Angel of Death

My neighbor from hell might be the angel of death.  I've got enough keeping me down: depression, OCD, unemployment, massive credit card debt, etc.  But he's pushing me so far and so hard, that he might be just what I need to finally make me kill myself.
I need to sort through this.  I'm obsessed with him and the situation.  He's not worth my, or anyone else's, time, though.  I can't recall if I mentioned this before here.  I try to not repeat myself, I know it's annoying, but I can't be bothered to look back (too far) either.  My next-door neighbors woke me up around 1:00 am Christmas morning.  They were talking loudly in front of my door.  But that wasn't enough.  Then the asshole went out for a cigarette.  The whole time he was outside my windows, he was singing at the top of his lungs.  Wow, did he piss me off!  Then he came into the building: still singing.  I got out of bed, went to my front door, and yelled "Shut up!" as loudly as I could.  I was still very angry, which makes it hard to fall asleep again.  I lied there: cursing him.  When Monday came, I finally called the office about him.  I pretty much only complained about what I thought I could complain about.  I mentioned that he and his wife have conversations in the hallway at 5:00 am that I think they should have in their apt.: because of the time.  The office lady agreed with me.  Then I mentioned what happened Christmas, and that he ruined it.  He did.  I'm used to spending holidays alone, but that made it extra worse.  The office lady was very understanding and said she would talk to them.  
The next day, I saw them.  As I was parking in the lot, I saw them walking to the office.  He looked angry.  They had to go to the office.  It was a close call for me.  If one of them looked back, they could have seen me in my car.  I'm worried they will find out which car is mine, because I obviously don't want it to be vandalized.
Since then, I haven't heard any 5 am hallway conversations.  I also haven't heard him singing at 1 am.  But I've heard him singing.  He forces me to listen to his singing every single day.  I hear it through the walls.  I hear it coming from the hallway through my front door.  It's so annoying.  I definitely feel like I'm being harassed.  I've been thinking about how to deal with it.  I might call the office again, but, since he's not doing it late at night or very early in the morning, I could very well be shit out of luck.  I've also considered yelling through the wall, or the door, at him.  These are some of the things I've considered yelling at him when I hear his shitty singing;
"Stop singing through the wall!"
"Stop singing in the hall!"
"Stop singing through the door!"
"Stop forcing me to listen to your singing!"
"Shut up!"
"Stop harassing me, (their apt number)!"
"Hey hey, ho ho, (their apt #) has got to go!"
"You're evil!  If you don't stop harassing me, you're going to hell (His wife is religious.)!"
"Stop harassing me, or I'll call the police (pretty much a bluff  I doubt they'd do anything.)
Typing them out, they sure seem ridiculous.  But that's the point.  He's driving me crazy.  That's another one ("You're driving me crazy!").  So far, I haven't done any of that.  I'm worried about making the situation worse.  Maybe I'll try calling the office again.
Today, he was singing his head off again.  I left to go for a walk.  I could still hear him when I was outside the building.  Then I realized that he left the building after me.  He also walked in the same direction I did.  I felt like turning around and confronting him.  But I'm so pissed off at him, that a face-to-face confrontation is probably a very bad idea.  I felt better after my walk, as I usually do.  Exercise is great therapy.  It really helps.  But, of course, once I got home, I heard him singing again.  Something's gotta give.             

Wham, Bam, NO Thank You, Ma'am!

This is not my car, and it's not that bad.

