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| She's the Bumpkinest Bumpkin of all; she's Bumpkin! |
Her sisters Sloopy and Lucinda cheered.
"Do they even know what a picnic or the moon is?" I asked.
"Of course! I've taught them many words. They just can't say any: yet. I'm working on it."
"Are you serious about a picnic on the moon? How do we do that?"
"Yes, I'm serious. And don't worry about it; I'll handle everything: as usual. Can you just pack everything we need?"
"Of course, Miss Bumpkin." I found my picnic basket and began to fill it with goodies while the sisters watched Groundhog Day (again!). Once I was sure we had enough, I said, "We're all packed up, Bumpkin."
"Good, now we'll go outside."
All of us walked out of the building. As soon as we did, we were engulfed in a gigantic bubble. Then we ascended, within the bubble, rapidly. Lucinda and Sloopy whooped it up; they were having a great time. As for me...
"Holy crap! What's that smell?" asked Bumpkin.
"I'm sorry, Bumpkin. I pooped in my pants."
"OMG! Once again, I can't take you anywhere!" My pants suddenly came off me. The part where I stick my legs in floated right in front of my face. "Did you soil your pants?" Bumpkin asked.
I took a good look at the inside of the pants: especially the part that covers my butt. "They're okay, Bumpkin. They're clean."
"Okay then, it's just your underwear."
My underwear immediately came off me and fell through the bottom of the bubble: back towards Earth. "You know, Bumpkin, I've told you before, but there are a lot of good reasons to not litter or pollute."
"I know, I know!" She fired a fireball from her left front paw that likewise passed through the bubble. I knew what that was for. It was on its way to incinerating my filthy underpants. "By the way, maybe you could practice what you preach and stop polluting your underwears."
"I'm sorry, Bumpkin. I'm still not used to space travel."
"Well get used to it, Buster! I'm tired of wasting my powers on cleaning your poopy butt!"
Back on Earth, a washcloth levitated in a Bed, Bath, and Beyond store. People watched, amazed, as it floated toward the rest rooms. The door to the men's room opened, and the washcloth flew inside. It hovered in a sink as the faucet turned on and doused it with warm water. Then the soap dispenser made its contribution to the cleanliness of my backside. Then, as the damp washcloth made its exit, it was followed by a towel. Next thing I knew, my dirty backside was being washed by the soapy washcloth. Once my butt was clean, the towel dried it. Once my butt was dry, Bumpkin jettisoned the washcloth and towel from the bubble and toasted them. All this time, I was modestly covering my private parts with my hands. In a Kmart, a package of underwear opened. A pair flew out, exited the store, and made it's way to my body. They entered the bubble and Bumpkin, using her powers, dressed me.
"Thanks, Bumpkin, but these underwear are a little tight."
"Give me a break! I thought you wore medium-sized undies!"
"Sometimes, there are some differences between brands."
In many stores, packages of men's underwear opened. Pairs upon pairs of them exited stores and chased our bubble. They arrived. Pairs and pairs of them entered our bubble. The bubble was filling rapidly with underpants. Sloopy and Lucinda loved it. It was as though it was raining underpants, but from below instead of above.
"See any you like?" asked Bumpkin.
"Yeah, thanks Bumpkin, I'm good."
TO BE CONTINUED.
😂
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