Cowards

I'd always gotten the asshole vibe from this regular customer at work. He'd made fun of me before, & I'm sick of seeing his ugly face. I work as a lumber cashier at Lowe's, & I see some customers everyday or nearly everyday: frequently multiple times a day. It sucks. This guy is 1 of those customers.
When this guy is there by himself, there aren't problems. But when he has an audience, watch out. He's been there with his kid(s), & asked me, "Are you having fun?" & I've said, no, & he's laughed, which might not sound so bad (Certainly, trust me, it's boring & typical.), but context is everything sometimes. I'm real; that's how I am. If I'm miserable, I have neither the energy nor the inclination to act happy. & I'm frequently miserable at work for good reason; my job sucks.
Lately, this asshole has been coming into Lowe's with a young guy: a teen. So they come to my register. While I'm doing my job, the asshole asks me, "Do you like your job?" He's such an asshole, I was expecting him to laugh when I said, "no," but he didn't. "What's your passion?" he asked. As I mentioned, I'd gotten the asshole vibe from him before, so I didn't answer. he said, "not this?" I said, "no." The teen said, "Are you certified in anything?" "No," I said. "He don't give a fuck about you," the asshole said. "He's angry," 1 of them said as they were leaving. It was humiliating. They ganged up on me. If you don't see it, you had to be there.
I'm such an easy target. I stand there, they approach me, & I have to deal with them. Realistically, to be a cashier at my age means I'm a loser. & that's how they treated me. & people are so shitty, they don't care WHY you're a loser, just that you ARE 1, & therefore, it's OK to treat you like 1. Maybe I'm a loser because I'm the result of a teen pregnancy, my father left when I was 2, my mother has always been cold, selfish, lazy, uncaring, stupid, etc, & I was molested by a family member (the short version).
So that in itself sucked, but it wasn't over. That occurred at the "front end" of the store, where the main exit is. Then, as usual, I moved to the lumber register to relieve the woman who starts there at 6:00 am. So they returned. Fucking great, I thought. