Probably the End

I thought i'd heard the last from the woman I went on 2 dates with, then she messaged me again. I read this (from her) today:
"My attraction to someone develops through feeling a connection with them. I don't know yet if that will happen with you."
my reply:
i'm not someone who's driven by the pursuit of $, greed & selfishness. what people think about me, their judgements, it doesn't matter to me. I do my best to not support animal cruelty, & i've never gotten a woman pregnant. you may as well know sooner than later (she's procreated twice) that I think it's cruel for people to bring people or animals into a world that is so obviously cold, cruel, brutal, & dangerous. You seem intelligent, so I don't need to list all the problems with this world. the news does that everyday anyway. so i am proud of the way i've lived my life. I'm a merciful person who makes sacrifices everyday for the sake of animals. & if people don't appreciate me for who i am, then I'm not interested in them.

Antinatalism

It's been a while. As I've mentioned previously, I've been more active on Twitter, & the account is here: https://twitter.com/TheBaldVegan In fact, I've been sort of addicted to the instant gratification one can get from posting there.
It was there that I recently discovered the word "antinatalism." This is from Wikipedia:
"Antinatalism is a philosophical position that assigns a negative value to birth. Antinatalists argue that people should refrain from procreation because it is immoral. In scholarly and in literary writings, various ethical foundations have been adduced for antinatalism.  Some of the earliest surviving formulations of the idea that it would be better not to have been born come from ancient Greece.  The term "antinatalism" is in opposition to the term "natalism" or "pro-natalism", and was used probably for the first time as the name of the position by Théophile de Giraud (born 1968) in his book L'art de guillotiner les procréateurs: Manifeste anti-nataliste."
So those who know me from here know that I am an antinatalist.  It turns out that there are quite a few people like me. I didn't know that.  It seemed like I was surrounded by breeders.  Of course I am, but there is a whole community of people who, like me, think it's cruel to bring someone into this world of pain, fear, misery, violence, suffering, addiction, depression, suicide, death, disease, disabilities, hostility, stupidity, frustration, etc.
I'm still not working on my next book. I have no hope that anyone will have any interest in it, so it seems like a waste of time.  

It's All Shit

The antidepressants aren't working.  I hate life.  My life is pathetic.  I have no friends.  I don't even understand the concept of friendship.  I'm 100% sure that it's cruel to bring someone into this world.  Life is torture.  This society is so fake, so false.  People put a fake smile on, but there's so much misery.  I know I'm not the only one.  I'll be alone for Xmas again.  I'm always alone for the holidays.  I don't know what to do with my time.  I read a little.  I watch TV.  I tweet.  I exercise.  I'm just going through the motions; none of it brings any real satisfaction.  I should have killed myself a long time ago.  My life is a bad deal; it's consistently shitty.  I have very little hope that my life will get better. 

Discouraged

When it comes to being creative, I continue to be more active on Twitter than anywhere else, & my account is here: https://twitter.com/TheBaldVegan
My last book continues to be an absolute failure.  No one has bought it.  I'm considering changing the title.  Obviously, I have nothing to lose.  It is here on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Farts-Literature-featuring-Bald-D-Bag-ebook/dp/B074MCFPVD/ref=sr_1_2?s=digita I haven't been working on my next book.  Considering the lack of interest in this one, it seems like a waste of time.
I've been taking Lexapro (an antidepressant) for almost a month now.  I still think that life sucks.  I still wish I'd never been born.  I still think it's selfish and cruel to bring people or animals into this world to suffer, as all sentient beings do.  So it's not working any miracles.  It makes me more wired, more irritable.  It has definitely affected my sleep negatively.  I tend to get up very early, no matter what time I went to bed, and then I can't get back to sleep.
Antidepressants won't cure everything.  As long as lots of animals are suffering to the degree that they are, I will be depressed by it.  Antidepressants won't get me out of my dead-end "career."  I am an "unskilled' worker.  The thought of going back to school to improve my work situation is a daunting one.  We're guaranteed nothing in this dog-eat-dog world.  I could spend a lot of money and time training for a certain job, and then not get hired for it.  I still have to shit, piss, and blow my nose frequently, all of which I hate.  And there's all the other boring, annoying, soul-destroying things that need to be done everyday: like brushing teeth.  I still hate to drive; it's so stressful.  I have to share the road with tons of stupid, careless people, who could ruin my life (even worse than it already is) in a heartbeat by causing me to get into an accident.
So I'm still very much discouraged when it comes to life.  I have very little hope.  I had great hopes for my book that no one has bought.  I still believe in it; I think it's funny.  But, as I've mentioned before, I'm just one of billions of human ants, desperately trying to be heard, and, as always, failing.     

