Life Sucks.

Pain

Sure, I have depression and OCD.  But, virtually every day, I come to the conclusion that life sucks.  I wish I had never been born.  I wish I could just die peacefully and painlessly in my sleep tonight.  But I cling to life because I have hope.  Also, as Matthew McConaughey's character said in the very good TV show, True Detective, "I don't have the constitution to commit suicide."  At least I think I don't.  I wish I did.  I'm very torn.  I want to die, and I feel like continuing to live is just more punishment.  But I want to change the world by helping animals and convincing people to not bring people and animals into this world of brutality and misery. 
I can't get a job.  Even McDonald's wouldn't give me an interview after I applied.
I have no energy.  I walk, becasue I feel compelled to exercise, but also because I have to walk to get food and other supplies I need.
I don't have a car.  I live in a place where you need a car.
I'm living off credit cards and going further and further into debt.  This is very stressful.
It's not just me.  Tons of people are living lives they hate.  How many of us are truly living the lives we want to?  Mick Jagger, Keith Richards, Paul McCartney, Pete Townsend, Derek Jeter,  and Messi come to mind. 
The good times never last.  You go out with friends, then it winds down and you're alone again.
I'm the result of a teen pregnancy.  My father left when I was 2 years old, so I was raised by a woman in her early 20's.  That's less than ideal.  I'm a mess.  At least I've never brought anyone into this cruel world.   
My pain is both physical and emotional: everyday.  Life is pain.  Life is misery.  This is my experience.  If it isn't yours, you're lucky.
Before you accuse me of being a bitcher or a moaner, do your research.  Suicide is always one of the leading causes of death.  The CDC asked the media to not report suicides, because that just leads to more (copycat) suicides.  I read that, in the U.S., the number of suicides has increased every single year since 1999.       

Find the Light in the Darkness

sister baby groundhogs

I'm feeling good today.  Recently, until yesterday, I had been in a pretty deep depression.  A friend of mine likes the movie Yes Man, with Jim Carrey, and so do I.  Say yes.  Say yes to going out, trying new things, etc.  Yesterday, I had very low energy right from the start.  Then I walked for about an hour and did some pushups & crunches.  Then I was feeling exhausted.  I ate something I'm not very used to eating as of late, cashews, and I may have eaten too many.  I wasn't feeling well.  I felt depressed, tired, and a little bit sick to my stomach.
However, my friend had left a message for me earlier in the day about going out to a bar to see a band.  I wanted to go.  I've been too lonely.  If I had a car, things would be different, but I don't.  So I kept that option open.  I was still depressed, tired, and sickly, but I thought maybe going out was what I needed to get out of my funk.  I went.  I had to take the bus.  Some moron messed-up the schedule.  I was standing where the online schedule said I should stand, but the bus went right by me.  I ran after it and caught it at another stop.
I met 2 friends at that bar.  Then we went to one of their houses.  We stayed up late and had a good time.  I slept on a couch.  I woke up and had more good times with my friend (The other had left early.).  We have a lot in common.  He fed me, gave me coffee, and drove me home.  He is a great friend, and I'm lucky to have him as one.  We might go out tonight too.  I hope so.  Friends are important, and I've never had too many.
I continue to eat chick pea salad with green onions, tomatoes, and cucumbers.  I put olive oil and salt on it.  I love it.