Smiles & Lies

Smiles and lies try to hide the truth about life in our society.  Watch TV and you'll see plenty of it: especially in commercials.  Smiling people trying to sell shit to miserable people.
Post your pics of you putting your faces together smiling on Fakebook.  Don't post pics of the truth behind the façade: pain, loneliness, despair. 
At work, I dealt with some customers.  I was polite to them.  As the couple was walking away, the woman said, loudly, probably for my benefit, "Hi.  How are you?"  I think she was criticizing me for not saying "How are you?" to them.  I don't like it when cashiers ask me how I am, because I know they don't care.  Why would you want someone who doesn't know you, and doesn't care about you, to ask you how you are?  I don't understand it.  This woman, who I think is a piece of fucking shit, must like all that fake shit.  She must like living a fake and phony life.  I pity her.
Biological parenthood is where the most smiles and lies come from.  Bring a little baby into this fucked-up world to cheer your selfish ass up.  Smile at your cute little baby as you ignore all the pain, shit, and misery that person will have to go through as a result of your pathetic unprotected sex.  Lie to yourself that you haven't done a very cruel thing by subjecting your child to all the shit that life has to offer.
I'm so tired.  I'm in such pain.  It's only going to get worse.

Shit

 
I shit every day
Every day, I have to deal with shit (literally and figuratively).
Currently, I'm dealing with 2 computer-related glitches: I can't get my printer to work (No surprise, I haven't successfully printed anything in quite a while.), and this blog keeps counting my own page views, which I don't want to happen, and I haven't been able to fix it.
Death would be so much easier.  There's so much shit to do: so much shit to remember.  Life is such a gigantic pain in the ass.  Say what you want to, but, except for that phase where I posted fiction about a groundhog with superpowers (Yes, I did.), this blog is REAL.
I know I've covered this before, but this whole business of bringing people into the world is such a crazy cycle.  Unhappy people, in a desperate attempt to be happy, bring people into the world (for their own sake).  These people start their lives off by crying.  Babies cry a lot.  Perhaps they're smart enough to know they've been brought into a brutal world of pain, misery, and death.  Of course, things will get (a lot) worse for them.  It blows my mind that people have become successful by creating a line of clothing that has "Life Is Good." printed on it.  What bullshit.  Living the lie.  That's what the creators and the buyers are doing: living the lie.
By the way, don't EVER Google images of shit (like I did for the purpose of this post).  You will see real images of human shit, which I can't deal with.  On the other hand, it's probably a good appetite suppressant.  

Poor Glenny

The cover of American Loser

Poor Glenny only wants a dog and a house, but he can't afford either, because he doesn't have a job, which is something else he wants, but, no matter how many times he tries, no one will give him one.

My back is jacked.
My feet hurt.
My ears are ringing.
There's regular pain in my knees.
My eyesight's failing.
My brain wants to kill me.
It's only going to get worse.

Ever since I watched that documentary about Kurt Cobain, I've been listening to a lot of Nirvana.  I think part of the reason is that, despite what he's accomplished, I needn't be jealous of him.  He's dead.  We can't take it with us.  It's hard to be reminded, on a daily basis, that so many people are doing so well while I'm so miserable and contemplating suicide every day.  Cobain is also a reminder that suicide is an option: a real possibility.  By now, I know I'm not going to wake up happy; I never do.    

Angel of Death

My neighbor from hell might be the angel of death.  I've got enough keeping me down: depression, OCD, unemployment, massive credit card debt, etc.  But he's pushing me so far and so hard, that he might be just what I need to finally make me kill myself.
I need to sort through this.  I'm obsessed with him and the situation.  He's not worth my, or anyone else's, time, though.  I can't recall if I mentioned this before here.  I try to not repeat myself, I know it's annoying, but I can't be bothered to look back (too far) either.  My next-door neighbors woke me up around 1:00 am Christmas morning.  They were talking loudly in front of my door.  But that wasn't enough.  Then the asshole went out for a cigarette.  The whole time he was outside my windows, he was singing at the top of his lungs.  Wow, did he piss me off!  Then he came into the building: still singing.  I got out of bed, went to my front door, and yelled "Shut up!" as loudly as I could.  I was still very angry, which makes it hard to fall asleep again.  I lied there: cursing him.  When Monday came, I finally called the office about him.  I pretty much only complained about what I thought I could complain about.  I mentioned that he and his wife have conversations in the hallway at 5:00 am that I think they should have in their apt.: because of the time.  The office lady agreed with me.  Then I mentioned what happened Christmas, and that he ruined it.  He did.  I'm used to spending holidays alone, but that made it extra worse.  The office lady was very understanding and said she would talk to them.  
The next day, I saw them.  As I was parking in the lot, I saw them walking to the office.  He looked angry.  They had to go to the office.  It was a close call for me.  If one of them looked back, they could have seen me in my car.  I'm worried they will find out which car is mine, because I obviously don't want it to be vandalized.
Since then, I haven't heard any 5 am hallway conversations.  I also haven't heard him singing at 1 am.  But I've heard him singing.  He forces me to listen to his singing every single day.  I hear it through the walls.  I hear it coming from the hallway through my front door.  It's so annoying.  I definitely feel like I'm being harassed.  I've been thinking about how to deal with it.  I might call the office again, but, since he's not doing it late at night or very early in the morning, I could very well be shit out of luck.  I've also considered yelling through the wall, or the door, at him.  These are some of the things I've considered yelling at him when I hear his shitty singing;
"Stop singing through the wall!"
"Stop singing in the hall!"
"Stop singing through the door!"
"Stop forcing me to listen to your singing!"
"Shut up!"
"Stop harassing me, (their apt number)!"
"Hey hey, ho ho, (their apt #) has got to go!"
"You're evil!  If you don't stop harassing me, you're going to hell (His wife is religious.)!"
"Stop harassing me, or I'll call the police (pretty much a bluff  I doubt they'd do anything.)
Typing them out, they sure seem ridiculous.  But that's the point.  He's driving me crazy.  That's another one ("You're driving me crazy!").  So far, I haven't done any of that.  I'm worried about making the situation worse.  Maybe I'll try calling the office again.
Today, he was singing his head off again.  I left to go for a walk.  I could still hear him when I was outside the building.  Then I realized that he left the building after me.  He also walked in the same direction I did.  I felt like turning around and confronting him.  But I'm so pissed off at him, that a face-to-face confrontation is probably a very bad idea.  I felt better after my walk, as I usually do.  Exercise is great therapy.  It really helps.  But, of course, once I got home, I heard him singing again.  Something's gotta give.