Not Such a Bad Day (So Far)

I've decided to file for bankruptcy.  I didn't really have a choice.  I can't pay my expenses and my minimum monthly credit card payments on what I earn.  It occurred to me what a loser I am.  When a local legal aid society said they would represent me for less than most lawyers probably would, it sort of made my day.  Successful people's days are made when they make loads of money.  Today, I got another boost.  The legal society sent lots of papers for me to fill out.  I did as soon as I received them.  I worked a full day, then filled these papers out for at least 4 hours.  With all the questions about what I own, I became a little paranoid.  Are they gonna take my CDs?  Are they gonna take my car?  I called the legal office, and they said I wouldn't lose them. I had a bunch of questions, and I liked the answers to most of them.
Having a job gives me purpose.  I'd still rather be dead than alive, but, in a weird and stupid way, I'd feel guilty about killing myself, because I wouldn't be able to show up for work.  I'd be letting people down (that are depending on me).
Twice now, I've seen shows about people killing others by poisoning them with antifreeze, which I've contemplated doing to myself.  It seems like a gradual process: not a one-day thing.  One of these poisoners said that you can kill someone in 10 days with antifreeze poisoning.  Since I have a job, it seems like a bad idea to do that to myself.  I wouldn't want to get really sick, or fall, at work, cause then I'd probably get rushed to the hospital and maybe get "saved," which would defeat its own purpose.  Apparently, if you get saved from it, you could be left with brain damage.  Life is already hard enough without that.
They tried to deal with the birds-trapped-in-the-store situation I mentioned previously.  After the store closed for the evening, they set up nets.  Then a hawk was released.  The hawk herded the birds into the nets.  That's all I heard about it.  I hope the birds were released: unharmed.  At any rate, once again, there are plenty of birds in the store.  These poor birds are trapped there without water.  It just goes to show how humans dominate and harm animals even when they don't intend to do so.       

I am not a human being; I'm an animal

I hereby officially renounce my human status.  I am no longer a human.  Hopefully, I will retain my humanly rights.  I'm lucky to not be a pig, chicken, cow, fish, lobster, cow, or turkey.  Obviously, most people don't care about the way these animals are treated.
Which is why I don't want to be a human.  Every single day I'm reminded how insane this "human" society is.  I'm a vegan.  Most people eat meat, which means they don't care about the animals they're eating.  HUMANS DON'T NEED TO EAT MEAT TO SURVIVE.  In fact, it's much healthier to eat vegan whole foods: veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds, and whole grains.  Most people procreate, which means they don't care about their sons and daughters.  This is a f**cked-up, violent world.  I love my kids too much to bring them into this world.  There is so much pain, misery, and suffering in this world.  To continue this cycle of misery is practically the definition of insanity.   
Animals are innocent.  They are following their natural instincts.  They don't understand things the way humans do.  Their societies aren't nearly as crazy as human society is.  They kill because they are hungry or to protect themselves or their young uns.  Obviously, humans are the biggest murderers in the history of the world.  Even the dinosaurs didn't kill at the levels that humans do ("food" animals, the holocaust, war, terrorism).          
I am so crazy, that I briefly considered crawling instead of walking.  I decided against it because it would probably be too painful and uncomfortable (knees on asphalt).
So people don't think they're animals.  That's crazy.  People have so much in common with animals: mouths, heads, teeth, blood, lips, lungs, brains, drinking water, eating food, sleeping, peeing, pooping, living, dying, skin, noses, limbs, etc.  People are animals.  They're just the worst animals to ever walk the Earth.  The most violent.  The most selfish.  The most destructive.  Good riddance.     

Split Pea Soup

Do yourself a favor and make some split pea soup from scratch.  It's very easy and inexpensive: even when you make it with organic celery and carrots, like I do.  Buy a 1-lb package of dried split peas and dump them in a pot.  Put enough water in (It's easy to find out exactly how much online, etc., but I never measure.), and put the burner on high to boil.  Then chop up 3 stalks of celery and 3 carrots while waiting for the water to boil.  Put them in with the peas.  Once they boil, turn them down to a simmer, and put a lid on the pot, and leave it ajar so steam can escape.  Simmer it for at least an hour.  I have never overcooked it, and I have cooked it for 3 or more hours.  After all, you probably want the peas to disintegrate and turn into mush, I know I do.  Anyway, it's cheap, filling, great to eat during winter, and, most importantly, it is comprised of  healthy whole foods.
I can't help thinking about my book, so I can't help blogging about it either.  I think it is good.  Go ahead and buy it for 5 American dollars and read it on Kindle, a smartphone, or tablet.  Here, again, is the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HQSO9RO There's a lot of interesting stuff in the book.  It's funny, entertaining, yet it also deals with the recession and how I've had a hard time since then: as have a lot of people.
I continue to feed whole walnuts to my squirrel neighbors.  At least one of them recognizes me and pretty much chases me.  I believe she sees me as a walnut dispenser, but that's fine with me.  It's great to see a squirrel hopping toward me. 

You Are an Animal

Just like us, bald eagles like to go to the beach.

