Date Chat (continued)

 

her (in quotes): "The world has good things in it too. How about music and art?"

me (not): i know it does. But it's little consultation for many. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death. I love music, but i can be quite miserable while listening to it. life is hard. life is pain. so why are there 7.7 billion of us? those are the 2 most backward things about society to me. it's socially acceptable to perpetrate/support animal cruelty & bring people into a very messed-up world, & that most people do these things. belief in god as well, but that's a distant 3rd for me. the 1st 2 bother me everyday: multiple times a day. I also think it's stupid & dangerous to ride motorcycles in traffic & climb mountains like Everest. I think it's stupid to get tattoos

"Tell me about the daily sacrifices that you make for the sake of animals."

That seems confrontational. when you DON"T eat whatever you want, EVERYDAY, when you refuse to support animal cruelty, that is a sacrifice. i get the message out on Twitter. i receive emails asking me to take action, sign petitions, contact elected reps & i do. i spent a lot of time & effort writing an "animal liberation" book https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZSHNT5I & if you are judging me, i'll remind you what i said about not caring at all what people think about me. after all, i did not ask for this existence. my parents forced it on me, which i've never done to someone

"I didn't mean to be confrontational. I'm wondering what you could do that would be a sacrifise. Those things that mention are things that you do, but they don't seem like a sacrifice. I think of sacrifice as you giving up something for their benefit. Does that mean that you really love eating meat and not eating it is a sacrifice for you? I was vegan for many years and I didn't ever consider it to be a sacrifice."

if i didn't care about animals, i'd be eating bacon cheeseburgers. i don't like veggies. it is a sacrifice. doesn't everyone like pizza? i haven't bought it since 2002

"I didn't eat any of that stuff for about 15 years and it was no big deal."

i guess it was because you went back to eating it

"There are soilders who fall on bombs to save their comrades. There was a mass shooting in New Zealand recently and an unarmed student rushed the shooter to let others get away. Those are sacrifices. Not eating a burger is nothing."

is that how you want your son/daughter to go out? wonderful world you brought them into, right? all these mass shootings, terrorist attacks, tons of other assorted violence, &, of course, nasty, judgmental people

"My son sitting here reading this with me tells me that he is very happy to be alive."

will he be when he's 85 & a weak (body & mind), pain-ridden mess?
(no reply as of posting)

Probably the End

I thought i'd heard the last from the woman I went on 2 dates with, then she messaged me again. I read this (from her) today:
"My attraction to someone develops through feeling a connection with them. I don't know yet if that will happen with you."
my reply:
i'm not someone who's driven by the pursuit of $, greed & selfishness. what people think about me, their judgements, it doesn't matter to me. I do my best to not support animal cruelty, & i've never gotten a woman pregnant. you may as well know sooner than later (she's procreated twice) that I think it's cruel for people to bring people or animals into a world that is so obviously cold, cruel, brutal, & dangerous. You seem intelligent, so I don't need to list all the problems with this world. the news does that everyday anyway. so i am proud of the way i've lived my life. I'm a merciful person who makes sacrifices everyday for the sake of animals. & if people don't appreciate me for who i am, then I'm not interested in them.

