Discouraged

When it comes to being creative, I continue to be more active on Twitter than anywhere else, & my account is here: https://twitter.com/TheBaldVegan
My last book continues to be an absolute failure.  No one has bought it.  I'm considering changing the title.  Obviously, I have nothing to lose.  It is here on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Farts-Literature-featuring-Bald-D-Bag-ebook/dp/B074MCFPVD/ref=sr_1_2?s=digita I haven't been working on my next book.  Considering the lack of interest in this one, it seems like a waste of time.
I've been taking Lexapro (an antidepressant) for almost a month now.  I still think that life sucks.  I still wish I'd never been born.  I still think it's selfish and cruel to bring people or animals into this world to suffer, as all sentient beings do.  So it's not working any miracles.  It makes me more wired, more irritable.  It has definitely affected my sleep negatively.  I tend to get up very early, no matter what time I went to bed, and then I can't get back to sleep.
Antidepressants won't cure everything.  As long as lots of animals are suffering to the degree that they are, I will be depressed by it.  Antidepressants won't get me out of my dead-end "career."  I am an "unskilled' worker.  The thought of going back to school to improve my work situation is a daunting one.  We're guaranteed nothing in this dog-eat-dog world.  I could spend a lot of money and time training for a certain job, and then not get hired for it.  I still have to shit, piss, and blow my nose frequently, all of which I hate.  And there's all the other boring, annoying, soul-destroying things that need to be done everyday: like brushing teeth.  I still hate to drive; it's so stressful.  I have to share the road with tons of stupid, careless people, who could ruin my life (even worse than it already is) in a heartbeat by causing me to get into an accident.
So I'm still very much discouraged when it comes to life.  I have very little hope.  I had great hopes for my book that no one has bought.  I still believe in it; I think it's funny.  But, as I've mentioned before, I'm just one of billions of human ants, desperately trying to be heard, and, as always, failing.     

 

Waste

I hate waste.  It's very depressing to see how much of it is happening at the corporate level.  There's a lot of it occurring in the giant store I work in.  The only material that's recycled regularly there is cardboard.  I take out the trash frequently, and it's clear that some of my coworkers aren't even recycling that.  A couple of people use a certain desk.  Behind that desk are two cans: one for trash and one for paper recycling.  I frequently find paper in the trash can.  These two cans are right next to each other!  The apathy when it comes to recycling and the environment disgusts me.  My coworkers frequently toss their empty soda bottles into the regular trash.  They could return that those bottles for 5 cents each.  Even when you pay people to recycle, many of them won't do it.
At a previous job, a coworker's friend was visiting him at work.  He mentioned that he doesn't care to recycle because, when the environment shits the bed, he will be dead and gone by then.  He obviously thought he was being hilariously funny, and my coworker laughed.  I didn't.  I don't find laziness, apathy, and selfishness humorous.   
Caring about animals and the environment go hand in hand (I think they should,), because that's where wildlife live.  I recycle as much as I can at home, so it angers and frustrates me to know how much waste is occurring elsewhere.  May have mentioned this before, but I have pulled stuff out of the trash (at work) to recycle, despite my OCD telling me not to.  Although I wear work gloves when I handle trash at work.  When I take out the trash, I try to save trash bags.  If one can isn't very full, I will dump it into another.  By contrast, some of (if not all) my coworkers just automatically (and thoughtlessly) take the bags out of the cans and throw them out: even if there had only been a tiny amount of trash in there (one piece of paper, for example).  This sort of mindless waste pisses me off.  So you see how one can reduce waste and save money simultaneously (The store uses less trash bags.). 
The holiday season is a very wasteful one.  Yesterday, I rang up a lot of holiday decoration purchases.  What a waste.  Decorations are a waste of money, time (putting up and taking them down), and materials.  People brought up carts that were full of boxes of Christmas lights and other needless, useless decorations.  Plastic bags were filled with all this unnecessary crap.  So the decorations themselves are a waste, so is the packaging they came in, and the bags they went into.  This wasteful display depressed and angered me.  I have no decorations, because I don't need them: no one does. 
Then there is the most obvious example of holiday waste: the Christmas tree.  Killing, or buying, a tree for Christmas disgusts me.  You're murdering a tree, raping Mother Nature, so you can have a tree in your home for a short period of time.  Then you will unceremoniously throw the tree out (more waste).  You'll waste time getting the tree decorations out, putting them on the tree, taking them off again, and cleaning up the after the tree.  When I walk a certain route, I pass a cliff.  When one looks over the cliff at a certain spot, one can see a Christmas tree, wrapped in plastic, stuck in the trees.  It has been there for quite a while: disgusting.  The world would be a better place without the person who put it there.  So much wasted stuff becomes litter.  I see it everywhere: yet another reason to get away from society.           

