Holy Asteroids!

Bumpkin was very young in this one.

"Phooey!" said Bumpkin.  "I'm tired of hearing about all these darn near misses with asteroids or meteors, or whatever the heck they're called!  Since, as usual, no one else is stepping up to do anything about it, I'll have to put in some time!  Who wants to come with me to reduce some asteroids to rubble?"
Sloopy and Lucinda cheered; I did not.
"You're going too, buster," Bumpkin said to me.
"Wow.  All of a sudden: deja vu."
"If all humans are as unappreciative as you are, then you all shall deserve to be slaughtered big time when I finally make my big move.  I'm taking you safely through space; not even Micheal Jordan can do that."
"I am so glad and grateful I've been to the moon, Mars, and Uranus.  I especially liked Uranus."
"I like Uranus too," Bumpkin replied.   We all had a good chuckle.
"I'm just tired of wearing adult diapers and pooping myself during bowel-wrenching space travel."
"Speak for yourself, poopypants.  It doesn't bother my bowels at all."
"With all due respect, Madame Bumpkin, you have very powerful forces protecting you and giving you a multitude of superpowers.  I bet you don't even feel pain."
"What is pain?"
"Something you don't feel.  And you're probably lucky to not feel it; especially since you have rapid automatic self-healing powers. "
"Yes, it's good to be me; for I shall be king of the world soon," said Bumpkin.
"Well, they say that the meek shall inherit the Earth."
"Who the heck says that?"
"People."
"That figures.  Lots of people are dumb."
"I must admit you are correct.  And the fact that you, who's a groundhog, said such a truism is all the more astonishing."
"Carpe diem.  Now, let's go bust up some asteroids!"
This time, we all cheered.  Why not?  It did sound like fun, and I'm sure we'd be safe, but I'm worried I'll poop my pants again.  What the heck?  I'll make it a personal challenge.  My goal is a noble one; I wish to not poop my pants today. 

TO BE CONTINUED...

I've Been to Uranus!

Take me to Uranus, and let me play among the stars.

Once again, thanks to Bumpkin, and adult diapers, I did not soil my car seat as we traveled to Uranus.  We don't need the car.  I don't start it up or anything.  It's all under Bumpkin's control, and she essentially teleported my car, her, Sloopy, Lucinda (Bumpkin's sisters), and I to Uranus.  I checked my watch, it took 42 seconds for us to travel to Uranus.
Uranus is a barren, godforsaken planet.  There was no sign of life.  It was freakin cold until Bumpkin turned up the heat in the temporary life-supporting bubble that she creates for us every time we travel through space.
"Ah, Bumpkin, could you change me?"
"Look buster, I told you.  I've changed you for the last time.  The adult diapers were my brilliant idea.  After that, I hereby retired from changing your poopy drawers. "
"I know, but it would be so easy with your powers."
"You've got 2 hands, buster.  Change yourself," Bumpkin suggested.
"Yes, ma'am.  Where's the diaper bag?"
"You didn't bring it?"
"No, Miss Bumpkin."
"Well, I didn't bring it.  It's not my responsibility; it's yours."
"Oh great.  I guess I can't change now."
"You got no one to blame but yourself.  Hey!  Sloopy!  Lucinda!  He pooped in his pants, and he forgot his diaper bag!"  Bumpkin said.
Sloopy and Lucinda laughed hard and loudly.  Soon, all 3 groundhog sisters were rolling around, their little bodies racked with laughter, on the surface of Uranus.
Bumpkin stopped laughing long enough to say, "Didn't you have that big-ass burrito yesterday?"
"Yes," I had to admit.
Now the sisters were convulsed with laughter.  I don't care that I'm the butt (no pun intended) of the joke.  I just love hearing my girls laugh: on Uranus to boot. 
We explored Uranus.  Bumpkin took some geological samples that she intended to test.  Who knows?  Perhaps Bumpkin will build a colony for animals or humans on Uranus.  She has so much power and imagination.  She's capable of fixing nearly every imaginable, and conceivable, problem.  I'm so lucky to have her as a friend.  I just wish she'd change me and remember to bring the diaper bag.