A Day in the Park

I was feeling like crap this morning.  Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that expired margarine the night before.  But once I drove to a park and started walking, I began to feel better. 
I saw some deer.  They were staring at me.  I stopped and stared at them.  They weren't far away from me.  I smiled, waved, and talked to them.  I told them they were beautiful, and they are. 
I saw a guy and two happy dogs approaching me.  The dogs started to make their way to me, and the guy assured me that they were friendly.  I petted the first one to reach me as the other one ran toward me.  He was quite enthusiastic, and he jumped on me and slobbered on me, which was okay.  The guy yelled at him to leave me alone.
A little later, I could hear a dog approaching me from behind as I was walking.  Then I heard the guy yell, "Bucky!  Leave him alone!  He doesn't want you slobbering on him!"
None of this would have happened if I hadn't gone outside.

Seeing Yourself

Do you ever see yourself?  I mean in a sort of literal sense.  For instance, you're lying on the couch, watching TV, and you step outside yourself a little bit.  You can see what you look like.  You imagine that you're someone else (or, somehow, still you), in the room, looking at you from approximately 8 feet away.  I think it can be a helpful exercise.  It can help you realize how you're wasting time and/or what you're doing that you don't really want to do (or spend less time doing).  I don't like to see myself lying on the futon, watching TV.  It's pathetic.  I'm doing nothing.  I'm inside (I've written, over and over again now, that it's better, more natural and therapeutic, to be outside, but, of course, most of us don't want to always be outside.) and I'm looking at a screen.  I know why I do it.  I like movies and TV shows, but only if they are genuinely worth watching (Many aren't.  I have a 30-minute rule.  I will watch a movie or a TV show [on DVD-I don't have cable] for 30 minutes, and, if it has failed to grab me by then, I will stop watching it and move on to the next one.  There are exceptions.  I recently gave Easy A less than 30 minutes before pulling the plug, because it was, in my opinion, made for people much younger than me.).  I also read, and I'd be better off doing that, but my current setup makes it less comfy to do that.  Although I probably could fix that just by moving a lamp.  There's also the issue of my asshole neighbors.  Their loud TV comes right through the wall we share.  If I'm reading, there's nothing to drown out the sound they make.  If I'm watching TV, then that noise will battle the sound they're making.
Another place I hate to "see myself" is at work.  I hate what I do: what I am 40 hours a week.  It's depressing to stand outside myself and see me doing what I do to pay the bills.  I don't even like to watch other people doing what I do; it's an unpleasant reminder.  So you see how this can be a helpful thing to do.  It lets me know that I don't like my job (I can get another one.), and I don't like watching as much TV as I do (I can watch less and read more.).
I don't mind seeing myself sitting at my computer, probably because I'm usually doing something at least somewhat constructive.  The issue there is stamina.  I can only sit there for so long, before the pain becomes unbearable (I don't have a laptop; it's a desktop.), which is why I adjourn to my futon to watch TV.  I also don't mind seeing myself exercising.  Exercise is very important: for both physical and mental health.  I don't mind seeing myself outside at all: even if I'm just standing around and looking at some trees.  There's nothing wrong with that; it's natural.  It's soothing.  Time spent in nature is time well spent.           

