Contempt

I find it very difficult to live in this society, because I have contempt for
-mentally-competent adults that selfishly support animal cruelty by buying meat, leather, fur, etc.
-mentally-competent adults that have procreated
-mentally-competent adults that have brought animals into this world
-mentally-competent adults that spend a lot of time with their faces in their smartphones.
So, once again, obviously, I am not targeting children or the mentally disabled.  I get along with the sorts of people I have just mentioned, mostly because I have to.  I get along quite well with a coworker who eats meat and has kids.  I like her.  Interestingly, we were talking one day, and she admitted, unsolicited, that life is shitty.  Do you regret having kids?  That's the question I wanted to ask but didn't.  I need to do whatever I need to do to get through the day at work.  If I hated, and scowled at, all my coworkers that eat meat, have procreated, and have their faces in their phones every chance they get, I'd be hated.  I have no friends, so I need to try to get along with my coworkers as well as I can.  But whenever I see them eating meat, or hear them talking about their favorite meat dishes, I can feel the contempt bubbling up inside me.  Likewise when I see them with (or hear them talking about) their kids.  Seeing them with their faces in their phones reminds me of the contempt too.
So, again, leaving it all for the wilderness seems like a good idea.  I wouldn't have to be around people I have contempt for.  But the same issues come to mind: bugs bugging me, lack of heat, showers, and toilet paper.  It seems like I can't win.     

You Got What You Deserved (Smartphone Edition)

You're walking while your face is firmly in your smartphone.  You're not watching where you're going.  Apparently, it's the rest of the world's responsibility to get out of your way.  You step into the street.  A truck squashes your body as though it was a bug.  You got what you deserved.
You're walking on a sidewalk, and your face is in your smartphone.  You don't realize that you're walking straight toward a particularly violent ex-con, who's having a difficult time acclimating to his new-found freedom and longs for the simplicity of prison life.  Since he doesn't mind being incarcerated again, he punches your face viciously just before you were going to bump into him, which is only the beginning of the brutal beating you will suffer at his hands.  You got what you deserved. 
You're surfing the web while you're driving on a highway.  You get into a nasty accident, which is 100% your fault.  The other driver in the accident is severely injured, so he sues your ass.  Your injuries are worse than his, though, and you will never walk again.  You got what you deserved. 

Fuck the Norm!

You buy and eat meat.  Do you ever think that it's wrong to support animal cruelty?  I don't know.  You eat, and talk about, your favorite meat dishes with a smile on your face.  It seems like you don't care about the animals you're eating.  But most people are doing it.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!  It's cruel! 
You have brought 4 kids into this world.  Look around.  Watch the news.  Study the history of the world.  This is an extremely violent planet!  It is full of pain, despair, misery, loneliness, disease, depression, suicide, war, terrorism, harassment, bullying, molestation, rape, murder, and death.  But most people have kids.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!  It's cruel to bring someone into this world to suffer!
You litter.  You don't recycle.  You don't give a fuck about the environment.  You think it's funny to say things like, "Hey, when it (the Earth) all goes to shit, I'll be dead by then."  You're worthless trash!  Hey, rich fucks, if us poor fucks round these assholes up, will you launch their worthless asses into space?  And, once there, we can just let them float away, to their deaths, with no space suits.  Fuck the norm! 
You believe in god.  You even believe every word of the bible, which is stupid, because it's a ridiculous story: full of crap that doesn't happen in the real world.  You pray for someone, and you're proud of yourself: absurd!  Pray for someone, and you've done NOTHING!  It's so lazy!  It's just a thought.  You're proud of yourself for thinking a nice thought about somebody?  How about getting off your fat ass and DOING something, you lazy, stupid fuck!  But most people (supposedly) believe in god.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!  It's fucking stupid!  In thousands of years of human existence, there has been zero proof that god exists! 
To be sung to the tune of "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" (Wang Chung song)-
"Everybody look at your phone, everybody be a mindless drone
Everybody look at your phone, and be a mindless fucking drone
You're a mindless fucking drone, because you're ruled by your phone"
You have a smartphone, and you love it.  Every chance you get, your face is in that phone.  I've seen parents paying more attention to their phones than their young children: plenty of times!  The phones are taking over!  They are ruling their masters, because they are smarter, and superior, to them.  Don't allow a device to hypnotize you!  Get off of Facebook for a bit!  It's mostly garbage!  I reconnected with my aforementioned "frenemy" because of Facebook, and he's a bad influence.  He got me back into drinking and smoking weed.  I was better off without him, and now he's back where he belongs: out of my life!  Here's an idea.  Keep your face in your phone for too long, and people have the right to punch your typical face!  Fuck you!  This culture has turned to shit, because legions of you have your faces in your phones 24/fucking/7!  But most people have their stupid, typical faces in their phones all the fucking time.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!!!!!!     

