Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Dear mama

I'm so disappointed with you. I'm so unlucky to have been stuck with you. You're shit, but you're too delusional to know it.
You don't give a fuck about me: you never have. I'm just a mistake you made. You even literally called me a "mistake" when I was a kid when explaining how I came into this wretched existence. I've just been an obligation, a drag, a killjoy, because you were young, you were 19 when you got pregnant with me. Then dad left when I was 2, so there went your help, you had to raise me on your own, more reasons to resent my existence.
So, because of your actions, you had to work 2 jobs. And when you were done, you frequently went out, because you were a young slut. So this led to me spending a lot of time home alone: not so good for social development.
You got married for the second time to Ken. he moved in. then his son, Mike, moved it, & you really weren't happy about that. Even though he was only 13 (I was too), you treated him very unfairly. You were always mean to him: & Ken too. You physically attacked Ken several times. He had a lot of patience until 1 time he wrestled you to the ground after you attacked him. You screamed at me to call the police. I didn't, but you did. they came to the house & it was humiliating. One time, at dinner, you threw your iced tea at Ken, then you immediately refilled your glass & doused Mike, even though he wasn't a part of the argument. The whole time Mike was there, you behaved like a child having a tantrum. You even made him kneel next to the toilet so you could slam his head against it for leaving the seat up. Eventually, of course, they both left. You're a 2-time loser (divorcee). No wonder I've never "tied the knot."
You smacked my head because you thought I hadn't finished my homework, but I had, & I showed it to you. You cried, apologized, & hugged me. I was thinking, get the fuck off me.
Then I was molested by your Uncle Harry when I was a teen. You knew he liked to go to gay bars, but you made it easy for him. You let him sleep in the same bedroom as me. I woke to him kissing me on the mouth, fondling my crotch, & murmuring about "young flesh." when he saw I woke, he was terrified. he gestured toward the bedroom where you & grandma were sleeping and said, "shh!" at least he stopped molesting me. I didn't say anything about it until after he died. Your reaction was very disappointing. Seems like maybe you didn't believe me. Years later, I'm in your house, & I see a picture of Uncle Harry with his sisters. I confronted you about not only having a picture of a child molester on your bookcase, but the man who had molested YOUR OWN SON, & you waddled your fat ass over to it & put it into a drawer: your body language expressing that I was the 1, not YOU, who was out of line. You're so childish & delusional. despite all evidence, you think you're perfect: typical human.
Years later, my ex was visiting me at your house, & you blamed Mike for your failed 2nd marriage. I really had to bite my tongue because I was there. YOU were responsible for the failure of that marriage: not him. He was a 13-year-old boy who was traumatized by your shit, you delusional liar.
When I was walking to your house (during daytime), 1 of your neighbors interrogated me while his fat ass was seated in his vehicle. he said, "we've had some burglaries. what are you doing here?" he obviously seems to think he has more rights than the police do when it comes to confronting people. You saw this, you attention whore, so you poked your fat ass out the front door. after you realized what the situation was, your neighbor interrogating your son because he was walking down the street, that didn't stop you from having a pleasant conversation with him, you piece of fucking shit.

Friday, May 24, 2019

What a Fucking Day

Another shit day at work. Dealing with an old fool (I have to deal with plenty of them at work.), I got a little frustrated with him & raised my voice a little. He said, "Well, don't get sore about it!" But he wasn't done. The old fool has quite a temper. He did some more snapping at me, &, as he was leaving, I laughed at him. Then he got really pissed off. He called me a jerk. Since I was at work, I said, "It takes one to know one." Outside of work, I probably would have called him an asshole. He got in my fucking face: hilarious! The guy's like 30 years older than me. I could demolish him. I stepped back, & said, derisively, "get out of my face." He said, "fuck you," & so did I. I could get fired for that; I'm sure.
But that was nothing compared to what was waiting for me in the mailbox. The IRS sent me a bill for $664. Some DUMB ASS ignored the amount of NYS tax I paid that I wrote on the form & the stub from my employer & assumed I payed 0 state income tax for the whole year: UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE! And today is the Friday before Memorial Day weekend, so this shit will be hanging over my head for 3 WHOLE FUCKING DAYS before I can call them. When it rains, it pours. If I can't convince them I don't owe that money, it will be DEVASTATING.
Also, my mother sent me a letter asking me to drive from here (Rochester, NY) to my grandma's apt (Queens, NYC) so I can spend a few days with the 2 of them. So fucking presumptuous. She's like, we'll do this, & we'll do that. I don't think so!
Everyday I'm being punished for not killing myself.
  

Just in Case

if you're here from twitter because i stopped posting, i ask that you NOT ask twitter or anyone to do a wellness check on me. i wouldn&#...