Pets

my ex-girlfriend's dog

I have mentioned the benefits of writing here.  It helps one remember things.  One can thoroughly explore an issue and save that information for posterity.  For instance, while I was drinking and smoking weed, I began, and added, to a document on my computer called "STOP DRINKING AND SMOKING," which listed reasons why I should do that, and now I've been clean and sober since 7/31/16. 
The question of whether to get a pet or not is very complicated for me.  The first thing that comes to mind is they make me happy.  I love all animals, but especially dogs.  I love cats too, but I have had less experience with them.  Some of my happiest memories involve playing ball with my ex-girlfriend's dog.  She loves playing ball so much.  She has so much fun, it's inevitable that whoever's playing with her will have fun too.  I am alone.  I am untouched.  Touching is important.  Companionship is important.  Petting a pet is therapeutic.  Pets can extend your life, because they improve the quality of it.
But there are drawbacks.  I hate the thought of a pet being alone while his or her mom or dad is at work for over 8, 9, etc. hours.  What if a fire started, and the pet couldn't escape?  That would destroy me.  There's also a loss of freedom involved.  My ex-girlfriend adopted a dog, Barney, while we were living together, who became the love of my life.  He's gone now, but I still love him more than anyone, human or animal, I have ever known.  But, whenever I was using my computer, I'd feel guilty, cause I was ignoring him.  I don't think he understood it.  He may have thought, "Why are you staring at that thing when you could be petting me?"  And that's a good question.  However, I feel a need to get on the computer and write.  There are also issues with traveling.  Dogs need to be walked: even when one doesn't feel like it (shitty weather).   
Then there's the vegan question.  I haven't spent money on meat, milk, or eggs since 2002.  Can I have a vegan dog or cat?  Someone tweeted a picture of their 10-year-old vegan dog, and he looked healthy and happy.  I don't want to support the slaughterhouse in any way, shape, or form, even if the food is for a pet. 
I recently mentioned Lyme disease.  Can you really keep ticks off a dog or cat?  If not, they could transfer a Lyme-disease-ridden tick to me.  Of course it would be horrible if the pet got Lyme disease.  Knowing what I do about the disease, I am terrified of it.  Anyone who is at risk should be too.
The added expense is also an issue.  As I've previously mentioned, I don't make a lot of money, and, as a result, I'm frugal.  However, I definitely believe pets are more than worth any money you spend on them.  One of the biggest problems with society is money being more important than life, which is horrible.
Not being able to communicate can be frustrating.  Your pet could be in pain, and you might not know it.  Is my pet suffering or not?  The worry, and the uncertainty, could be frustrating and devastating.
Pets can get on one's nerves (again, usually because of communication issues).  A lot of things get on my nerves.  Adding to that list might not be such a great idea.
I've mentioned my OCD, and issues I have with poop.  This is where I favor cats.  I think they lick their own assholes, which is gross, but at least they have clean assholes.  I think a poopy dog ass would bother me quite a bit.  Would it be fair to a dog to expose him or her to my disorder?
When you get a pet, you are making a commitment to take care of him or her for the rest of his or her life (or your life).  That is what I believe.  That's quite a commitment to make, and I haven't made it before.  My ex-girlfriend adopted Barney against my wishes.  I didn't want to have to walk a dog, and pick up shit, regularly.  Regardless, I never once suggested that she get rid of him.
I hate the fact that people have pets that ever get to go outside; I consider them to be "cute prisoners."  I could go on for quite a while about this, but I certainly disagree with making an animal spend most of his or her time in a tiny space.  I strongly disagree with keeping fish in tanks and birds in cages.  It's just plain cruel to not allow a bird to fly and be free.  Therefore, if I had a cat, I would take him or her outside.  I can picture the looks of contempt people would give me.  "You don't walk a cat," is what they'd likely be thinking.  Fuck them, and fuck being "normal!" 
Of course, life is fragile, and I could die at any time: making my pet an orphan.  My pet could even die of hunger or thirst if he or she wasn't rescued in time.  I could become paralyzed from a car accident, or stroke, and therefore unable to take care of him or her anymore. 
Which brings us to the most important reason why I wouldn't get a pet.  If I had a pet, I believe I would not allow myself to commit suicide.  It wouldn't be fair to him or her.  I need to have the freedom to do that at anytime.  I have no kids, pets, wife, girlfriend, or friends, which means, as far as I'm concerned, I'm good to go.  I'm allowed to kill myself.  I am now back on antidepressants as of a few days now.  But knowing that I can kill myself at anytime, and escape from this hellhole, gives me a certain amount of peace that I don't want to relinquish.
   