This World Is Not for Me

These are reasons why this world is not for me:
Violence-there is way too much of it, and there probably always has been.
Misery-I see it all around me.  I'm miserable.  Many of my coworkers are, etc.
Pain-it hurts.
Way too many people are cruel to animals (Buying meat is being cruel to animals, because one supports animal cruelty when one does it.).
Way too many people bring people and/or animals into this world to suffer.
Eating meat and procreating are part of the status quo.
Depression-it's horrible; it makes you choose between suffering and suicide.  And it's extremely expensive to treat it in this greedy country that cares so much more about money than its citizens.
Too much shit-literally and figuratively.  I hate shitting and wiping.  I hate all the shitty things I have to do.
Horrible possibilities-I could be falsely convicted for murder and spend the rest of my life in prison.  People have been paralyzed from the neck down by strokes that came out of nowhere.  Car accidents kill and main people everyday.
Facing the deterioration of the mind and body due to aging.
It's unfair-pieces of shit like Trump get to be rich (and president) as a result of being born with silver spoons in their mouths.  Rich people obviously enjoy a better quality of life than other people do.  They don't have to clean their homes.  They don't have to hear their neighbors.  They don't have to work shitty jobs: surrounded by stupid, boring people.
This smartphone culture is shit.  I hate it.  I hate seeing people staring at their phones.  These smartphone zombies are ruining things.  New York is a great city, but the sidewalks are clogged with these assholes.  They could be looking at the incredible architecture, but, instead, they're looking at Facebook.  I hate selfies.  I don't have a smartphone, and the only reason I joined Facebook and Twitter is to promote my writing.  I have posted some substantive stuff about animal cruelty there: very little frivolous crap (I've posted some things I thought were funny.)..  What I really can't stand is all the self-centered shit you'll find in places like that: boring, stupid people putting up boring, stupid content.  I ultimately think that Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. are shit.
I'm repeating myself here, but it could serve as a posthumous explanation.

Things People Care About More Than Animals

This is a list of things people care about more than animals (especially animals like pigs, cows, and chickens, etc.)-money (obviously), TVs, football, golf, basketball, baseball, NASCAR, soccer, tennis, ping pong, Tiddlywinks, god, Jesus, flags, Scandal, phones, The Price Is Right, what they look like, wallpaper, cars, Wheel of Fortune, soap operas, shoes, shoelaces,  tools, furniture, bug spray, hammocks, paperweights, Jeopardy, their weight, letter openers, their lawns, pens, Frisbees, hula hoops, jewelry, crystals, alcohol, drugs, bubblegum, bubble bath, sex, The Walking Dead, etc.
I could go on and on here, but the point is obvious.  To the average person, animals' lives are practically worthless.  I may have mentioned this here before, but I'll probably never forget this line from a movie called The Boost.  James Woods' character bought a car and a dog for his wife.  He said something like, "A $50,000 car and a $2 mutt: go figure."  I think this was meant to be a funny line, but it makes me very sad, because it's true.  Dogs are pretty much free to adopt, but they're put to sleep because they're not wanted.  It seems to me like the only way to enjoy life with all this suffering going on is to have no conscience.
 

