Sunday, November 22, 2020

Just in Case

if you're here from twitter because i stopped posting, i ask that you NOT ask twitter or anyone to do a wellness check on me. i wouldn't do that to anyone. you can really interfere badly with someone if you do that. for me, no good, only bad, can come to me from someone doing that. SUBJECT CHANGE, since blogger has changed for the worse. i clearly made a new paragraph, but they got jammed together. that's people for ya. gotta change: even if it's for the worse. anyway, this is presumptuous. not like anyone would give a fuck, but just in case. don't recall when, but months ago at least, i began saving tweets of mine i felt like saving. they're in a file on my computer called "FUN STUFF." there's quite a bit of stuff in that file, but if someone just enters "tweeted" as a keyword search, it will take 1 to them, because i always added "tweeted x" to the tweets (x being the date it was posted). and i've also saved tweets in a file called "saved tweets."

Tuesday, August 4, 2020

A Proposal

(submitted to the NY Times as an op-ed: no reply) I'm willing to donate my body, and all its organs, to people who need them in exchange for a reliable, peaceful, painless death. I am an antinatalist. I strongly feel as though I never should have been born. No one has ever consented to being born and submitting to all of society's rules and laws. And if one doesn't live the way one is "supposed to," there can be very grave consequences to face: homelessness, addiction, incarceration, being the victim of violence, etc. I have OCD and depression, or is life in society the problem? If someone is depressed, they "have a problem," which is traditionally treated with therapy and/or antidepressants (I've tried therapy and a few different antidressants without any real sastisfaction.). But what if they simply can't stand doing the same things everyday: urinating, defecating, butt wiping, rushing, in a commute that is potentially very dangerous, to get to a job they hate, on time? I also hate shopping, cleaning, laundry, in short, I hate life. I have attempted suicide. I've tried to hang myself several times, and, obviously, I have failed every time. Perhaps it's because, as an adult, all my homes have been apartments, and one would assume, when designing an apartment, one wouldn't want to make it easy for a tenant to hang oneself, since dead tenants don't pay rent. Very frustratingly, the pills that would allow one to die reliably, peacefully, painlessly already exist, but, unfortuantely for people like me, I can't just make an appointment with a doctor and have them prescribed to me. I'm alone. I'm old. I'm quite sure life isn't for me. I am childfree. I have no pets, animals to take care of. I'm not married, don't have a significant other, have very few friends and haven't seen any of them in months, so I wouldn't be leaving anyone behnd, and isn't it my life anyway? People need organs. We know this. As I mentioned, do with my body and all its organs whatever you want as long as I get a "good" death. Help me die, and my organs will help people live. Isn't it a better alternative than someone jumping or lying in front of a train and leaving a grisly corpse that children might find? Desperate times call for desperate measures. Though, truth be told, as much as I hate my life, like many people, I'm terrified of a horribly painful suicide, and even more, surviving it only to be worse off than before (paralysis, for example). Why should I continue miserably? I am environemntally conscious, and people are bad for the environment. I have a car, so I reluctantly contribute to climate change. I try very hard to not be wasteful, but every time I use toilet paper, etc, I am wasting. This is a serious offer. Though considering I'd be giving my life and my body, I'd prefer to not have to pay for the procedure.

Thursday, March 26, 2020

Email to My Mother

my mother: "Have you called any of the tel #s I gave you? Please keep in touch."

me: i haven't. i'm taking antidepressants now, they're not helping, & i've taken a few different kinds & none have worked. therapy hasn't worked either. i hate life. i hate pissing, shitting, wiping my ass, shit jobs I hate, cleaning, laundry, shopping, & all these other things i hate doing. i hate my chronic pain, aging, that i've lost my looks & i can look forward to getting older, uglier, weaker, & more pain

Saturday, January 11, 2020

New Online Dating Profile

i ain't a liar. i'll be brutally honest, so we don't waste our time.
out of work right now bc i hated my job, so i quit, which is an honest thing to do. don't like it? MOVE ON! I DON'T CARE! ain't broke, tho. have $ in savings from working
i have very lil faith in this at this point, bc most ppl are such hardcore conformers & so simple-minded
i refuse to support animal cruelty (buy meat, egg, dairy, leather, etc). that means for me, you, ANYONE.
I'm sure i don't want to have kids, so if u want to, look elsewhere. this is a very f'd up world, which should be obvious. glad i haven't forced any1 into it
i'm not an optimist; i'm a realist.
i don't care to be a conformer. i have my own mind.
i don't believe in god
ciao, bella!

Just in Case

if you're here from twitter because i stopped posting, i ask that you NOT ask twitter or anyone to do a wellness check on me. i wouldn&#...