You Are an Animal

Just like us, bald eagles like to go to the beach.

And so am I.  Don't you see all the things we have in common with animals?  Many of them, like us, have 4 limbs.  I could go on forever: nose, mouth, eyes, ears, blood, heart, lungs, drink water, eat food, sleep, excrete, breathe and so on.  We're animals.  We just happen to be the worst this world has ever seen.  What species of animals has done more damage to the world than we have?  Some of us have been greedy, selfish, and vicious to a point that any other animal couldn't even imagine, let alone match.
They belong here as much as we do.  There's a whole food chain, and all of us fit into it.  Of course we keep messing it up by introducing invasive species to places where they don't belong.  We just do what we want: usually only thinking of ourselves.
People who love animals are merciful, gentle people.  If we weren't, then we would be terrorists.  We'd be shooting up steak houses, butcher shops, and fur stores.  I watch the news often, and I've heard about a lot of shootings and terrorist attacks, but never one that was perpetrated in the name of animal rights or liberation.  Sure, I've heard about Animal Liberation Front members breaking in to labs, rescuing the captive animals, then burning the place down to the ground after all the animals had been removed.  That's my idea of a hero.  I've read about how animals are treated in labs.  They are maimed, tortured, and killed.  It's 100% wrong to experiment on live animals.  If you don't have a problem with it, then I don't have a problem with scientists experimenting on your children.  Educate yourself on the subject.  It is wrong to torture animals: period.  They should have the right to be free and live natural lives.  Ever put yourself in the place of the animals being experimented on in labs?  If so, your life would likely be a complete nightmare. 
They say the pen is mightier than the sword; I hope so.  I haven't seen many sword-wielding animal rights activists.  Those of you who aren't vegetarians, and feel no need to make any sacrifices on behalf of animals (my brothers and sisters), just realize how angry us real animal lovers are at selfish people like you.

Beware!

Groundhog baby.

"The biggest problem right now is all the animals that are being mistreated by people," Bumpkin said.  "They need help, and they are my biggest priority."
That is why her, her sisters (Sloopy and Lucinda), and I got into my car.  Before I could even start her up, the car went airborne: courtesy of Bumpkin's superpowers.  We went straight up into space.  After a brief period of warp-speed space travel, my car abruptly took a nose dive.  We slowed down just in time for a perfectly smooth landing.  A building stood before us that looked like a warehouse.  However, in the next moment, the building levitated to reveal all the chickens that had been crammed into that space.  They had been living in complete darkness every moment of every day, because it's a way in which people manipulate chickens for their own selfish purposes.  The chickens began to walk around freely.  The building that Bumpkin had levitated went further up into the sky, where she completely incinerated it with one of her fireballs.
"Hey, what the hell is going on around here?!"  This was the guy who had been keeping these poor chickens in miserable and overcrowded conditions.  He was a big, stupid-looking guy.  Bumpkin hit him in the chest with a fast fireball.  It knocked him back several feet.  He landed on his back: dead.  His chest was smoldering.
I saw a massive amount of chicken wire headed our way.  Bumpkin used it to line the nearby streets.  She probably did that to keep the chickens off the roads: to keep them safe.  These chickens were free.  After doing some squinting, they were getting used to the sun.  They were free to walk on dirt and grass: not a warehouse or cage floor.  After making sure they had enough food and water to last them a while, we were off to our next destination.
"What will happen to those chickens, Bumpkin?"
"I've texted PETA and Farm Sanctuary to let them know what happened.  They will send real animal lovers here to take care of them."
Next thing I knew, my car was hovering in front of a large office building.  I recognized the name in front of the building; it was a huge corporation that has made a lot of money while making many chickens miserable.  Here today, gone tomorrow.  Bumpkin leveled the building with one of her giant fireballs.  The animals of the world finally have the liberator they needed so badly.