Why Am I Like This?

I haven't done this in a while, because, as I wrote, I have less discipline for sitting at the computer and writing when I'm sober.  I've also been working on some comedy writing.  I've been sober since 7/31/16.  I'm also back on antidepressants: this time, Lexapro.  There have been times when I've been tempted to buy some alcohol, and I've gone through he pros and cons.  But what really seems to help is to simply remind myself that alcohol is a DEPRESSANT, and I have DEPRESSION.  The two things obviously don't go together.  Besides, it just wasn't working.  I was miserable.  I wasn't so miserable when I was drinking, but I was afterward.  In my experience, there's a price to pay for "enjoying" alcohol.
My philosophies haven't changed.  I'm not as miserable as I was when I was drinking and not on Lexapro, but I'm not happy as a clam either.  It's very hard to live among people that are living in ways I don't identify with. 
I still think it's cruel to bring people or animals into this world, which is why I haven't done so.  I turn on the TV, I go out, I go to work, and I see tons of people with kids.  I watched the news tonight.  So many kids are suffering in Syria.  Their parents brought them into a brutal world.
I'm still a vegan.  People are so thoughtlessly cruel.  I was eating lunch at work and so was a coworker.  He had gone out to get fast food.  He was eating a burger, and he said, to me, with a smile, "Everything is better with bacon."  To him, that was funny.  To me, it was not.  I did not laugh.  Animals face such an uphill battle against these selfish, uncaring, leather-wearing meat eaters.
I'm still an atheist.  I think it's stupid to believe in god.  Only children and the mentally disabled have good excuses to believe in god.
I still have no tattoos.  It's beyond me why someone would pay somebody to mutilate their bodies.
I still don't have a smartphone.  I'm so sick and tired of seeing people that are transfixed by their fucking phones.
Since I've been at my job, several customers have complained about my coworkers.  One of them even tried to get me fired.  They've complained to me about my coworkers.  They've made "customer complaints" (his words), and they've bitched and moaned about my coworkers: trying to get them in trouble, perhaps fired.  How shitty.  You weren't treated like the Queen of fucking England, and now you want someone to be unemployed as a result?  Fuck you.  I listen to their shit, but I never rat on my coworkers.   
 

Crushing, Killing Debt

 
Currently, my retirement options are a) homelessness and b) suicide.  I have over $23,000 in credit card debt.  I should be like the average human.  I should care much, much more about money than animals.  But I can't.  I just can't.  I care more about animals than money every second of every day.
I was watching a movie that I like the other day called The Boost, which is about drug addiction.  James Woods buys an expensive car, and a dog, for his wife (Sean Young).  I'm relying on my memory, but he essentially said, "A $50,000 car and a $2 mutt-go figure."  That line saddened me immediately and deeply, because, in our society and world, it's true.  I don't agree with that.  I truly believe the life of one mouse is worth more than all the money in the world.  Animals are flesh and blood; money is paper and metal.
But, in our society, money is worth more than life.  That's one of humankind's contributions to this world.  It can safely be said that, in our society, all these items are worth more than the lives of countless animals: smartphones, cars, houses, clothes, shoes, hoverboards, bikes, motorcycles, coffeemakers, toasters, furniture, cutlery, guns, bombs (including nuclear and hydrogen, of course), missiles, chemical and biological weapons, tanks, aircraft carriers, battleships, destroyers, submarines, computers, microwave ovens, stoves, furnaces, real estate, parking lots and garages, refrigerators, radios, stereos, TVs, watches, alcohol, drugs, alarm clocks, and so on.  I could go on and on, but the sad truth is that almost EVERYTHING is worth more to meat eaters than the lives of the animals they eat.  Actions speak louder than words.      

