Sunday, October 26, 2014

Family

 
There has been much negativity posted here and with good reason.  But this one will be at least partially different.  I've been clear about my opinions when it comes to biological parents.  This is an f-upped world; therefore, it is f-upped to bring someone into it.  That being said, I'm feeling warm and fuzzy toward my mother, my grandma, and my mother's "boyfriend" (He's older than a boy.).
My car died approximately a year ago.  I don't have the money to buy another.  I could have bought one on credit, but I was really just overwhelmed by the thought of it.  Besides, I'm living on credit cards, and I'm constantly going further into debt.  I have resented my parents for bringing me into this world: especially in the way they did-2 kids fooling around and not using protection.  It's far from an ideal situation.  So I was ignoring my mother for a while.  I've ignored her for years.  But she emailed me, asked me how I was, and I honestly told her.  Not too long after, she asked me if I wanted her car.  If I did, she'd buy another one.  I needed help, so I accepted her generous offer.  After some excited waiting, I finally found out that she had bought a used car and was ready to give me her old car.
So I took the bus to New York City.  I took the subway to Queens, which is where my grandma has lived for decades.  I took the elevator to her apartment, and reunited with my mother and my grandma.  They were both kind and generous to me.  My grandma threw money at me.  Then my mother and I went to her house on Long Island.  I was exhausted, so I went to bed early.  The next day, we had a great morning.  We got along very well.  I was so appreciative of what they had done for me.  My mother let me know that grandma had made it all possible by providing her with the money to buy her car, so she could give me her old one.  My mother's boyfriend did some work on the car and told me some things I needed to know about it.
I made the trip back home a couple of days ago.  I hit crazy traffic in NYC (shocker!), but I got home safely, and now I have a car.  I am very thankful toward my grandma, mother, and her boyfriend.  I am understanding why people say family is so important.    

Friday, October 17, 2014

The Overrated List

 
1. Life-existence is the most overrated thing in the world by far.  Watch the news and see how many horrible things are happening to people and animals.  Read your history and see how people and animals have suffered through the ages.  I'll stop here because I've covered this territory before.
2. Sex-I've covered this topic before as well.  I can go into more detail, though.  Sex is very simplistic.  It's just inserting a peg into a hole: big whup.  It's amazing what people will tolerate to get some sex.  They will marry someone they don't really even like, but is attractive to them.  They'll spend tons of money in an attempt to have sex with someone.  I masturbate and don't have to put up with any of that crap.  But sex is destructive.  It ruins lives.  People are brought into this world of pain as a result of sex.  Sex is evil.  If I'm strong enough, I'll never have it again (with a partner).  Rape, child molestation, and incest are all by-products of sex.  Let's not forget STDs: like AIDS, herpes, syphilis, and gonorrhea.  It is very smart to not have sex with other people.  Just masturbate.  If you do, you'll experience the best part of sex: orgasm. 
3. Watching sports-When I was a kid, I was a huge sports fan.  However, in 1999, the Yankees won the World Series, and I felt nothing.  I was a Yankee fan.  I was watching these multimillionaires jumping around like children, and it did nothing for me.  They had reason to celebrate.  They were being paid very, very well to play a kid's game.  Recently, Derek Jeter retired.  The media made a big deal about it.  People were thanking him.  I got some news for ya.  He's already been thanked: with millions of dollars and he's been banging hotties!  It's so pathetic to me that people who are just getting by financially are rooting so hard for these millionaires and feel like when they win, WE win.  We?  You didn't win.  The millionaires won.
4. Marriage-I've never been married, and I have no plans to do so.  I think I have a good excuse.  By the time I was 13, my mother had been divorced twice.  If 2 people need to break up, NOTHING should stop it.  Let's be real.  Marriage has contributed to domestic violence.  There's no doubt.  Women have certainly thought, "I should leave him, but we're MARRIED."  It only led to more violence: or murder.               

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Poetry


I did not write these poems. 

Richard Cory

By Edwin Arlington Robinson
Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was richyes, richer than a king
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head. 

This Be The Verse

By Philip Larkin
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.   
    They may not mean to, but they do.   
They fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   
Who half the time were soppy-stern
    And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
    And don’t have any kids yourself.

Thank god for Suicide

 
I don't capitalize god.  If he or she doesn't like it, he or she can put a lightning bolt through my head.  Come on, god!  I dare ya!  I dare you to put a lightning bolt through me head.  Yeah, that's what I thought.  Kiss my ass.
Anyway, suicide is a necessary evil.  I'm so glad it exists.  It's always there: 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.  I can end my pain at any time.  It's a real comfort to know I can do it, and I can do it in a number of ways.  Variety is the spice of life (and death).  I've pondered suicide quite a bit.  I know it's ugly.  I don't want to do it.  But, according to my beliefs, it effectively ends pain.  One of the things that keeps me from doing it is imagining my body trying to survive.  I think of suicide as the mind killing the body.  The mind attempts to kill the body, but the body struggles to survive.  It thrashes around on the end of a noose and tries to not drown.  Everyday, I try to take good care of my body.  I hate the thought of killing it.  So I don't want to kill myself.  But life sucks.  I don't understand how people can start a whole business by printing "Life is good." on T-shirts (and whatnot) and be successful.  Life is not good.  I feel like I'm living in a Twilight Zone episode.  Most people are miserable, but they say they're happy and life is good. 
Another example of a necessary evil is abortion.  I was definitely born too late.  If I had been conceived in 1974 (or later), I probably would have been aborted.  I would have avoided so much pain: past, present, and future.  I was the unwanted result of teenage sex.  I'm pro-choice.  Countless people have avoided unfathomable amounts of pain because their lives were nipped in the bud.  Because I've had so little sex, and some luck, I've never gotten a woman pregnant.  It really is important to always be learning and progressing.  I saw an excellent documentary on abortion.  I thought I was all for it.  Then I saw the aftermath of one.  I saw the baby body parts on the doctor's tray.  I saw an arm and a head with at least one eye.  It didn't make me agree with the pro-life people, but it helped me understand them more.  Abortion is necessary, but it's ugly.     

Just in Case

if you're here from twitter because i stopped posting, i ask that you NOT ask twitter or anyone to do a wellness check on me. i wouldn&#...