Good Worker

A good worker gets to work on time.
A good worker doesn't call in sick too often.
A good worker takes a lot of shit without giving it back.
A good worker endures depressing, soul-crushing boredom.
A good worker does what he "should" do as opposed to what he wants to do.
A good worker lives a miserable life just to keep a roof over his head.
A good worker is a sucker.
Opinions vary, but I'm a good worker, and I'm sick and tired of being one.
By the way, it could easily be argued that Sick of It All is the best, realest band name ever.  I've been sick of it all for quite a while now.  I'm so miserable at this job, and I'm worried it will be that way with any other job I might be able to snag.

Shit

 
I shit every day
Every day, I have to deal with shit (literally and figuratively).
Currently, I'm dealing with 2 computer-related glitches: I can't get my printer to work (No surprise, I haven't successfully printed anything in quite a while.), and this blog keeps counting my own page views, which I don't want to happen, and I haven't been able to fix it.
Death would be so much easier.  There's so much shit to do: so much shit to remember.  Life is such a gigantic pain in the ass.  Say what you want to, but, except for that phase where I posted fiction about a groundhog with superpowers (Yes, I did.), this blog is REAL.
I know I've covered this before, but this whole business of bringing people into the world is such a crazy cycle.  Unhappy people, in a desperate attempt to be happy, bring people into the world (for their own sake).  These people start their lives off by crying.  Babies cry a lot.  Perhaps they're smart enough to know they've been brought into a brutal world of pain, misery, and death.  Of course, things will get (a lot) worse for them.  It blows my mind that people have become successful by creating a line of clothing that has "Life Is Good." printed on it.  What bullshit.  Living the lie.  That's what the creators and the buyers are doing: living the lie.
By the way, don't EVER Google images of shit (like I did for the purpose of this post).  You will see real images of human shit, which I can't deal with.  On the other hand, it's probably a good appetite suppressant.  

Kurt Cobain's Suicide Note

(I, not Cobain, am responsible for highlighting (bold) words.)
"To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.
For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!"

Thank god for Suicide

 
I don't capitalize god.  If he or she doesn't like it, he or she can put a lightning bolt through my head.  Come on, god!  I dare ya!  I dare you to put a lightning bolt through me head.  Yeah, that's what I thought.  Kiss my ass.
Anyway, suicide is a necessary evil.  I'm so glad it exists.  It's always there: 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.  I can end my pain at any time.  It's a real comfort to know I can do it, and I can do it in a number of ways.  Variety is the spice of life (and death).  I've pondered suicide quite a bit.  I know it's ugly.  I don't want to do it.  But, according to my beliefs, it effectively ends pain.  One of the things that keeps me from doing it is imagining my body trying to survive.  I think of suicide as the mind killing the body.  The mind attempts to kill the body, but the body struggles to survive.  It thrashes around on the end of a noose and tries to not drown.  Everyday, I try to take good care of my body.  I hate the thought of killing it.  So I don't want to kill myself.  But life sucks.  I don't understand how people can start a whole business by printing "Life is good." on T-shirts (and whatnot) and be successful.  Life is not good.  I feel like I'm living in a Twilight Zone episode.  Most people are miserable, but they say they're happy and life is good. 
Another example of a necessary evil is abortion.  I was definitely born too late.  If I had been conceived in 1974 (or later), I probably would have been aborted.  I would have avoided so much pain: past, present, and future.  I was the unwanted result of teenage sex.  I'm pro-choice.  Countless people have avoided unfathomable amounts of pain because their lives were nipped in the bud.  Because I've had so little sex, and some luck, I've never gotten a woman pregnant.  It really is important to always be learning and progressing.  I saw an excellent documentary on abortion.  I thought I was all for it.  Then I saw the aftermath of one.  I saw the baby body parts on the doctor's tray.  I saw an arm and a head with at least one eye.  It didn't make me agree with the pro-life people, but it helped me understand them more.  Abortion is necessary, but it's ugly.     

Find the Light in the Darkness

sister baby groundhogs

I'm feeling good today.  Recently, until yesterday, I had been in a pretty deep depression.  A friend of mine likes the movie Yes Man, with Jim Carrey, and so do I.  Say yes.  Say yes to going out, trying new things, etc.  Yesterday, I had very low energy right from the start.  Then I walked for about an hour and did some pushups & crunches.  Then I was feeling exhausted.  I ate something I'm not very used to eating as of late, cashews, and I may have eaten too many.  I wasn't feeling well.  I felt depressed, tired, and a little bit sick to my stomach.
However, my friend had left a message for me earlier in the day about going out to a bar to see a band.  I wanted to go.  I've been too lonely.  If I had a car, things would be different, but I don't.  So I kept that option open.  I was still depressed, tired, and sickly, but I thought maybe going out was what I needed to get out of my funk.  I went.  I had to take the bus.  Some moron messed-up the schedule.  I was standing where the online schedule said I should stand, but the bus went right by me.  I ran after it and caught it at another stop.
I met 2 friends at that bar.  Then we went to one of their houses.  We stayed up late and had a good time.  I slept on a couch.  I woke up and had more good times with my friend (The other had left early.).  We have a lot in common.  He fed me, gave me coffee, and drove me home.  He is a great friend, and I'm lucky to have him as one.  We might go out tonight too.  I hope so.  Friends are important, and I've never had too many.
I continue to eat chick pea salad with green onions, tomatoes, and cucumbers.  I put olive oil and salt on it.  I love it.    

Please Treat Animals Well

Now that's a horse that I would ride.

I was walking near a Wal-Mart.  I noticed a young man addressing a seagull in an impolite way.  If he had taken action against the seagull, I would like to think I would have intervened.  I would have told him to leave the seagull alone.  Or what?  He might have asked.  Or I'll knock your teeth down your throat.  He probably would have been shocked.  He likely would not have believed that a skinny, short, "old" guy would confront him like that.  But no, he just gave a disdainful look to the seagull and walked on. 
I often get offended while watching TV.  While channel surfing today, I came across a hunting program, which, of course, make me sick.  This hunter picked up a dead duck, and said to his buddy, "It landed right at my feet.  It literally hit me in the knee on the way down."  Predictably, his idiot buddy laughed.  I changed the channel in disgust. 
Duck Dynasty, I hear, is an extremely popular TV show.  I don't have cable; I've never seen it.  From what I've read, it's about hillbillies that have gotten rich by helping people kill ducks.  I'm rooting for the ducks: not the hillbillies.  I don't care how long their beards are.  If I was given power of life and death, and was forced to choose who would die, either a duck or one of the Duck Dynasty hillbillies, I would spare the lives of the ducks every time.  I don't care how long their beards are, every single duck in the world is cuter than they are.  F___ those Duck Dynasty ass_____. 
Trust me, it always feels good to treat animals well.  I don't know if I believe in karma, but I do at least sometimes.  If you're going around and dealing out death and violence, then maybe you should expect some to come back in your direction.  Don't you think things would work out better for you if you tried to be good instead of evil?
If you love all the animals, and live your life that way everyday, then I love you.  But it's not enough.  People like us need to try to change the hearts and minds of those who eat meat and don't care about animals beyond their pets.  The animals literally don't have a voice; we must speak up for them.