 

Contempt

I find it very difficult to live in this society, because I have contempt for
-mentally-competent adults that selfishly support animal cruelty by buying meat, leather, fur, etc.
-mentally-competent adults that have procreated
-mentally-competent adults that have brought animals into this world
-mentally-competent adults that spend a lot of time with their faces in their smartphones.
So, once again, obviously, I am not targeting children or the mentally disabled.  I get along with the sorts of people I have just mentioned, mostly because I have to.  I get along quite well with a coworker who eats meat and has kids.  I like her.  Interestingly, we were talking one day, and she admitted, unsolicited, that life is shitty.  Do you regret having kids?  That's the question I wanted to ask but didn't.  I need to do whatever I need to do to get through the day at work.  If I hated, and scowled at, all my coworkers that eat meat, have procreated, and have their faces in their phones every chance they get, I'd be hated.  I have no friends, so I need to try to get along with my coworkers as well as I can.  But whenever I see them eating meat, or hear them talking about their favorite meat dishes, I can feel the contempt bubbling up inside me.  Likewise when I see them with (or hear them talking about) their kids.  Seeing them with their faces in their phones reminds me of the contempt too.
So, again, leaving it all for the wilderness seems like a good idea.  I wouldn't have to be around people I have contempt for.  But the same issues come to mind: bugs bugging me, lack of heat, showers, and toilet paper.  It seems like I can't win.     

Thoughtless Cruelty

I think about animals lots of times every day.  As I've mentioned before, I'm constantly being reminded of animal cruelty and how many people are contributing to it with the choices they make.  It's a big problem for the animals (and those of us that care about them) that people are being thoughtlessly cruel to them all the time.
I wouldn't buy leather: period.  I see people wearing all sorts of leather garments.  I imagine them in the shoe stores.  I suppose leather is a thing to them: a material.  In the shoe store, they probably aren't thinking of it as the dead skin of a tortured, enslaved animal who had been innocent and peaceful.  I suppose they aren't thinking that, if they purchase those leather shoes, they will be supporting violence against cows.
It's the same with meat.  It's a thing: a food.  I suppose those that purchase it aren't thinking it's the dead, tortured flesh of an innocent animal that suffered for the sake of the consumer's palate.  I recently called animal cruelty, especially that which is highly-organized and institutionalized, "the worst conspiracy" in a post here.  It really is.  It's billions of people (currently-I shudder to think how many people over the course of human history have contributed to animal cruelty) getting together and essentially saying, "Sure, what we're doing to animals is horrible, and unnecessary, but, if you do it, and act like you're not doing anything wrong, then I will too."
I'm sickened by animal cruelty.  It contributes to my depression, which is nothing compared to the suffering that thoughtlessly cruel people are supporting whenever they buy meat, leather, fur, etc.  

Shut the Fuck Up!!!!!!

I'm so sick and tired of having to deal with the popularity of American football!  I don't give a fuck about it at all!  Oh, you're so offended that players aren't standing for the national anthem, but you're apparently fine with extreme animal cruelty, because you support it regularly by buying meat, you fucking hypocrite!  You care more about a flag, a fucking piece of cloth, than flesh and blood animals: your fellow earthlings!
I have to hear people, at work, talking endlessly about football.  It's a good thing the players have a week off between games, cause it gives these morons plenty of time to talk about football!  I've walked by groups of coworkers, where one of them is pontificating so solemnly about football, and the rest of them are listening with apparently the utmost respect.  What a fucking joke!  How about talking about something more meaningful: like fucking anything!  Here's a thought.  How about discussing what cruel, selfish shits you are to support animal cruelty by buying meat?  Rather talk about football?  Then shove a football up your ass!  Just think of all the new insights you'll glean about the game with a football up your ass!  That'll put it in perspective quite well ("Footballs are bigger than I thought!").  If you really knew as much about football as you think you do, then you wouldn't be working here; you'd be making a living by betting on it! 
Wow.  A quarterback handed the ball off to a running back, and he was tackled after gaining a few yards.  How many times has that happened?  Millions?  Billions?  It is boring, and it happens all the time in football games!  Wow.  The quarterback threw the ball out of bounds.  Again, it happens all the time, and it is boring.  The only people who should care about football are those who are profiting from it: players, coaches, commentators, etc.  As for the rest of you (who care about football), get a fucking life!           

