."
is that how you want your son/daughter to go out? wonderful world you brought them into, right? all these mass shootings, terrorist attacks, tons of other assorted violence, &, of course, nasty, judgmental people
"My son sitting here reading this with me tells me that he is very happy to be alive."
will he be when he's 85 & a weak (body & mind), pain-ridden mess?
(no reply as of posting)

Friday, March 22, 2019

Probably the End

I thought i'd heard the last from the woman I went on 2 dates with, then she messaged me again. I read this (from her) today:
"My attraction to someone develops through feeling a connection with them. I don't know yet if that will happen with you."
my reply:
i'm not someone who's driven by the pursuit of $, greed & selfishness. what people think about me, their judgements, it doesn't matter to me. I do my best to not support animal cruelty, & i've never gotten a woman pregnant. you may as well know sooner than later (she's procreated twice) that I think it's cruel for people to bring people or animals into a world that is so obviously cold, cruel, brutal, & dangerous. You seem intelligent, so I don't need to list all the problems with this world. the news does that everyday anyway. so i am proud of the way i've lived my life. I'm a merciful person who makes sacrifices everyday for the sake of animals. & if people don't appreciate me for who i am, then I'm not interested in them.

Monday, March 18, 2019

Current Online Dating Profile

this is my current online dating profile:
"CAUTION: this was written by someone who's REAL. w/all the fakeness out there, it might be a shock to the system.
i refuse to support animal cruelty (buy meat, egg, dairy, leather, etc). if you think there's nothing wrong with supporting animal cruelty, if you never see yourself being a vegetarian or vegan, then i'm not interested in you.
If ya want to have kids, I ain't interested in ya either.
i'm not an optimist; i'm a realist.
i don't care to be a conformer. i have my own mind.
it's sad, but i find that women are more likely to judge me when it comes to how much of a loser i am as opposed to my morals & values, which i'm proud of
my experience is, if women are considering dating me, they will interrogate/judge me: fine. i will be brutally honest, because there's no point in wasting time, nor do i want to be w/someone who's obsessed w/$, status, because that's so typical."

Friday, October 19, 2018


no explanation: except for the obvious: insanity
I've been meaning to do this for a while. I've tweeted that I can't do my job anymore, and it's true. it's so incredibly boring and repetitive. Not only do I see the same coworkers, but the same customers as well. I hate seeing those faces. I need a change.
Today, I sat on the counter while I had no customers in my fucking face, and a coworker said there was an email about sitting on counters and reading. Before I left, I briefly looked for that email, but didn't find it. I was, after all, wanting to get the fuck out of there ASAP as I always am when the day is finally over. I'll look for it tomorrow night when I'll have plenty of time.
I have no reason to doubt the email was sent. It seems like it's targeting me specifically. I sit on the counter, and I read when I get a chance to. What does the typical person do when they get a chance? They stare at their fucking phones. They text, surf the web, etc. Not me. I recently finally bought a smartphone, because the phone I had died. But I only have an inexpensive talk plan on it: no text and no Internet. I began sitting on the counter, because I have a lot of pain in my feet and legs, and standing all day doesn't help. I suppose I should probably tell them that. Maybe I should also tell them I have depression and OCD, and maybe that's why they think I'm a miserable "asshole."
So now I'm thinking compromise. I won't stop reading when I get a chance: no fucking way.  Seems like, all of a sudden, the store manager has a problem with it. The assistant store managers don't.  So maybe I'll just do what I used to do: lean on the counter.  But if the pain is too great, then I'll go back to sitting on the counter (There are 2, so I'm facing the 1 I'm using.).
There's the possibility of applying for another job in the store. Instead of being a cashier, I'd work in a department (If they'd hire me. I applied for a head cashier job, which I was def qualified for, & I didn't even get an interview: just an email saying "no thanks."). But then I wouldn't be able to stand on the anti-fatigue mats I stand on most of the time; I'd be walking on the concrete floor.  As I mentioned, I already have a lot of pain in my feet and legs. So I think I have to leave. God, I hate looking for a job; I really despise it. And I'm "unskilled," so my chances of getting a good job, that I like, are slim to none. What if I got a job where I have to sit all day? That's probably, in the long run, worse than standing all day. It's not good to bend your spine too much. It seems like we were meant to be "straight:" standing or lying down.
I feel best outside. I've thought about living in the wilderness. But the reality is I'm addicted to living in society with it's comforts (That we pay so dearly for.).  It's not realistic.
So, once again, death. I've contemplated suicide. I've threatened to do it. I've attempted to do it.  Living is pain. It's suffering.
Maybe I'll quit my job and do some traveling. I'll make sure to pack the nylon rope I bought to hang myself about 10 years ago. I don't know how long the trip would last. Being on the road by myself seems lonely, and, from what I remember, it is. I don't like driving at all; the intelligent, sensitive person is stressed out by it, because it's so dangerous. 
So all signs point to death. Even when I'm not working, I'm miserable. Work just takes it to another level.  

Tuesday, January 16, 2018


Image result for antinatalism
It's been a while. As I've mentioned previously, I've been more active on Twitter, & the account is here: In fact, I've been sort of addicted to the instant gratification one can get from posting there.
It was there that I recently discovered the word "antinatalism." This is from Wikipedia:
"Antinatalism is a philosophical position that assigns a negative value to birth. Antinatalists argue that people should refrain from procreation because it is immoral. In scholarly and in literary writings, various ethical foundations have been adduced for antinatalism.  Some of the earliest surviving formulations of the idea that it would be better not to have been born come from ancient Greece.  The term "antinatalism" is in opposition to the term "natalism" or "pro-natalism", and was used probably for the first time as the name of the position by Théophile de Giraud (born 1968) in his book L'art de guillotiner les procréateurs: Manifeste anti-nataliste."
So those who know me from here know that I am an antinatalist.  It turns out that there are quite a few people like me. I didn't know that.  It seemed like I was surrounded by breeders.  Of course I am, but there is a whole community of people who, like me, think it's cruel to bring someone into this world of pain, fear, misery, violence, suffering, addiction, depression, suicide, death, disease, disabilities, hostility, stupidity, frustration, etc.
I'm still not working on my next book. I have no hope that anyone will have any interest in it, so it seems like a waste of time.  

Saturday, December 23, 2017

It's All Shit

Image result for life sucks
The antidepressants aren't working.  I hate life.  My life is pathetic.  I have no friends.  I don't even understand the concept of friendship.  I'm 100% sure that it's cruel to bring someone into this world.  Life is torture.  This society is so fake, so false.  People put a fake smile on, but there's so much misery.  I know I'm not the only one.  I'll be alone for Xmas again.  I'm always alone for the holidays.  I don't know what to do with my time.  I read a little.  I watch TV.  I tweet.  I exercise.  I'm just going through the motions; none of it brings any real satisfaction.  I should have killed myself a long time ago.  My life is a bad deal; it's consistently shitty.  I have very little hope that my life will get better.