Praying Is Lazy

I touched on this the last time.  First of all, as usual, leaving children and the mentally disabled out of the equation, belief in god works as a basic intelligence test.  If you believe in god, you are not intelligent.  If you don't believe in god, then you might be intelligent. 
Praying is lazy.  Instead of getting off your ass and really doing something for someone, you can just think, "God, please help Gladys."  That's it.  You're done.  Mission accomplished.  You didn't have to get off the couch.  You didn't even have stop stuffing your face with bonbons as though they were going to be discontinued tomorrow. 
This douchebag customer came into my workplace recently.  He's a very talkative piece of shit that has nothing interesting to say.  One day, he came in and told a shitty story.  He had been waiting in line.  An old woman said something about Jesus.  The douchebag said something like, "Well, I'll pray for you right now."  And, according to him, the woman was so fucking surprised and happy.  He finished with this stupid look on his face, that was probably supposed to convey, "Isn't that an incredibly great story?"  Fuck, no.  It's one of the shittiest stories I ever heard.  Perhaps the woman was lonely.  Maybe she needed someone to do things for her that she can't do anymore.  Maybe she needed someone to just spend some time with her.  But, no, that would require time and effort!  Just think, or say, a quick prayer, and you're done!
My mother told me, at least once I can recall, that she was praying for me.  Thanks for nothing.  I could pray that I have intelligent, successful, competent, and caring parents, but that ain't gonna happen. 
Jim Kelly, who is a former pro (American) football player, has had bouts with cancer.  I remember him, on TV, thanking people for their support.  Not sure if I remember exactly what he said, but the important parts, for this subject, are intact.  He thanked them for their cards, messages, and prayers, and, he added, "especially the prayers."  That annoyed me.  If someone is sending a card, or even just posting something on social media, then they're putting in more effort than someone who is just praying.  If you want to do something without doing anything, then pray.   

Stopgap

I haven't had time for this lately, because I've been pushing hard to finish my book.  These are some lyrics that have been on my mind lately.

from "Sweet Wine" (Cream song)-
"Who wants the worry, the hurry of city life.
Money, nothing funny, wasting the best of our life."

from "So What'cha Want" (Beastie Boys song)-
"Well I think I'm losing my mind, this time
This time I'm losing my mind, that's right
Said I think I'm losing my mind, this time
This time, I'm losing my mind"

Mantras

This is a mantra I thought of yesterday that could help me get through the day; "Time is passing; death is closer."
This is another; "I've proven I can handle the pain."  I prefer the first one, though.  There's always the possibility that I'll be dealt more pain than I can handle.

One Day at a Time

Fuck weeks, months, and years.  One day at a time is the only way I can stay sober.  It's the only way I can get through the workday.  It's the only way I can get through the day.  It's the only way I can survive.

Smile

 

I've always liked this ditty.  When you read the lyrics, you might think it's insane.  Smile at everything?  Like a funeral, mass shooting, or terroritst attack?

 

Smile

Nat King Cole

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile

Smartphone

 
If you have a smartphone, and you're looking at it all the freaking time, here's what you need to do.  First, give me your digits.  Then put it on vibrate and slide it up your backside.  Then I'll call you, and you'll receive a special treat. 