Plans

no explanation: except for the obvious: insanity

I've been meaning to do this for a while. I've tweeted that I can't do my job anymore, and it's true. it's so incredibly boring and repetitive. Not only do I see the same coworkers, but the same customers as well. I hate seeing those faces. I need a change.
Today, I sat on the counter while I had no customers in my fucking face, and a coworker said there was an email about sitting on counters and reading. Before I left, I briefly looked for that email, but didn't find it. I was, after all, wanting to get the fuck out of there ASAP as I always am when the day is finally over. I'll look for it tomorrow night when I'll have plenty of time.
I have no reason to doubt the email was sent. It seems like it's targeting me specifically. I sit on the counter, and I read when I get a chance to. What does the typical person do when they get a chance? They stare at their fucking phones. They text, surf the web, etc. Not me. I recently finally bought a smartphone, because the phone I had died. But I only have an inexpensive talk plan on it: no text and no Internet. I began sitting on the counter, because I have a lot of pain in my feet and legs, and standing all day doesn't help. I suppose I should probably tell them that. Maybe I should also tell them I have depression and OCD, and maybe that's why they think I'm a miserable "asshole."
So now I'm thinking compromise. I won't stop reading when I get a chance: no fucking way.  Seems like, all of a sudden, the store manager has a problem with it. The assistant store managers don't.  So maybe I'll just do what I used to do: lean on the counter.  But if the pain is too great, then I'll go back to sitting on the counter (There are 2, so I'm facing the 1 I'm using.).
There's the possibility of applying for another job in the store. Instead of being a cashier, I'd work in a department (If they'd hire me. I applied for a head cashier job, which I was def qualified for, & I didn't even get an interview: just an email saying "no thanks."). But then I wouldn't be able to stand on the anti-fatigue mats I stand on most of the time; I'd be walking on the concrete floor.  As I mentioned, I already have a lot of pain in my feet and legs. So I think I have to leave. God, I hate looking for a job; I really despise it. And I'm "unskilled," so my chances of getting a good job, that I like, are slim to none. What if I got a job where I have to sit all day? That's probably, in the long run, worse than standing all day. It's not good to bend your spine too much. It seems like we were meant to be "straight:" standing or lying down.
I feel best outside. I've thought about living in the wilderness. But the reality is I'm addicted to living in society with it's comforts (That we pay so dearly for.).  It's not realistic.
So, once again, death. I've contemplated suicide. I've threatened to do it. I've attempted to do it.  Living is pain. It's suffering.
Maybe I'll quit my job and do some traveling. I'll make sure to pack the nylon rope I bought to hang myself about 10 years ago. I don't know how long the trip would last. Being on the road by myself seems lonely, and, from what I remember, it is. I don't like driving at all; the intelligent, sensitive person is stressed out by it, because it's so dangerous. 
So all signs point to death. Even when I'm not working, I'm miserable. Work just takes it to another level.  

Are You Proud of Yourself?!

You knew it!  You knew this was a dangerous, violent world!  And if you didn't, then you're a fucking moron!  But you wanted a cute lil' baby waby (cootchie, cootchie!) any damn way!  So you brought (at least) one into this fucked-up world of pain, misery, and death!  And now it's too fucking late, but take a good look around and see what a shitty world it is!
Terrorist attacks all over the world!  Oh, there's another terrorist attack.  Another one?  Yeah, another one.  Oh, it's so sad.  Yes, it is.
Mass shootings!  In America, it's a fucked-up joke!  Oh, another one?  No one should be surprised anymore.  Piece of shit Trump had the fucking nerve to say that it's not a gun issue!  Of course it's a gun issue!  If there's one mass shooting after another, and they're not using fucking sling shots, or crossbows, then it's a gun issue!  If it 's not a gun issue, then why isn't it happening to this degree (not even close) in countries where it's much harder to get guns?  See my post about how "You can't protect them."  You can't protect your kids from this fucked-up world.  The scumbag politicians won't do anything (or they won't do enough) to stop this sort of shit, because they love the money they get from the NRA, and they don't want to lose gun enthusiasts' votes.  So the shootings will continue to happen, and they'll just fucking shrug and basically say, "What can you do?"  You can do something about guns for a change, for fuck's sake!  There's way too many of them in America!  The governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo, had the balls to pass legislation against certain types of guns, and assholes responded by putting bumper stickers on their cars that said "fuck Cuomo," which was written with assault rifles: fucking morons!  And, as I've already pointed out, life is too shitty in this society.  People will get depressed and angry, and instead of trying to deal with it in an intelligent way, they will just say "fuck it," grab a gun(s) and start shooting.
The gun is an evil invention.  It is all about injuring and killing.  That's what they do.  I hate them.  I hate them, not only because they injure and kill people, but because the do it to animals too.         

