Discouraged

When it comes to being creative, I continue to be more active on Twitter than anywhere else, & my account is here: https://twitter.com/TheBaldVegan
My last book continues to be an absolute failure.  No one has bought it.  I'm considering changing the title.  Obviously, I have nothing to lose.  It is here on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Farts-Literature-featuring-Bald-D-Bag-ebook/dp/B074MCFPVD/ref=sr_1_2?s=digita I haven't been working on my next book.  Considering the lack of interest in this one, it seems like a waste of time.
I've been taking Lexapro (an antidepressant) for almost a month now.  I still think that life sucks.  I still wish I'd never been born.  I still think it's selfish and cruel to bring people or animals into this world to suffer, as all sentient beings do.  So it's not working any miracles.  It makes me more wired, more irritable.  It has definitely affected my sleep negatively.  I tend to get up very early, no matter what time I went to bed, and then I can't get back to sleep.
Antidepressants won't cure everything.  As long as lots of animals are suffering to the degree that they are, I will be depressed by it.  Antidepressants won't get me out of my dead-end "career."  I am an "unskilled' worker.  The thought of going back to school to improve my work situation is a daunting one.  We're guaranteed nothing in this dog-eat-dog world.  I could spend a lot of money and time training for a certain job, and then not get hired for it.  I still have to shit, piss, and blow my nose frequently, all of which I hate.  And there's all the other boring, annoying, soul-destroying things that need to be done everyday: like brushing teeth.  I still hate to drive; it's so stressful.  I have to share the road with tons of stupid, careless people, who could ruin my life (even worse than it already is) in a heartbeat by causing me to get into an accident.
So I'm still very much discouraged when it comes to life.  I have very little hope.  I had great hopes for my book that no one has bought.  I still believe in it; I think it's funny.  But, as I've mentioned before, I'm just one of billions of human ants, desperately trying to be heard, and, as always, failing.     

 

I'm a Loser

There is no escaping it; I'm a loser.  In fact, my memoir is called American Loser, and it is here on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HQSO9RO In America (at least), white males are supposed to be successful.  They aren't discriminated against; women and minorities are.  As I've documented here, it is very difficult to be a loser in this society, where winners are always rubbing it into the faces of losers like me.  Turn on the TV, and you'll see plenty of them: successful TV personalities, actors, athletes, entrepreneurs, etc.
I write eBooks, and nobody cares.  The last one really hurts.  I think it is very funny.  I got the idea to tweet jokes from it: trying to attract attention to it.  No one has bought it.  It's a failure, and so am I.  Lots of people don't want to read.  I use the library a lot.  People very rarely put holds on books; I'm virtually always able to renew them.  People put holds on DVDs, because most humans want them more than books.  And I've read some great books lately.  Though they weren't new.  Maybe I'd have had trouble renewing them if I took them out when they were new.   
I am a loser.  There's no separation.  I'm not reading, or watching, the story of a loser.  I am living that story.  It's not fun.  Much has been written here about what it's like to live the life of a loser: shitty, boring menial jobs, living in apartments instead of houses (and having to hear your neighbors as a result), not having much money, and being alone, because it's harder to attract women.
Lack of money means a lot of things.  It means I'm less likely to treat my depression and OCD with medication, because it is so expensive in this country that has mastered greed.  And, yes, my mental issues are untreated, and it has been that way for far too long.  It also means I'm less likely to have a pet (I don't.), because of the extra cost involved (Pets aren't allowed in my apartment complex anyway; not having a house means less freedom).  And dogs make me happy; I know they do.  It means that my home is depressingly messy, because I hate cleaning.  I'd pay someone to clean it if I could afford to.  There are all sorts of safety features that other people have on their cars.  They are less likely to get into an accident, and they will be protected better than someone like me in the event that they are involved in an accident.  I don't know how much longer I'll be able to live the life of a loser.