Dog's Worst Friend

As I mentioned yesterday, decisions, decisions.  There are so many to make.  Do I work on my next book, that probably no one will be interested in, or do I type out another one of these?  This one I feel is somewhat important, which is why I'm currently ignoring the book.  Writing, for me, is a way to reinforce a thought.  I've got a thought, or something to do, that I want to remember.  Just writing it down is a way to help remember it, even if I don't read it again.  I want to remind myself of something in particular. 
The title here is, of course, a flip on "man's best friend," which is what dogs are, and that's correct.  I love dogs.  They are fantastic.  I believe I mentioned that dogs are allowed to be in the store where I work, and that is, by far, the best thing about my job.  It is my goal to pet a dog every workday.  I recently petted 5 dogs in 1 day.  I think that was a personal record. 
I attached Michael Vick's photo to this, because he is infamous for being involved with dog fighting, which is an obvious example of dog cruelty.  By the way, he's an example of how "important" pro football is.  His crimes didn't stop him from playing again.  What other crimes haven't prevented players from playing pro football?  Assault (against men and women) and rape.  All animal cruelty is heinous and wrong, but when it is directed at pet animals, there is an additional problem.  Pet animals (dogs, cats, etc.) have learned to trust humans.  I've seen medieval paintings that depicted humans with dogs.  So these animals have had a relationship with people for hundreds, or even thousands, of years.  That's quite a long time to establish trust.  So the dog or cat trusts people, lets his or her defenses down with someone, and the person abuses that trust by maliciously harming the animal: horribly heinous.   
Humans are cruel to dogs in all sorts of ways.  They starve them.  They chain them to a small spot that they never get to leave.  They leave them outside in the cold.  They breed dogs.  No one should be bringing dogs, or cats, into the world.  There are tons of unwanted dogs and cats languishing in shelters.  Breeders betray these animals by bringing more dogs and cats into a world where they are not wanted.  The breeders ensure that shelter animals will have a harder time finding homes.  Puppies are cute, but I usually feel a tinge of sadness when I see one, because someone brought that puppy into a world that is already populated with many unwanted dogs.  Some people are only interested in puppies and not non-puppies.  These people are like biological parents: cruel and selfish. 
Unfortunately, I have witnessed dog cruelty in the store where I work.  Some people control the dogs that are with them extremely closely.  They are constantly watching, criticizing, and scolding them.  This is a form of cruelty.  I think it's possible these people have a fetish that has them needing to control living beings.  Perhaps they'd rather closely control people like that, but they can't find someone who'd submit to their control.  I've also seen people choking their dogs.  I saw a man walking a dog at my workplace, and he choke, choke, choked the dog repeatedly while walking him or her.  That's why I feel it's important for me to write this.  I wanted to say something to him, but I didn't.  I didn't want to get into trouble at work.  I let that dog down.  I'm hereby challenging myself to say something if I see something like that in the future.  I have confronted strangers while not at work, to protect animals, at least a few times.  I've told myself that I'm willing to get into fistfights over animal cruelty.  If that is what is required to protect an animal, then it is the right thing to do.  Fuck the law.  Laws were established to protect people: not animals.  There are a few laws that exist to protect pets, but not nearly enough.  "Food" animals, like pigs, cows, and chickens, have extremely little protection from laws, because many people have decided that their lives don't matter to them.  My life, certainly my job, is nothing compared to the massive issue of animal cruelty.  Animals can't call the police if they are the victims of cruelty.  They need people to help them. 
I hate animal abusers.  I only saw him do this one particular day, but I'll probably never forget it.  He was at the store where I work with a woman and a puppy.  The puppy was in a shopping cart.  He pulled the leash, which was attached to a collar around the puppy's neck, repeatedly.  Perhaps he enjoyed choking the puppy.  He has since returned to the store a number of times, but that's the only time I saw him bring the puppy.  The last time I saw him, he had a few kids with him: not surprising.  Animal cruelty, which includes purchasing meat, goes with biological parenthood (It's cruel to bring people into a fucked-up world.) like peanut butter and jelly.           

Fuck the Norm!