I'm a good driver.  I take driving very seriously.  I know it's dangerous, and it kills thousands of people every year.  Cars kill animals too.  That's why I try to not speed.  The faster I'm going, the less time I'll have to avoid hitting an animal or another car.  I don't use the phone while driving.  I don't eat while driving.  I wouldn't load a CD into the car stereo while driving.
Regardless, I was involved in a car accident a week ago.  I wasn't speeding.  My car was doing about 30 MPH as I was getting ready to stop at a red light.  Suddenly, a car attempted to make a left turn right in front of my car.  I hit the brakes, but I couldn't stop my car from hitting hers.  What she did was completely irresponsible.  She must not have looked to see if any cars were coming before attempting that turn, or she would have seen mine.  Her excuse was that another driver told her she could make the turn.  That is no excuse.  Another driver tells you that you can make a turn, so that's your cue to put a blindfold on and do it?  The more I think about it, the more angry I become.  Her timing was unbelievable.  It was almost as though she was trying to cause an accident.  She turned right in front of me, and I didn't have time, or distance, to avoid hitting her vehicle.
I hadn't been in an accident since I was a teenager, so I didn't even know exactly what to do.  I knew I needed to get her insurance info, but I wanted the police to be involved.  Someone, in an apartment across the street, said that she saw the accident.  I asked her to call the police.  Amazingly, the other driver started yelling about how she wasn''t trying to flee the scene.
I said to her, "I don't know what you're yelling about." I also said, "This is 100% your fault," to her, and she agreed with me.
I flagged a police officer down.  He wrote up a report.  He had some issue with the other driver, to which she responded, "My lawyer said I was good to go."  After a little while, I was allowed to leave, but she had to stay.  She was in some kind of trouble with the officer.
I had a weird day this week.  I found out that, aside from back pain, a hernia, OCD, and depression, I'm otherwise pretty healthy.  In the same day, I found out my car is a total loss.  The damage doesn't look that bad.  A headlight was smashed.  The left front corner of the car was smashed in.  I can't get the hood up.  I have to squeeze into the car, because the door doesn't open all the way now.  But this woman did at least $3700 in damage to my car, which is more than it's worth.  I've been dealing with the other driver's insurance company, which hasn't been fun.  They just sent me a nasty letter, which pisses me off, because I'm an innocent victim here.  I don't need any of this crap.  They haven't acknowledged it's her fault yet.  Meanwhile, I called my insurance company, and the woman I spoke to immediately said it was obvious it was her fault, because she made a turn when it wasn't safe to do so.  So far, this experience has been another example of how life isn't fair.     

The Week in Wildlife: Life and Death

Baby Phoebe with mama Veronica

This is the week I realized I have new neighbors: baby groundhogs.  Love those groundhogs: especially the babies.  I had been out, and before going up to my home, I figured I'd take a peek at the groundhog hole that's been right next to my building for at least as long as I've been living here: a few years.  I saw some kids plugging up that hole with debris one day last year.  I told them to stop doing that, then I cleared the stuff out so the groundhogs could use it again.  That, and other incidents, have convinced me that I am my (groundhog) brother's keeper.  So I just wanted to make sure the hole was clear.  I peeked around the corner of the building and saw two baby groundhogs poking their little heads out of the hole and looking at me.  What a great surprise.  There are at least four of them, and they are currently the size of little fur balls.  I've taken some photos, but I need to take as many as I can, because they grow up quickly.   
While I was out walking, I saw a police car.  The cop turned the flashing lights and siren on.  Then he or she put the pedal to the metal.  Unfortunately, a sparrow was crossing the road.  If the cop hadn't been accelerating so rapidly; everything probably would have been fine.  But the police car hit the poor sparrow, which threw her violently into the street.  It was a horrible thing for someone like me (a lover of all animals) to witness, and I had a front row seat.  She flapped her wings some, and she managed to get a little bit off the ground, but, ultimately, she faltered.  Within seconds, she was dead.  On the way back, I noticed that she had been squashed completely: probably by a car's tire. 
Maybe I was meant to see that.  My car died this past fall.  I haven't replaced it yet.  One of the good things about that is not being able to hit an animal with my car.  As far as I know, I've never hit an animal with a car I was driving.  As far as I'm concerned, one of the worst things I could do is hit an animal with a car.  I hate seeing road kill.  It's a real shame how us humans have made life so horrible and dangerous for countless animals.  Maybe I'll be able to afford to live in NYC again one day.  You truly don't need a car there, and that's a great thing.        

