Unbelievable! I had my next post all set to go, and then I got an email from my cunt of a mother, who wrote, "I'm disappointed that you didn't send me a b'day card or email." She is such a stupid piece of shit! I've told her before that I hate life, and I wish I'd never been born. She knows I have depression and that I've attempted suicide. She knows I was molested, as a kid, by her uncle, while she was sleeping soundly under the same roof, because she obviously failed to protect me. I wanted to go off on her! I still do. I'm so distracted right now. I don't want her in my life. She keeps trying to put herself there.
Anyway, I first decided to not respond, but I changed my mind. This is the email I sent to her; "I'm disappointed that you brought me into this world to suffer. I hate life. I wish I had never been born. Bringing someone into this world to suffer is much, much, much, much, much, much worse than not sending a card." I could have put A LOT more muches in there, but I'm not willing to waste too much time on the bitch.
This is what I'd like to say (or email) to her: "Fuck you, you stupid piece of shit! Fuck your birthday! I curse the day you were born! I wish you had never been born; then I wouldn't have been born, and I could have avoided a ton of pain and suffering. By the way, as I'm writing this, my back hurts; I have pain in my feet and back every fucking day. My ears are always ringing, which is a nightmare: a sound that follows me everywhere. I have depression and OCD, and they're not being treated, because I lost Medicaid, because my low-paying job, which I hate, pays me too much for Medicaid, but not enough for health insurance (if I want to save money for retirement). I'm obsessed with my neighbors, who bother me on a daily basis. Should I send a letter to the office, that's already written, complaining about them? What if my neighbors "punish" me for doing that? What if they are replaced by worse neighbors? Should I go with the devil I know, or the devil I don't know? I could complain about all the shit I have to endure, all the shitty things about life, at length, but I've done a lot of that already.
I'd like to send this too; "Fuck you! You don't deserve anything from me except for a punch in the face! You've been a shitty parent. You got knocked up, unplanned, of course, as a teen. You're stupid and ignorant as fuck now. How stupid and ignorant were you while you were raising me, by yourself, in your early twenties, when I was a young boy? You're lazy, selfish, cheap, cold, and uncaring. You never should have become a parent! When I was a kid, you blamed me for being born! How fucking stupid and inappropriate is that?" As much as I'd like to send something like that, I don't want her to save it and use it against me. By the way, this is all true. She hasn't taught me a goddamn thing. Me, and people like me, are forced to compete with people whose parents are constantly helping them get through life.
Also in her email, she suggested that I could buy antidepressants with the $250 that she gave to me fairly recently, which, for the record, I did not ask for ( I think it was an attempt to get me to contact her, and I did thank her for the money.). She is so fucking ignorant! She can't be bothered to put in 2 seconds of research about what her son is going through. What am I supposed to do, take $250 worth of antidepressants (about 2 months' worth) and then stop? What fucking psychiatrist would recommend doing something as stupid as that? None of them! It reminds me of when I was staying with her. I was mowing her lawn for her fat ass. I stepped on a rusty nail, because the piece of lazy shit had boards with rusty nails on her lawn (You should see the inside of her house! What a fucking slob!). I was worried. She wasn't. She didn't lift a finger to help me. She just waddled her fat ass to the library as usual. Why make a sacrifice for your son?
I've thought of sending this email to her before, and maybe I will someday; "As long as I hate life, and I do, then it makes sense that I will hate those who gave me life. And if you're too stupid to figure that out, and you probably are, then get someone to help you."