You buy and eat meat.  Do you ever think that it's wrong to support animal cruelty?  I don't know.  You eat, and talk about, your favorite meat dishes with a smile on your face.  It seems like you don't care about the animals you're eating.  But most people are doing it.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!  It's cruel! 
You have brought 4 kids into this world.  Look around.  Watch the news.  Study the history of the world.  This is an extremely violent planet!  It is full of pain, despair, misery, loneliness, disease, depression, suicide, war, terrorism, harassment, bullying, molestation, rape, murder, and death.  But most people have kids.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!  It's cruel to bring someone into this world to suffer!
You litter.  You don't recycle.  You don't give a fuck about the environment.  You think it's funny to say things like, "Hey, when it (the Earth) all goes to shit, I'll be dead by then."  You're worthless trash!  Hey, rich fucks, if us poor fucks round these assholes up, will you launch their worthless asses into space?  And, once there, we can just let them float away, to their deaths, with no space suits.  Fuck the norm! 
You believe in god.  You even believe every word of the bible, which is stupid, because it's a ridiculous story: full of crap that doesn't happen in the real world.  You pray for someone, and you're proud of yourself: absurd!  Pray for someone, and you've done NOTHING!  It's so lazy!  It's just a thought.  You're proud of yourself for thinking a nice thought about somebody?  How about getting off your fat ass and DOING something, you lazy, stupid fuck!  But most people (supposedly) believe in god.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!  It's fucking stupid!  In thousands of years of human existence, there has been zero proof that god exists! 
To be sung to the tune of "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" (Wang Chung song)-
"Everybody look at your phone, everybody be a mindless drone
Everybody look at your phone, and be a mindless fucking drone
You're a mindless fucking drone, because you're ruled by your phone"
You have a smartphone, and you love it.  Every chance you get, your face is in that phone.  I've seen parents paying more attention to their phones than their young children: plenty of times!  The phones are taking over!  They are ruling their masters, because they are smarter, and superior, to them.  Don't allow a device to hypnotize you!  Get off of Facebook for a bit!  It's mostly garbage!  I reconnected with my aforementioned "frenemy" because of Facebook, and he's a bad influence.  He got me back into drinking and smoking weed.  I was better off without him, and now he's back where he belongs: out of my life!  Here's an idea.  Keep your face in your phone for too long, and people have the right to punch your typical face!  Fuck you!  This culture has turned to shit, because legions of you have your faces in your phones 24/fucking/7!  But most people have their stupid, typical faces in their phones all the fucking time.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!!!!!!     

Words

Words are all you have.  The only way in which you make sacrifices are with the words you use.  You have criticized me, plenty of times, for things I have said.  You are a politically correct pussy in that regard.  But you're not consistent.  You utilize a double standard that favors you every time.  One day, you'll yell at me for something I said.  The next, you'll say something that's essentially the same thing, but you said it, and that makes it okay, because you, according to you, are perfect.
It got to the point where, when you would criticize me for something I said, I'd remind you that I haven't spent any money on meat, milk, or eggs since 2002.  I refuse to support the ultra-cruel meat industry, the slaughterhouse.  "That has nothing to do with it," you'd respond.  Oh, but it does.  You say that because you eat meat.  You care much more about yourself than the animals you're eating.  When you buy meat, you're paying people to keep animals in concentration-camp-like conditions.  You're paying them to kill the animals too.  That is much, much, much, much, much worse than anything I can say.  What would you rather deal with?  Someone saying something that you don't like or being put into a concentration camp to suffer until you're murdered?
Then there's another one of my major issues: procreation.  I've never brought someone into this wicked world, but you have.  You have a beautiful young daughter.  You have put photos of her, wearing yoga pants, on Facebook.  Did it ever occur to you that perverts might be drooling over those pictures?  Did it ever occur to you that some of them might stalk her?  I don't care if that's what everybody else is doing; I think it's incredibly stupid.  Now she's off to college.  Have you ever seen the documentary The Hunting Ground?  It's about the huge problem of rape on college campuses.  Have you told her about the date-rape drug, Rohypnol?  She should know about these things. 
I haven't eaten exactly what I want to since 2002.  I've never experienced the joy of holding my own child, because I refuse to bring anyone into this incredibly violent world of pain, misery, and death.  The only sacrifices you make involve not saying certain words.  That's nothing.            