Bumpkin's Chauffeur

This is a recent photo of Lucinda in all her zaftig glory.

That is what I have become.  Why me?  My car is a piece of crap.  Then again, what does Bumpkin know about cars?  Not much.  She's just a young groundhog.  I think she likes it cause it's green, which is also the color of her beloved grass and weeds.
Whoosh!  Once again, I'm hearing the unmistakable sound of a fireball launching from one of Bumpkin's paws.  This time, the target was a seagull.  She must have been well over 100 feet away: no matter.  Bumpkin toasted her.  She fell and landed in a parking lot in front of a CVS store.  Next sound I heard was a police siren.  Bumpkin and I were being pursued.
"What's that noise?" Bumpkin asked me.
"That's the police, Bumpkin.  They're going to want us to pull over."
"What is pull over?"
"That's when the police stop you to give you a ticket or arrest you."
"What are these things?"
"They're not good.  They're punishments."
"Bumpkin knows about punishments."   Right after she said that (telepathically, of course), she fired another fireball from her left paw.  She fired it out the window without even looking.  The fireball found its way to the target: the police cruiser.  It caught fire and soon exploded. 
"Wow!  How did you do that?  You never even looked at it, right?" I asked.
"Once I let it go, it's completely under my control.  I programmed it to hone in on that annoying sound."
"Incredible."
"Yes, it is.  Isn't it?"
A driver suddenly cut us off.  "You damn bozo!" I yelled.  I have a road rage problem.  So, apparently, does Bumpkin.  She wasted no time firebombing the car of the guy who cut us off.  It was right in front of us though.  I frantically tried to avoid the burning mass of metal.  I wasn't going to be able to avoid it.  Amazingly, my car went airborne and jumped over the crispy car.  It landed ever so gingerly onto its wheels again.  It was an incredibly smooth landing.  There was only one possible explanation: Bumpkin.  This is a very powerful groundhog indeed.
"You did that, didn't you?"
"But of course," she responded.
"Incredible."
"I'm very close to mastering all of time and space.  I'm no longer interested in being the county executive or the governor.  I'm ready to rule the world."
From mayor of Rochester to grand supreme ruler of the Earth; perhaps she'll make the biggest leap anyone, either human or groundhog, ever made in this world.  If one read it on a resume, would he or she believe it? 

Bumpkin 2: The Wrath of Bumpkin

So little, so cute, so deadly

Bumpkin is still causing mayhem around these parts.  For the second time, that I know of, she has fired a large and powerful fireball from one of her paws that has destroyed something.  In this case, it was a car.  The car exploded and went up like a tinderbox.  By the time the firemen put it out, the car was a total loss.  You couldn't even tell what make or model it was.  Again, the police came.  Naturally they'll want to investigate the cause of the blast.  Once again, I told them that Bumpkin the groundhog was responsible for the destruction, but I don't think they believe me.  I realize they probably think I have a screw loose in my head or something, but they'll see.  Once she takes the city, she'll seize the county, then the minds and wills of all human beings living within the great state of New York: the Empire State.  Though soon to be renamed "New Bumpkin: the Bumpkin State."  She already has every soul in my apartment complex, including mine, under her powerful spell.  She simply does not have to spend much time grazing anymore.  She has a battalion of brain-controlled zombies to do her bidding.  Whenever I hear her voice in my head, giving me a command, I follow it to the letter.  Most of the time, she's ordering me to pick grass, dandelions, and other sorts of weeds for her, her sisters, and her mother to consume as an in-hole snack.  Groundhogs eat weeds.  Let the groundhogs be free to do what they want, and they will eat weeds and keep the grass from getting too long.

Bumpkin used to be content to frolic in the grass with her mother and sisters, but now it seems like nothing will be able to quench her thirst for power.  I really think she intends to rule the world eventually.  With each and every giant fireball fired from a cute young groundhog paw, she gets more powerful and closer to her goal of total and complete domination of all the humans on the face of the planet.