Why Am I Like This?

I haven't done this in a while, because, as I wrote, I have less discipline for sitting at the computer and writing when I'm sober.  I've also been working on some comedy writing.  I've been sober since 7/31/16.  I'm also back on antidepressants: this time, Lexapro.  There have been times when I've been tempted to buy some alcohol, and I've gone through he pros and cons.  But what really seems to help is to simply remind myself that alcohol is a DEPRESSANT, and I have DEPRESSION.  The two things obviously don't go together.  Besides, it just wasn't working.  I was miserable.  I wasn't so miserable when I was drinking, but I was afterward.  In my experience, there's a price to pay for "enjoying" alcohol.
My philosophies haven't changed.  I'm not as miserable as I was when I was drinking and not on Lexapro, but I'm not happy as a clam either.  It's very hard to live among people that are living in ways I don't identify with. 
I still think it's cruel to bring people or animals into this world, which is why I haven't done so.  I turn on the TV, I go out, I go to work, and I see tons of people with kids.  I watched the news tonight.  So many kids are suffering in Syria.  Their parents brought them into a brutal world.
I'm still a vegan.  People are so thoughtlessly cruel.  I was eating lunch at work and so was a coworker.  He had gone out to get fast food.  He was eating a burger, and he said, to me, with a smile, "Everything is better with bacon."  To him, that was funny.  To me, it was not.  I did not laugh.  Animals face such an uphill battle against these selfish, uncaring, leather-wearing meat eaters.
I'm still an atheist.  I think it's stupid to believe in god.  Only children and the mentally disabled have good excuses to believe in god.
I still have no tattoos.  It's beyond me why someone would pay somebody to mutilate their bodies.
I still don't have a smartphone.  I'm so sick and tired of seeing people that are transfixed by their fucking phones.
Since I've been at my job, several customers have complained about my coworkers.  One of them even tried to get me fired.  They've complained to me about my coworkers.  They've made "customer complaints" (his words), and they've bitched and moaned about my coworkers: trying to get them in trouble, perhaps fired.  How shitty.  You weren't treated like the Queen of fucking England, and now you want someone to be unemployed as a result?  Fuck you.  I listen to their shit, but I never rat on my coworkers.   
 

Angel and Devil

I sort of feel as though I have an angel and a devil on my shoulders, which many of us have seen on TV and in the movies.  I'm trying to quit drinking, but I'm faltering.  It's difficult.  I've been sober for 8 days now.  When it comes to a list of pros and cons, not drinking slaughters drinking.  Drinking led to me being arrested for the first time, which was not a pleasant experience.  Alcohol is a depressant.  People with depression, like me, shouldn't drink it.  I've done stupid things while drunk.  I've gotten bruised.  I've lost my phone.  There are plenty of reasons to not drink.  However, there are some items on the "pros" list.  Drinking gives me more endurance to sit at the computer and write.  There is a long history of writers who drink.  I've definitely been writing less during this week of sobriety.  Drinking is also sort of fun, however, it does not make me happy.  I'm sure of that. 
I have the day off tomorrow.  If I'm smart, I'll go to a local mental health center and make an appointment to get some help, because my depression and OCD have gone untreated for a while now.  If I'm stupid, I wont go.  Instead, I'll go to the liquor store, which I believe are evil places, no matter how many times I've visited one.  Alcohol was the reason why I didn't get help the last time I sought it.  I talked to a counselor who asked me about drinking; I told her about it, and she recommended treatment for it.  As a result, I stopped seeing her after one visit.  I chose alcohol over getting help for my mental health issues, which, obviously, isn't smart.  That's been the most annoying thing about getting help; they want you to stop drinking.
I can't help wondering if it isn't just better to end up like Bon Scott, Jimi Hendrix, or Amy Winehouse, who, I found out it a documentary, apparently found sobriety to be boring.  Drink till you die.  What is there to live for?  Pain?  Shit?  Misery?