I Tried

I realized I've explored the spectrum of negativity here while I was bored out of my mind at work yesterday.  I came up with a more positive mantra than the one I usually go with (Time is passing; death is closer.), which is "Time is passing; you have paid time off to take."  Despite the soul-crushing boredom, I was trying to feel positive.  Then I shaved my bald head, and some hair fell into my eye, and it was bad.  My eye is tearing up again just thinking about it.  There was pain, discomfort, and worry.  I have no health insurance.  I couldn't go to a hospital without breaking the bank.  And that's life.  Just when it's going okay, something shitty happens. 
That's another "life is."  Life is suffering with hair in your eye, trying to finish cutting your hair, while, as usual, hearing your scumbag neighbors through the wall.  You want to scream at them to give you a break, because you're suffering worse than usual, but you realize they have a right to make their shitty noise; it's not too early or too late.  And screaming at them would probably just make it worse.  And when horrible things happen to you, other people, and animals, the rest of the world just smiles and laughs, because they don't care.  What a cruel, cold place.  

Cowards!

You love to hunt and fish.  You think this is all part of what makes you a "real man."  Guess again.  You're a cruel coward!  You've evolved as much as a fucking Neanderthal has.  Because you use cruel tools (guns, fishing poles), that other scumbags invented, you have every advantage over your prey.  Hey, if you think you're tough, and you want to attack a living being, why don't you pick a fight with Shaquille O-Neal?  Because he'd beat the shit out of you?  Yeah, that's what I thought.  How about picking a fight with an MMA champ?  Same reason?  How about a female MMA champ?  Same reason?  I thought so.  No, you choose to attack defenseless animals.  Fuck you, you piece of shit coward!  By the way, I love it when hunters get shot.  It's exactly what they deserve: karma, baby. 

Reaching Out

I posted this on Facebook today-
"Everyday, I see a lot of people who are quite content with themselves. They really seem to like themselves and think they are good people. But they eat meat. Eating meat is unnecessary. I've survived quite well without it since 2002. I'm slim and probably healthier than a lot of meat eaters. When one buys meat, one supports animal cruelty. There's no way around that. It doesn't matter that most people are meat eaters. Two wrongs don't make a right. Billions of wrongs don't make a right. No amount of wrongs make a right. Yesterday, I heard a coworker talk at length about how he prepares lamb and how delicious it is. It's a real shame that it's socially acceptable to be so thoughtlessly cruel. He spoke in such a pleasant, carefree tone, as though he couldn't possibly be offending someone, but I was definitely offended. Not only are lambs living, breathing, gentle animals, capable of feeling fear and pain, they are also juveniles. So, if you think you are a wonderful person, but you eat meat, ask yourself, are you really?"    

Disgusted & Depressed

There's no escape.  I've mentioned before here how strongly I feel about two very important issues, and how I feel as though most people are on the wrong side of them.
It's wrong to eat meat.  When you buy meat, you support animal cruelty.  There's no getting around it.  At work, I have to hear coworkers talking about how much they like certain meat dishes.  I'm disgusted by it.  All I hear is "I'm cruel.  I don't care about the animals I'm eating."  I have to see them eating meat.  I watch TV and movies, and it's more of the same.  I'm disgusted by the fact that so many people have gotten together in their cruelty.  They don't think they're cruel, because most people are doing it along with them.  Vegans and vegetarians are few and far between.  Books, the Internet, and the radio aren't safe harbors either.  People content to be cruel to animals are everywhere.  I'd need to live in the wilderness to escape it.  But, like many, I'm addicted to life in this society. 
The other main issue, again, is procreation.  I was watching TV, and I figured I'd check out the independent film that PBS was going to show.  It turned out to be a documentary about the shooting in which all those kids were killed in Newtown, CT.  First of all, I don't want to watch a movie about the murders of a bunch of kids.  They showed clips from it first.  They showed parents of the murdered kids crying and complaining.  I definitely don't want to see that.  I don't feel sorry for any of those parents at all whatsoever.  Didn't it occur to anyone that these parents brought their kids into a very dangerous and violent world in which all sorts of horrible things could happen to them?  Clearly, in this society, it's more important to be a politically correct pussy than it is to be real.  When horrible things happen to kids, I never feel sorry for the parents.  The parents put the kids in harm's way by bringing them into this brutal world.  No one can do anything to my kids, because I've decided to not bring them into this fucked-up world. 
I went to Wal-Mart to see what they would charge me for a month's supply of my prescribed antidepressant: $127.  Not only can I not afford it, it would be depressing just to pay all that money for it.  It's not worth it anyway.  I still felt as though life sucks while I was taking it.  Fuck the greed in this country, and fuck it's piece of shit president: Trump.