And so am I.  Don't you see all the things we have in common with animals?  Many of them, like us, have 4 limbs.  I could go on forever: nose, mouth, eyes, ears, blood, heart, lungs, drink water, eat food, sleep, excrete, breathe and so on.  We're animals.  We just happen to be the worst this world has ever seen.  What species of animals has done more damage to the world than we have?  Some of us have been greedy, selfish, and vicious to a point that any other animal couldn't even imagine, let alone match.
They belong here as much as we do.  There's a whole food chain, and all of us fit into it.  Of course we keep messing it up by introducing invasive species to places where they don't belong.  We just do what we want: usually only thinking of ourselves.
People who love animals are merciful, gentle people.  If we weren't, then we would be terrorists.  We'd be shooting up steak houses, butcher shops, and fur stores.  I watch the news often, and I've heard about a lot of shootings and terrorist attacks, but never one that was perpetrated in the name of animal rights or liberation.  Sure, I've heard about Animal Liberation Front members breaking in to labs, rescuing the captive animals, then burning the place down to the ground after all the animals had been removed.  That's my idea of a hero.  I've read about how animals are treated in labs.  They are maimed, tortured, and killed.  It's 100% wrong to experiment on live animals.  If you don't have a problem with it, then I don't have a problem with scientists experimenting on your children.  Educate yourself on the subject.  It is wrong to torture animals: period.  They should have the right to be free and live natural lives.  Ever put yourself in the place of the animals being experimented on in labs?  If so, your life would likely be a complete nightmare. 
They say the pen is mightier than the sword; I hope so.  I haven't seen many sword-wielding animal rights activists.  Those of you who aren't vegetarians, and feel no need to make any sacrifices on behalf of animals (my brothers and sisters), just realize how angry us real animal lovers are at selfish people like you.

Beware!

Groundhog baby.

"The biggest problem right now is all the animals that are being mistreated by people," Bumpkin said.  "They need help, and they are my biggest priority."
That is why her, her sisters (Sloopy and Lucinda), and I got into my car.  Before I could even start her up, the car went airborne: courtesy of Bumpkin's superpowers.  We went straight up into space.  After a brief period of warp-speed space travel, my car abruptly took a nose dive.  We slowed down just in time for a perfectly smooth landing.  A building stood before us that looked like a warehouse.  However, in the next moment, the building levitated to reveal all the chickens that had been crammed into that space.  They had been living in complete darkness every moment of every day, because it's a way in which people manipulate chickens for their own selfish purposes.  The chickens began to walk around freely.  The building that Bumpkin had levitated went further up into the sky, where she completely incinerated it with one of her fireballs.
"Hey, what the hell is going on around here?!"  This was the guy who had been keeping these poor chickens in miserable and overcrowded conditions.  He was a big, stupid-looking guy.  Bumpkin hit him in the chest with a fast fireball.  It knocked him back several feet.  He landed on his back: dead.  His chest was smoldering.
I saw a massive amount of chicken wire headed our way.  Bumpkin used it to line the nearby streets.  She probably did that to keep the chickens off the roads: to keep them safe.  These chickens were free.  After doing some squinting, they were getting used to the sun.  They were free to walk on dirt and grass: not a warehouse or cage floor.  After making sure they had enough food and water to last them a while, we were off to our next destination.
"What will happen to those chickens, Bumpkin?"
"I've texted PETA and Farm Sanctuary to let them know what happened.  They will send real animal lovers here to take care of them."
Next thing I knew, my car was hovering in front of a large office building.  I recognized the name in front of the building; it was a huge corporation that has made a lot of money while making many chickens miserable.  Here today, gone tomorrow.  Bumpkin leveled the building with one of her giant fireballs.  The animals of the world finally have the liberator they needed so badly.        

Holy Asteroids, Part Deux: Kickin' Asteroids.

This is Lucinda on St. Patrick's Day 2013.

Once we had packed snacks and water for the trip, Bumpkin created the life-sustaining bubble of the sort we usually use for space travel.  As usual, it will provide us with all the protection we may require: both as an outer tough wall while effortlessly maintaining the Earthly balance of gases, temperatures, and climates that we Earthlings are used to.
We took off.  We pretty much teleported right into orbit.  It's the kind of speed that Bumpkin can work with; she's amazing.  Especially when you consider that she's a groundhog; although, she's also the possessor of some of the most incredible superpowers to be bestowed upon anyone: let alone a groundhog.
Phoosh!  Bumpkin fired one of her fireballs of destruction at a nearby asteroid: direct hit!  It exploded into tiny pebbles: success!  The resulting fragments were clearly too small to ever do any damage to Mother Earth.  Bumpkin saw the results, and in the next moment, she hit another asteroid with a fireball.  It also detonated into pebbles.  She was gettin' some real work done, yes sir.  When nobody else can do nuthin' about it, sometimes the strong need to step up and mind the stopgap.  Pow!  A third asteroid was reduced to rubble by Miss Bumpy.
"Look at that big-ass one," Bumpkin told us.  We looked at the gigantic asteroid she was pointing at with her left front paw.  It was far away, a safe distance, but it was massive.  It was more than a city killer; it looked like a country killer.  Bumpkin flung a huge fireball at the mammoth asteroid.  It took a few seconds to get there; then it tore that humongous asteroid apart with a spectacular explosion.
"You nipped it in the bud, Bumpkin," I said.
"Of course.  That used to be a giant space rock that's just gonna keep floating around in space: always posing a future threat.  Now, thanks to one of my specially-tailored fireballs, it's nothing but billions and billions of tiny, practically weightless pebbles."
"On behalf of all Earthlings, please accept our heartfelt thanks.'
"Yeah.  That and 5 bucks will get me a coffee at Starbucks."
"Should I try to get out the word that you did this?"
"Do whatever you want to do.  Just realize that if you tell people a talking groundhog destroyed some asteroids today with fireballs that came out of her left front paw, then be my guest.  They'd just think you're loony tunes."