People Ruin Everything

People ruin the environment, the lives of animals, the lives of other people, everything.  If I am having a rare good day, then it's highly possible that someone will ruin it.  I sort of don't understand why people would have friends.  I understand that loneliness is not good; I deal with it everyday.  But take the example of my aforementioned frenemy.  There are plenty of times when he and I got along very well.  But it was always just a matter of time until he ruined it by judging me, criticizing me, or yelling at me (for no good reason).  My ex-girlfriend used to be absolutely pissed off that she HAD to go see friends of hers.  What's the point of that?  If seeing friends is like work, then why do it?  My frenemy told me he was going to a Springsteen concert with a friend.  At no time did he want to go.  He complained and complained about it.  Why complain about it to me?  I'm not the one that's going to the concert with you.  But he went, and complained about it some more afterward.
Work sucks, but it's preferable to work outside, where we sell colorful flowers; it's a marvelous display.  As I've mentioned here before, it's good to be outside.  It's natural.  It's the way it should be.  But the outside area at work is definitely ruined by people.  It's amazing how different the two ends of the massive home improvement store I work at are.  In lumber, the customers are mostly men, and they sometimes expect me to know how to build or fix this or that.  I don't know how to build or fix anything.  The garden area of the store might as well be a world away.  Most of the customers are women, and they expect me to know about plants and gardening.  I don't know shit about that.  Lots of the customers there are elderly ladies.  Plenty of them have lashed out at me.  It must be hard to be an old lady.  I'm sure a lot of people treat them like they're slow and in the way, which they sort of are.  I've seen, and dealt with, a depressing amount of elderly people that I never want to be like.  They say, "death before dishonor."  Well, it's dishonorable to be half dead physically and mentally.  I think it makes sense to kill yourself before you become a ghost of your former self.
The elderly lady was buying something from me at the outside register, and she was saying the usual boring shit that I've heard tons of times before.  It's amazing how dull and unfunny many people are when they try to be funny.  I didn't react to what she was saying.  She said something about not talking much.  "Who?" I asked.  "You," she said angrily.  So, once again, I'm the lowest on the food chain.  My position in society is to take undeserved abuse from pathetic old ladies.  The young, tattooed woman who was next in line heard the exchange.  She, unsolicited, mentioned to me how the old lady's attack (on me) was bogus. 
Since we're outside, there is, obviously, no roof to block sunlight.  This means that direct sunlight hits the PIN pad; the glare makes it hard to see.  You wouldn't believe how many morons complain that they can't read its screen, as though it's my, or anyone's, fault.  What do I want to say every time?  "Hey, if I could control the brightness of the sun, I wouldn't be here."  Or, "You could pay inside, which has a fucking roof over it."
Last night, a bit of a connection was made.  I was dealing with a customer who's a very nice guy.  The total came up, and he mentioned that it was the same as the year he was born.  I didn't tell him, but it was the year I was born too.  He talked to me a little bit.  He mentioned that he works 12-hour days, 7 days a week.  Then he added that he's making a lot of money.  You see, he ruined it there by bragging about all the money he's making.  It wasn't necessary.  I think bragging about the money you have, especially to someone who doesn't have much of it, isn't classy.  My frenemy was like that.  Not only did he brag about his money, he told me several times that his sister is rich: rubbing other people's money in my face over and over again.  He is such a piece of shit.  
If you want to laugh, try my Twitter account where I tweet jokes.  It's here: https://twitter.com/TheBaldDBag        

Buuny, 1 Hawk, 0

That isn't a typo.  I took a picture of a hawk eating a bunny.  I presume the hawk killed the bunny.  However, because the bunny is dead, he or she will suffer no more.  Only the living suffer.  What sort of life did she have anyway?  Hopping around, eating grass, hanging out, and sleeping?
Although I just saw an interesting documentary last night called Love Thy Nature.  Once again, the benefits of a natural, whole foods, plant-based (vegan) diet were extolled.  That's a goal of mine: to eat no processed foods.  Sugar is the great Satan.  I'm so lazy, though.  It's so easy to open a bag of chips.  I have to at least try it, though.  It could work as a natural antidepressant.  Wouldn't have to cook or wash pots and pans either.  This film also suggested that we're happier when we're outside: not on a busy street in a city, but in nature.  I had suspected that.  Since I finished my book, which there hasn't been any interest in yet, that is here: https://www.amazon.com/Farts-Literature-featuring-Bald-D-Bag-ebook/dp/B074MCFPVD/ref=sr_1_2?s=digita I've got more time to spend outside, so I think I'll do that. 
Another missing part of the happiness equation for me is friends; I have none.  Though I feel like all the world's animals are my friends.  It is my goal, at work, to pet at least one dog a day, and, most of the time, I'm able to do that.  The best thing, by far, about my job is that dogs are allowed to be there.  Coworkers have also brought in a cat and a ferret. 
I am alone.  Yesterday, I went to a library that's fairly far away.  I went for a walk along the Erie Canal.  There was some sort of an event going on.  There were a lot of people around, and a band was playing loud music.  I didn't know that would be happening.  If I had, I might have avoided it.  All those people, socializing with their friends and family members, made me feel extra lonely.

Getting Ready for Work

Once again, I didn't get enough sleep.  I'm tired, in pain (as usual, in multiple areas on my body), and I have a full day of work ahead of me.  It was going to be a 7-hour day, but, as a favor for a coworker, I switched schedules with her.  Also as a result of this switch, I'll be working outside.  I originally was scheduled to work inside, which I prefer.  I harbor no ill will toward the coworker; I like her, but it just goes to show how many different ways you can get screwed in this society. 
Oh yeah, yesterday, April 1st, I was attacked by a Canadian goose, which really happened.