Arrested

I used to be able to say that I've never been arrested: not any more.  I am a memoirist, so, for now, I'm thinking I'll save the full story for another one of my seldom-read eBooks.  Suffice it to say that I'm at the lowest point in my life so far, and that's saying something. 
I've been dealing with the aftermath: court appearances, appointments with lawyers, and asking my job to let me go to these things.  I have a long road of pain-in-the-ass shit ahead.
Also, this has been a very shitty weekend as far as my asshole neighbor fucking with me goes. 
I'm thinking I don't care about my life anymore.  Because of the depression I have, I've thought that the further I slide to the bottom, the better.  I'd rather be dead than alive.  I'm only alive because I'm a coward: too scared to commit suicide.  Life is a nightmare.  It really is.  And when I read stuff written by intelligent people, they back me up on this.  It really is insane that people procreate they way they do and continue this cycle of misery, pain, and suffering.  But I'm just repeating myself. 
Fuck life in society on this planet.  Life is shit (in society) on this planet.  I'd throw it all away and be homeless in the wilderness if I wasn't addicted to toilet paper and showers.  Fuck you society, for getting me addicted to toilet paper and showers: the only good things you came up with.

Human Punching Bag

 
My "friend" has kicked me out of his house twice and attempted to kick me out of his car once (It wasn't moving at the time.).
At work, customers have fucked with me.
My neighbor hates me and tries to bother me  He is full of anger towards me.
I'm not happy at home, at work, or out with my "friend."
Only the threat of incarceration, homelessness, and injury keeps me from lashing out against my tormentors.
This is life.
Life is shit.

Angel of Death

My neighbor from hell might be the angel of death.  I've got enough keeping me down: depression, OCD, unemployment, massive credit card debt, etc.  But he's pushing me so far and so hard, that he might be just what I need to finally make me kill myself.
I need to sort through this.  I'm obsessed with him and the situation.  He's not worth my, or anyone else's, time, though.  I can't recall if I mentioned this before here.  I try to not repeat myself, I know it's annoying, but I can't be bothered to look back (too far) either.  My next-door neighbors woke me up around 1:00 am Christmas morning.  They were talking loudly in front of my door.  But that wasn't enough.  Then the asshole went out for a cigarette.  The whole time he was outside my windows, he was singing at the top of his lungs.  Wow, did he piss me off!  Then he came into the building: still singing.  I got out of bed, went to my front door, and yelled "Shut up!" as loudly as I could.  I was still very angry, which makes it hard to fall asleep again.  I lied there: cursing him.  When Monday came, I finally called the office about him.  I pretty much only complained about what I thought I could complain about.  I mentioned that he and his wife have conversations in the hallway at 5:00 am that I think they should have in their apt.: because of the time.  The office lady agreed with me.  Then I mentioned what happened Christmas, and that he ruined it.  He did.  I'm used to spending holidays alone, but that made it extra worse.  The office lady was very understanding and said she would talk to them.  
The next day, I saw them.  As I was parking in the lot, I saw them walking to the office.  He looked angry.  They had to go to the office.  It was a close call for me.  If one of them looked back, they could have seen me in my car.  I'm worried they will find out which car is mine, because I obviously don't want it to be vandalized.
Since then, I haven't heard any 5 am hallway conversations.  I also haven't heard him singing at 1 am.  But I've heard him singing.  He forces me to listen to his singing every single day.  I hear it through the walls.  I hear it coming from the hallway through my front door.  It's so annoying.  I definitely feel like I'm being harassed.  I've been thinking about how to deal with it.  I might call the office again, but, since he's not doing it late at night or very early in the morning, I could very well be shit out of luck.  I've also considered yelling through the wall, or the door, at him.  These are some of the things I've considered yelling at him when I hear his shitty singing;
"Stop singing through the wall!"
"Stop singing in the hall!"
"Stop singing through the door!"
"Stop forcing me to listen to your singing!"
"Shut up!"
"Stop harassing me, (their apt number)!"
"Hey hey, ho ho, (their apt #) has got to go!"
"You're evil!  If you don't stop harassing me, you're going to hell (His wife is religious.)!"
"Stop harassing me, or I'll call the police (pretty much a bluff  I doubt they'd do anything.)
Typing them out, they sure seem ridiculous.  But that's the point.  He's driving me crazy.  That's another one ("You're driving me crazy!").  So far, I haven't done any of that.  I'm worried about making the situation worse.  Maybe I'll try calling the office again.
Today, he was singing his head off again.  I left to go for a walk.  I could still hear him when I was outside the building.  Then I realized that he left the building after me.  He also walked in the same direction I did.  I felt like turning around and confronting him.  But I'm so pissed off at him, that a face-to-face confrontation is probably a very bad idea.  I felt better after my walk, as I usually do.  Exercise is great therapy.  It really helps.  But, of course, once I got home, I heard him singing again.  Something's gotta give.             