Work

It's so surreal to transition from unemployment to working full time.  There are times when I'm just standing there:waiting to service customers (I'm a cashier.).  Oh well, I'm miserable when I'm home; I'm miserable when I'm there.  At least there I'm earning money and socializing to a degree.
I've noticed certain things at work.  There are birds in the store.  I had seen this sort of thing before at Wal-Mart.  Birds come into the store.  Then what?  I think, in most cases, it's over for them.  Their chances of escape don't seem to be very good.  I think they would most likely die of thirst or hunger.  It's so sad to hear them calling out to their friends or family.
Someone bought a large poster.  It was a drawing of someone holding bacon in their fist, and the caption said, "bacon power."  It's obviously supposed to be funny.  It isn't funny at all.  Bacon is the result of the murder, and, most likely, cruel confinement of pigs.  It disgusts me that people are so callous that bacon has become a funny thing to them.
In the break room, I overheard someone casually saying that someone was going to get rid of their dog because they were worried about their baby.  That sort of shit is so typical.  Get a dog, then get rid of the dog because you're worried he or she might hurt your child.  Animals aren't things to be returned to the store.  Many dogs have been devastated when they've been rejected by (what they thought were) their families.  They often go from a house to a cage in a shelter: dog prison.  But they haven't committed any crimes.  Hey assholes, have some foresight.  Don't get a dog if you're just going to get rid of him or her once you have a kid.    
A lot of old folks come into the store where I work.  It's horrible to see what old age does to people.  It beats them down.  Some of these people are barely standing: let alone functioning.  They are walking dead.  They are nearly complete messes.  I hope I die before I get old(er).
And, ultimately, as usual, I ask myself, why shouldn't I throw my tired old broken, pain-ridden body off a bridge? 

A Letter from a Parakeet to Her Human Warden

How would you like to live like this?

Why do you keep me in this cage?  I don't understand you.  You tell me you love me.  I don't believe you.  I don't believe you at all.  You say you love your kids too, but you don't imprison them in cages.  You say you love your husband, but he doesn't have to live in a cage.  Why me?  What did I ever do to you?  I've never hurt any person or animal.  I've never stolen anything.  I've never robbed a bank.  I'm not a terrorist.  I don't understand why I'm locked in this cage.
Are you jealous of me?  Are you jealous of my ability to fly?  Is this your response to that jealousy?  To imprison me in a cage so I can't fly?  It's not my fault I can fly.  I was born to have this advantage.  And I guess you were born to have the ability to take it away from me.
I want to be free.  I want to fly.  I want out of this cage.  If you really loved me, you wouldn't keep me in this cage.  Polly want a cracker?  No.  Polly wants to be free: free to spread her wings and fly.

The Bald Vegan adds-"If you have a pet bird, that bird is dependent on you.  Perhaps he or she has spent his or her entire life being dependent on humans to be fed.  So, if by some miracle, what you've read here has moved you, and you want to free your pet bird, that might not be the right thing to do.  On the other hand, it might be the right thing to do.  You should do some research into the matter before setting the bird(s) free: to see if it's the right thing to do.  Find out how they would fare in the wild before doing it.  Please don't buy any more birds that you'll imprison in cages.  You know you wouldn't want to live that way, so why force an animal to live like that?  Sting sang, 'If you love somebody, set them free.'  If, after doing ample research, you've determined that your bird inmates would thrive in the wild, then set them free.  Ideally, you'd leave the cage by an open window, with the cage door open, so the bird can make his or her own choice whether to remain  free or return."