I Don't Want to Live in a World...

I don't want to live in a world...
where alcohol exists.
where alcohol doesn't exist.
where cruelty to animals is institutionalized.
where so many people's faces are in their f**king phones.
where depression exists.
where it's socially acceptable to eat meat.
where suicide is among the leading causes of death.
I don’t want to live in a world of “likes” and “favorites.”
in which people want to be terrorists.
in which violence occurs regularly and frequently.
in which money matters to people more than the lives of animals.
in which I’m allergic to cats, dogs, and hogs (and I am).
in which war exists.
in which people claim to be happy, but only if they can believe in imaginary friends (god, jesus).
in which people who believe in imaginary friends can call ME crazy.
in which rodeos, which feature cruelty to animals, are considered to be entertainment.
in which people have all the rights (freedom and safety from violence) & animals have almost none.
where pain exists.
where poop exists.
where pee pee exists.
where blood is spilled everyday.
where people are forcing many animals to live horrible lives in intense captivity.
where intimidation and brutality thrives every day.
where people bring other people & animals into a world of violence and misery every day.
in which unfathomable suffering (animal and human) occurs each and every day.
in which animals are murdered on a massive scale every day.
in which the strong (humans) mostly agree that they should brutalize the weak (animals).

Please Buy My Book

This is the cover of my book.

There are many thoughts, emotions, and experiences I could express right now, but, first and foremost, I'm asking you to please buy my book.  It's an eBook, and it is readable on Kindle, smartphones, and tablets.  It only costs a few dollars on Amazon, and it's here:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HQSO9RO
I have no job.  I realize that many writers have had to hold down jobs to pay the bills.  The problem is I can't get one.  Even though I am a vegan, I literally became desperate enough to apply to work at McDonald's.  I did not hear back from them: at all.  I have applied for many jobs and received no reply.  I am broke and living off credit cards: going further and further into debt every time I buy necessities like food.  This is not your problem, and I'm not implying that it is.  I put a lot of work into this book, and I believe it is a very interesting and entertaining read.  It is also available on other countries' Amazon websites.  The title is American Loser: A Memoir of not Even Coming Close to Achieving the American Dream, and the author's name is Zach Murphy.
Perhaps one of the points I made in the book is valid.  The book is a memoir, but I'm a bit of a philosopher, so there's some philosophy in there too.  I've gone on quite a bit here (and elsewhere) that I think way too many people have brought way too many other people into this world.  I think 7 and a half billion (or whatever it is now-probably more) people on this planet is way, way, way too much.  Since so many people procreate, it is common, not special, to be a human being.  I believe it should be special to be a human being.  Perhaps there are only a finite number of jobs this world can offer.  Maybe people are just adding to the population in a way that's out of control and irresponsible.  You can accuse me of being a whining crybaby, but you can't accuse me of being a hypocrite when it comes to this issue.  I have never brought a baby, or animal, into this overcrowded world.  I know, that when I apply for a job, I'm probably competing against a lot of other people.  Back to the main point I was making.  I believe in the law of supply and demand.  I think it applies to people as well.  The more people there are, the less each individual is worth.  So many people apply for a job, that the employer can easily pass me over, because there are so many choices.  Because there are so many people in the world, many, like me, become disposable.
An obvious issue is that life simply isn't fair.  Some parents help their sons and daughters greatly to succeed.  They seem to feel as though if their sons and daughters have failed, then they themselves have failed.  They never give up on them.  Others do only the bare minimum when it comes to raising their kids: not really preparing them to survive in the real world at all.  And, unfortunately, far too many people come from abusive and/or incompetent families.  People have obviously been unlucky enough to have a drug-addicted prostitute for a mother.  I've had lots of thoughts about biological parenthood, but a recent one chilled me to the bone.  I simply imagined how many stupid and/or lazy people have brought babies into this world.