The Second-Worst Conspiracy

The second-worst conspiracy is procreation.  There are way too many people in the world.  The law of supply and demand states that the more there is of something, the less the item in question will be worth.  This applies to people as well.
Trillions, quadrillions (or more), people throughout the years, have essentially said, "Sure, life sucks.  It's hard.  It's more shit than sugar.  Maybe, if I brought a baby into the world, that would cheer me up.  And then, when I'm old, too old to take care of myself, then that baby, now an adult, will take care of me; sign me up!  Yeah, sure, in this dangerous, violent world, all sorts of horrible things can happen to my child, but my parents did it to me!  If it's good enough for me, it's good enough for my child.  In fact, it's a kind of revenge.  Someone brought me into this hellhole to suffer, and now it's my right to do it to someone else!"  How much pain and misery has this course of action led to?
Think for a second about how the quality of life has sucked throughout the years.  Imagine life without electricity, toilets, running water in the home, or cars.  It was REALLY shitty to bring people into a world in which those things did not exist.  But procreation is still a very shitty thing to do.  I'm not going to list all the things that are wrong with this world; I've done that over and over again.  It's a very long list.  At anytime, you could be struck by a serious illness, you could be the victim of a nasty car accident, and so on.  SUICIDE IS CONSISTENTLY A LEADING CAUSE OF DEATH.  Doesn't that tell you a lot about human existence?
Even at its best, life sucks.  There's always the pooping, ass wiping, and pissing.  Things haven't been going too badly for me lately.  It looks like I'm going to have a date with a woman I met online, although there are tons of reasons why things wouldn't work out between her and I.  She mentioned, in her dating profile, that she only keeps her "positive" friends.  Well, if she reads this blog, I'm in trouble!  She also doesn't like "loud, crazy" music, and I do.  Maybe I've been feeling better because I recently purchased healthcare, so I know that will begin 1/1/18.  I also have an old prescription for antidepressants, so, if I'm willing to pay over $100 for a months' worth, I can do that.  But there is still the shitty, boring job.  There's no getting away from the knowledge that, considering my age, I make, and I have saved, very little money.  I am a loser in this society.  That's me.  It is what I am: my place in society.  There is still the need to make so many decisions. What should I be doing with my time?  I'm indecisive.  I don't like too many choices and decisions, which is what life in this society consists of.  Inevitably, there's guilt over not doing this, or not doing that.     
I mentioned that some people seem to be addicted to having kids.  I haven't had cable TV for years, but I know there are reality shows about people who have tons of kids.  People who know this blog could probably figure out that I'm disgusted by such people.  But my parents only had one kid, and I wish they hadn't.  I've already experienced too much pain and misery; I shudder to think what the future holds. 

Disgusted & Depressed

There's no escape.  I've mentioned before here how strongly I feel about two very important issues, and how I feel as though most people are on the wrong side of them.
It's wrong to eat meat.  When you buy meat, you support animal cruelty.  There's no getting around it.  At work, I have to hear coworkers talking about how much they like certain meat dishes.  I'm disgusted by it.  All I hear is "I'm cruel.  I don't care about the animals I'm eating."  I have to see them eating meat.  I watch TV and movies, and it's more of the same.  I'm disgusted by the fact that so many people have gotten together in their cruelty.  They don't think they're cruel, because most people are doing it along with them.  Vegans and vegetarians are few and far between.  Books, the Internet, and the radio aren't safe harbors either.  People content to be cruel to animals are everywhere.  I'd need to live in the wilderness to escape it.  But, like many, I'm addicted to life in this society. 
The other main issue, again, is procreation.  I was watching TV, and I figured I'd check out the independent film that PBS was going to show.  It turned out to be a documentary about the shooting in which all those kids were killed in Newtown, CT.  First of all, I don't want to watch a movie about the murders of a bunch of kids.  They showed clips from it first.  They showed parents of the murdered kids crying and complaining.  I definitely don't want to see that.  I don't feel sorry for any of those parents at all whatsoever.  Didn't it occur to anyone that these parents brought their kids into a very dangerous and violent world in which all sorts of horrible things could happen to them?  Clearly, in this society, it's more important to be a politically correct pussy than it is to be real.  When horrible things happen to kids, I never feel sorry for the parents.  The parents put the kids in harm's way by bringing them into this brutal world.  No one can do anything to my kids, because I've decided to not bring them into this fucked-up world. 
I went to Wal-Mart to see what they would charge me for a month's supply of my prescribed antidepressant: $127.  Not only can I not afford it, it would be depressing just to pay all that money for it.  It's not worth it anyway.  I still felt as though life sucks while I was taking it.  Fuck the greed in this country, and fuck it's piece of shit president: Trump.        

