Snapshot

I took a snapshot of her with my eyes
it was a perfect moment
she was walking, in mid-stride
I knew she was attractive
but she looked ravishing
in her orange sweater
and her, as usual, tight jeans
her long, blonde hair
framing her pretty face nicely
it was the perfect moment
to take a snapshot with my eyes
to save the image in my brain
for when I masturbate

 

Dead Souls

"I see dead people," is a line from a movie that a lot of people like.  I see a lot of dead souls, which you can see in people's eyes.  I work with people who's souls are on life support.  Like many people, they spend a lot of time working a boring job that they don't like, which kills the soul.  They stare at their smartphones, and they live for their time in front of the TV. 
"You can be anything you want to be," is 99.9% bullshit.  How many people would like to be Paul McCartney, Mick Jagger, LeBron James, or Stephen Curry?  Lots.  But only 4 of them are.  The vast majority of us have to settle for jobs, careers, and lives that we don't really want. 
My soul is mostly dead.  My writing gives me hope.  As previously mentioned, I'm working on a comedic book, which is close to being finished.  I'm excited about that, but I can't help reminding myself that, due to overpopulation, I'm living in a world of billions, many of whom are desperate for attention.
I'm grateful for the page views this blog gets.  It's dark, but perhaps people appreciate the no-bullshit realism here.  I have tons of things to write about here, but, as I just mentioned, my main focus is my next book, as it should be.  Several people have told me I'm funny (unsolicited), so I suppose that comedy is my forte.  That's all for now.

Hanging on by a Paw

Sometimes, all you have to live for is a paw.  These are dark times for me.  However, this weekend, I spent the night at my friend's house.  He has 2 cats: Jack and Berkeley.  I slept on a couch.  Berkeley slept on the couch cushion that was right over my head.  He used to recline on the couch cushion that was closer to my feet.  Because of the location of the TV, I always face the same way when I recline.  Lately, Berkeley has switched cushions he lies on, I think, because he wants to make it easier for me to pet him.  He's a very sweet cat.  So is Jack, but he's a bit of a scaredy cat.
I was sleeping on the couch and I opened my eyes.  I was looking up.  I saw one of Berkeley's paws hanging over the couch cushion.  That sight delighted me.  My friend, Berkeley, slept right above my head.
When I'm depressed, and I often am, I try to remember to think about the sight of Berkeley's paw.   

You Are an Animal

Just like us, bald eagles like to go to the beach.

And so am I.  Don't you see all the things we have in common with animals?  Many of them, like us, have 4 limbs.  I could go on forever: nose, mouth, eyes, ears, blood, heart, lungs, drink water, eat food, sleep, excrete, breathe and so on.  We're animals.  We just happen to be the worst this world has ever seen.  What species of animals has done more damage to the world than we have?  Some of us have been greedy, selfish, and vicious to a point that any other animal couldn't even imagine, let alone match.
They belong here as much as we do.  There's a whole food chain, and all of us fit into it.  Of course we keep messing it up by introducing invasive species to places where they don't belong.  We just do what we want: usually only thinking of ourselves.
People who love animals are merciful, gentle people.  If we weren't, then we would be terrorists.  We'd be shooting up steak houses, butcher shops, and fur stores.  I watch the news often, and I've heard about a lot of shootings and terrorist attacks, but never one that was perpetrated in the name of animal rights or liberation.  Sure, I've heard about Animal Liberation Front members breaking in to labs, rescuing the captive animals, then burning the place down to the ground after all the animals had been removed.  That's my idea of a hero.  I've read about how animals are treated in labs.  They are maimed, tortured, and killed.  It's 100% wrong to experiment on live animals.  If you don't have a problem with it, then I don't have a problem with scientists experimenting on your children.  Educate yourself on the subject.  It is wrong to torture animals: period.  They should have the right to be free and live natural lives.  Ever put yourself in the place of the animals being experimented on in labs?  If so, your life would likely be a complete nightmare. 
They say the pen is mightier than the sword; I hope so.  I haven't seen many sword-wielding animal rights activists.  Those of you who aren't vegetarians, and feel no need to make any sacrifices on behalf of animals (my brothers and sisters), just realize how angry us real animal lovers are at selfish people like you.

Snow!