Sex is Overrated

Sex really is overrated.  Have you ever thought about how simple it is?  It is the act of inserting a pole into a hole.  It doesn't get much more simpler than that.  Yet people go bananas over sex.  It's somewhat understandable.  We're hardwired to want to have sex and procreate.  That's how the species continues.  I'm a big fan of hot women.  Last night, I watched a movie in which Gwyneth Paltrow was wearing black lingerie.  It was hot.
On the other hand, we have intellect and reasoning.  We can choose.  We can waste a lot of time and money chasing people to have sex with, or we can masturbate whenever we want to (within reason).  I'm a big fan of masturbation.  I do it nearly every day.  If I wasn't on Prozac, I'd probably do it more.  I find Prozac to be a bit of a sex drive reducer.  Masturbation is great.  It cuts to the chase.  What's the best part about sex?  Orgasm, of course.  That's what jerking off is all about.  As a matter of fact, I jacked off to the aforementioned scene in which Gwyneth Paltrow was cavorting about in black lingerie.  It was very satisfying.    
Sex can lead to unwanted pregnancy.  This leads to kids being born that aren't really wanted.  This leads to lives full of pain.  Sex can lead to diseases: like AIDS, chlamydia, herpes, and gonorrhea.  If one can't keep their urge under control, one might rape, which can ruin the lives of the victim and the rapist.  Some people are sexually attracted to children.  If they act on this attraction, more lives will be marred.  Countless lives have been ruined by sex.
I've written this here before, but I'm so glad I've never gotten a woman pregnant.  I'm so glad I've never brought someone into this cruel world to suffer.  I'm sure I'll never want to.  Too many people, and animals, have suffered horrible existences in this cold world of brutality.
My advice to you is to realize the ways in which sex can ruin your life and the lives of others.  Protected sex is preferable to unprotected sex, but protection can fail.  The only sure way to avoid unwanted pregnancy and STDs is to abstain from having sex.  Fear of getting a woman pregnant is part of the reason why I didn't have sex from the ages of 27-44: 17 years.  I have no regrets about that.          

TV Is a Drug

Don't watch TV; watch this young groundhog!

It really is, and I am a recovering addict.  As a kid, I watched tons of it.  As an adult, I've watched tons of it. When you add cable, it becomes a hard drug.  A TV with digital cable is cocaine.  A TV with digital cable plus a movie channel is crack.  A TV with digital cable plus two movie channels is meth, and so on.  You get the point.  TV, the way I have it now, is like alcohol or marijuana.  I have no cable, so I get only three channels, and one of them is a 24-hour-a-day weather channel.  However, I have a DVD player.  I watch very little television programming, but I might watch anywhere from part of a movie to two movies in any given day.  I certainly don't miss having to pay the monthly charge for cable, which went up every single year. 
TV, like drugs, can be a real time-waster.  I'm pretty sure that Time Warner Cable isn't planning to offer free cable to me, but even if they did, I think I would decline it.  The older I get, the faster time seems to move.  I feel like watching TV is like watching your life pass by.  I want to do more with my life than watch TV.  And it really does get me high.  I turn it on, watch it, and get high on it.  It brings on a certain feeling of relaxation. 
Someone recently said to me that TV gets a bad rap.  I think that's true to a degree.  I think most of the programming is crap, but I have seen some interesting and informative stuff.  Probably the most informative show I ever saw was about the Three Gorges Dam in China.  I learned that many people were displaced by it.  A city was shown, from above, that was eventually going to be entirely underwater because of the dam.  It blew my mind, because it was a real-sized city with tall buildings and everything.  It was hard to imagine.  Of course the buildings would have to be demolished.  You can't have a ship, traveling down the river, crashing into an underwater building.  In fact, some people were paid to demolish buildings in their own town that they were being forced to evacuate: adding insult to injury.  So, as you can see, that was a very informative program.  On the other end is a show like Celebrity Apprentice.  What a piece of crap.  I have to admit, the commercials drew me in.  I gave it a try.  It didn't take long to realize that Trump's main objective was to create drama by getting the participants to criticize each other: garbage.
You're free to watch as much TV as you want to.  Just remember, ultimately, what you're doing is watching a box.