Tiny Leopard-Print Shoes

How could I?  Sure, there's a violation,but I can't unsettle children.  It's not right.  My neighbor has been harboring peoplein his apartment that, I believe, aren't on the lease.  At least 2 young children, and their mother, have been joining my neighbors: a married couple.  There has been extra noise to deal with.  The kids have been loud as early as 7:00 am in the hallway, which I've heard.  First of all, it's not cool to snitch.  Secondly, it's not cool to mess with the lives of kids.  I need to tell myself there things, because I don't like the situation.  I need to try to stop myself from calling the rental office about this situation.  It helps to picture the tiny leopard-print shoes I saw in the hallway outside my neighbor's door.  They must belong to one of the girls that's staying there.  I haven't walked a mile in her shoes, and I never will.  My feet couldn't fit into them. 

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Those were the days: mama Veronica with 4 of her babies.

My fears have, apparently, been confirmed.  Mama Veronica is still MIA.  Even worse, it seems as though we are down to 2 groundhog babies (from 5).  I believe that an intruding adult groundhog chased Veronica away and, perhaps, 3 of her babies.  It was horrible to witness; I heard the now familiar sounds of a young groundhog crying.  She was being attacked by the intruding adult.  She ran across the grass to the other building (the one I live in).  The adult chased her: right on her heels all the way.  I heard more of her cries.  I yelled, "Leave her alone!" out my window several times.  I don't expect the adult groundhog to know English, but I was trying to break it up.  If the adult is scared, then maybe it will put an end to the assault.
However, lately I haven't even seen this intruder around.  I recently saw a groundhog that moved around strangely: like a cross between a groundhog and a sloth.  Haven't seen that one around as of late either: just the 2 youngsters.  When it's hot out, at least one likes to lie down under the shade of a nearby bush.
What a shame it is that we're living in such a violent world.  That's why I'm dead-set against bringing people, or animals, into it.  Even though my mood has been consistently better since I've been eating fresh organic spinach every day,  I still think it's an act of cruelty for a person to bring another person or an animal into this brutal world.
I have a new neighbor.  I had been living alone in my apartment building.  Then this guy moved in right under me.  So now I'm back to hearing someone living underneath me.  It would have been better for me, and for him, if he had moved into the unit that's not below, or next to, mine.  But he didn't do that, I had no control over the situation, and what happened happened.  I have heard him making noise and I don't like it.  Considering how consistently good I've been feeling lately, today hasn't been a good one.  Either way, I'll try to persevere.  I don't believe it's in my constitution to commit suicide, so I have no choice.           

Lucinda

Lucinda as a baby.  What a furball!

I love Lucinda.  She is a beautiful groundhog.  As I mentioned before, she's put on a lot of weight.  But she was even chubby as a baby.  She gets around via the cutest waddle I've ever seen.  She, perhaps due to her heavyweight status, also seems to be the most fearless groundhog I've ever seen.  One of my (human) neighbors left his building while she was grazing just outside of it.  Usually, a groundhog in this situation will run for his or her life: not Lucinda.  She stood her ground while keeping an eye on the human.  Once he walked away, she went back to stuffing her face with grass and weeds.   One day I was walking to my car.  I noticed that Lucinda was standing right next to the sidewalk.  I couldn't believe how close she let me get to her before she started to waddle away.
I put my plan into action.  I saw a bird pecking a groundhog, so I shouted "Leave her alone!" to the bullying bird.  As a result, all the birds in the immediate area took wing, and the groundhog ran for the cover of a nearby bush.  She came out again shortly afterward to graze again.  The birds also returned.  She was pecked by a bird again.  It made me so angry.  "Leave her alone, you goddamn bird!" is what I yelled that time.  Once again, the groundhog ran away.  The plan basically worked.  Both times, it put an end (temporarily) to the bullying.  I suppose I'll do it again if I witness any more of it.  Bullying, whether it's human against human, human against animal, or animal against animal, should be stopped.  By the way, I wouldn't interfere with the natural order of things.  I understand there are predators and prey and they are all a part of the food chain.  I think it's clear that some animals were meant to survive off the flesh of other animals.  The birds don't eat groundhogs, that's a ridiculous thought, they really are pretty much just bullying them.  Not if I see it though.
Birds are crazy though.  I heard a sound, so I went over to whence it came from: a window.  I realized that a sparrow was pecking on the window screen while another one looked on: craziness.  When I walked right up to the window, they both took off.  She made a hole in the screen.  I sure hope no money gets taken out of my security deposit for that.  What the hell was she doing?  Did she want to move into my apartment?  Put a tent on this freaking circus.