Winter wonderland

Nemo dumped a lot of snow on Rochester over the past couple of days.  It's a winter wonderland!  Even better, my guests have never seen snow before.  Bumpkin used her superpowers to levitate herself, so she could look out the window at the falling snow.  Lucinda looked at me and made lots of whiny noises. 
"What does she want, Bumpkin?"
"She wants you to pick her up so she can look out the window."
"It would be my pleasure."  I bent down to pick her up, and she opened her front legs wide with anticipation.  I picked her up and held her close to me.  Lucinda looked out the window and squealed with delight.  I felt something tugging at my left pajama pants' leg.  I looked down and saw Sloopy looking at me with her front legs open wide.
"Bumpkin, I think Sloopy wants to look out of the window too.  Could you give her a boost?"
"But of course."  Just like that, Bumpkin used her powers to levitate Sloopy so she could see the snow.  Sloopy squealed delightedly.
"That's enough looking.  Let's go outside!"  Bumpkin said.  That led to the loudest squeals I ever heard Sloopy and Lucinda emit.  I began to get bundled up for the cold weather.
"I don't have any clothes that would fit you guys, but I do have some extra hats.  You're welcome to wear them."
"We will wear the hats," said Bumpkin.  I got them out and tossed them onto the floor.  Bumpkin chose a black knit hat, Sloopy selected a blue one, and Lucinda grabbed a multi-colored hat.  They put them on.  They looked so cute, but their heads are so much smaller than mine.  The hats covered their entire heads and then some.  Lucinda and Sloopy began to whine, because they couldn't see.  Bumpkin immediately used her powers to make holes in the hats for their eyes and mouths.  Lucinda and Sloopy cheered. 
"Let's go!" said Bumpkin.  I opened the door for them, and my groundhog friends exited the apartment.  It was beautiful outside.  All 3 sisters began to run around in the snow.  I made a snowball and tossed it playfully at Lucinda.  I missed.
"Hey!  What the freak do you think you're doing, buster?  I would think you'd know better by now than to attack one of my sisters!"
"Whoa!  Hold on a second, Bumpkin!  Before you eradicate me with one of your fireballs of destruction, please let me say something."
"I'm listening.  This better be good, buster."
"Sometimes, when it snows, friends throw snowballs at each other.  It's just for fun; it's not attacking."
"OK.  I forgive you."
"Thank you, Miss Bumpkin."  I noticed that many snowballs were rising out of the snow on the ground.  I had a feeling about what was going to happen next.  Sure enough, I was pelted with over 100 snowballs at once.  I was knocked down immediately.  They continued to hit me while I was down.  It was like an avalanche.  I soon was completely covered with snow.  I couldn't breathe.  My life flashed before my eyes. 
When I came to, I was in my bed. 
"Sleeping beauty has awoken," said Bumpkin.  "Here, have some of this."  A mug floated toward me and I grabbed the handle.  The aroma emanating from it was quite familiar to me: hot chocolate.  I took a sip.
"Delicious cocoa, Bumpkin.  Thank you."
"It's the least I could do.  I killed you: by accident.  No harm done though.  Obviously, I brought you back to life."
"Wow.  Thanks for bringing me back to life Bumpkin."
"What are friends for?"

Bumpkin Apologized

Go ahead and take a break; you earned it.

She's a little rough around the edges, she has the necessary power to fiercely battle all the world's militaries simultaneously, but she's a real sweetheart.  She apologized for hitting me in the backside with one of her fireballs, which always emanate from her left front paw. 
"I'm sorry I hit you in the butt with a fireball," she said.
"Oh, Mistress Bumpkin, thank you so much.  That means so much to me," I replied with teary eyes.  It really did.  I love it when she's not mad at me; when I don't really have to worry about being deep-sixed by a groundhog.
She stood on her hind paws.  "Give me a hug," she said.
"Gladly, Madame Bumpkin, gladly," I replied.  We hugged.  It was great.  "You know I love you, Lady Bumpkin."
"I know you do," she replied.
"And I want to be with you for as long as I can."
"I know."
"Whatever I need to do to prove my worth to you; I will do."
"You'll try; I don't know if you'll succeed."
I got down on one knee in front of Bumpkin.  "Ms. Bumpkin, I hereby pledge my everlasting loyalty to you: now and forever."
"What is this crapola?"
"I'll always be on your side.  We'll always be each other's firsts.  You're my first groundhog friend, and I'm your first human friend."
"You're my only human friend.  I won't be making any more human friends; especially since I'll be slaughtering millions of them every darn day come spring."
"It will be a bloody spring indeed.  Please remember, as I've said before, friends don't kill friends."
"Don't you try to tell me who I shouldn't kill!"
"Yes, ma'am.  Sorry, ma'am."
"If you don't want me to kill you, then you should be begging me for opportunities to practice your marvelous groundhog massage technique on my body."
"Yes!  Thanks for reminding me!  Would you like a massage right now, Princess Bumpkin?"
"No, I mentioned it because I don't want a massage." 
I began to rub her little shoulders.  "I know when you're being sarcastic.  Just relax and enjoy the ride."