Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

The Smiths

Haven't blogged in a while.  There's at least two reasons for that.   First of all, I'm a complete mess, and, secondly, I have a job.  I got a job working for a major home-improvement chain store.  I'm still facing major credit card debt.  I might have to file for bankruptcy if I can't get a loan to pay off these credit cards.  But this job is difficult to tolerate.  To do what I'm doing, full-time, is a bit of a nightmare, but, as I and others have mentioned before, life itself is pretty much a nightmare.  I really have to tough it out to make it through the day.  To me, work has become an endurance challenge.  It's driving me crazier than I already am.

Here's a new section on the Bald Vegan!  It's called "thoughts."  I hope you like it!

I"m sure that life sucks.  Sometimes, when I'm in the midst of a deep depression, I remind myself that I can commit suicide anytime I want to, and it cheers me up a little.

I don't' believe in heaven, but I believe in hell, and this it it.  This planet has a history of violence that is staggering in its scope.

I'm jealous of the dead.

After death, even soft, healthy skin will rot.

That's thoughts for this week.  I'll end with a poem for a poet.

Who am I?
How do others see me?
How do I see myself?
What do others think of me?
Is that really me in the mirror?
Do I exist?
Will anyone miss me when I'm gone?

Poor Glenny

The cover of American Loser

Poor Glenny only wants a dog and a house, but he can't afford either, because he doesn't have a job, which is something else he wants, but, no matter how many times he tries, no one will give him one.

My back is jacked.
My feet hurt.
My ears are ringing.
There's regular pain in my knees.
My eyesight's failing.
My brain wants to kill me.
It's only going to get worse.

Ever since I watched that documentary about Kurt Cobain, I've been listening to a lot of Nirvana.  I think part of the reason is that, despite what he's accomplished, I needn't be jealous of him.  He's dead.  We can't take it with us.  It's hard to be reminded, on a daily basis, that so many people are doing so well while I'm so miserable and contemplating suicide every day.  Cobain is also a reminder that suicide is an option: a real possibility.  By now, I know I'm not going to wake up happy; I never do.    

A Letter from a Parakeet to Her Human Warden

How would you like to live like this?

Why do you keep me in this cage?  I don't understand you.  You tell me you love me.  I don't believe you.  I don't believe you at all.  You say you love your kids too, but you don't imprison them in cages.  You say you love your husband, but he doesn't have to live in a cage.  Why me?  What did I ever do to you?  I've never hurt any person or animal.  I've never stolen anything.  I've never robbed a bank.  I'm not a terrorist.  I don't understand why I'm locked in this cage.
Are you jealous of me?  Are you jealous of my ability to fly?  Is this your response to that jealousy?  To imprison me in a cage so I can't fly?  It's not my fault I can fly.  I was born to have this advantage.  And I guess you were born to have the ability to take it away from me.
I want to be free.  I want to fly.  I want out of this cage.  If you really loved me, you wouldn't keep me in this cage.  Polly want a cracker?  No.  Polly wants to be free: free to spread her wings and fly.

The Bald Vegan adds-"If you have a pet bird, that bird is dependent on you.  Perhaps he or she has spent his or her entire life being dependent on humans to be fed.  So, if by some miracle, what you've read here has moved you, and you want to free your pet bird, that might not be the right thing to do.  On the other hand, it might be the right thing to do.  You should do some research into the matter before setting the bird(s) free: to see if it's the right thing to do.  Find out how they would fare in the wild before doing it.  Please don't buy any more birds that you'll imprison in cages.  You know you wouldn't want to live that way, so why force an animal to live like that?  Sting sang, 'If you love somebody, set them free.'  If, after doing ample research, you've determined that your bird inmates would thrive in the wild, then set them free.  Ideally, you'd leave the cage by an open window, with the cage door open, so the bird can make his or her own choice whether to remain  free or return."