Wham, Bam, NO Thank You, Ma'am!

This is not my car, and it's not that bad.

I'm a good driver.  I take driving very seriously.  I know it's dangerous, and it kills thousands of people every year.  Cars kill animals too.  That's why I try to not speed.  The faster I'm going, the less time I'll have to avoid hitting an animal or another car.  I don't use the phone while driving.  I don't eat while driving.  I wouldn't load a CD into the car stereo while driving.
Regardless, I was involved in a car accident a week ago.  I wasn't speeding.  My car was doing about 30 MPH as I was getting ready to stop at a red light.  Suddenly, a car attempted to make a left turn right in front of my car.  I hit the brakes, but I couldn't stop my car from hitting hers.  What she did was completely irresponsible.  She must not have looked to see if any cars were coming before attempting that turn, or she would have seen mine.  Her excuse was that another driver told her she could make the turn.  That is no excuse.  Another driver tells you that you can make a turn, so that's your cue to put a blindfold on and do it?  The more I think about it, the more angry I become.  Her timing was unbelievable.  It was almost as though she was trying to cause an accident.  She turned right in front of me, and I didn't have time, or distance, to avoid hitting her vehicle.
I hadn't been in an accident since I was a teenager, so I didn't even know exactly what to do.  I knew I needed to get her insurance info, but I wanted the police to be involved.  Someone, in an apartment across the street, said that she saw the accident.  I asked her to call the police.  Amazingly, the other driver started yelling about how she wasn''t trying to flee the scene.
I said to her, "I don't know what you're yelling about." I also said, "This is 100% your fault," to her, and she agreed with me.
I flagged a police officer down.  He wrote up a report.  He had some issue with the other driver, to which she responded, "My lawyer said I was good to go."  After a little while, I was allowed to leave, but she had to stay.  She was in some kind of trouble with the officer.
I had a weird day this week.  I found out that, aside from back pain, a hernia, OCD, and depression, I'm otherwise pretty healthy.  In the same day, I found out my car is a total loss.  The damage doesn't look that bad.  A headlight was smashed.  The left front corner of the car was smashed in.  I can't get the hood up.  I have to squeeze into the car, because the door doesn't open all the way now.  But this woman did at least $3700 in damage to my car, which is more than it's worth.  I've been dealing with the other driver's insurance company, which hasn't been fun.  They just sent me a nasty letter, which pisses me off, because I'm an innocent victim here.  I don't need any of this crap.  They haven't acknowledged it's her fault yet.  Meanwhile, I called my insurance company, and the woman I spoke to immediately said it was obvious it was her fault, because she made a turn when it wasn't safe to do so.  So far, this experience has been another example of how life isn't fair.     

GG Allin

GG Allin

If you don't know who GG Allin is, you should.  He is a hero of mine.  Human society is a joke.  Rich people stay rich.  Poor people clean their mansions and serve them in every other way.  GG Allin was a real rock and roller.  He criticized singers who tried to sound tough when they sang, and he had every right to.  Rock and roll is supposed to be dangerous.  GG Allin never forgot that; he lived it.  I used to work with a young guy who liked punk rock, which is the genre that Allin is mostly associated with.  I told him about Allin, and he wasn't impressed, which surprised and disappointed me.
GG Allin is known for his insane performances.  He might beat himself bloody.  He might start a fistfight with one or more of the audience members.  He was known to poop onstage.  He was known to throw his poop at the audience.  I'm not sure, but he may have even eaten his poop onstage.  Google GG Allin and find out about him.  He was a true original.  I also recommend the documentary Hated, which is about him, and it is great.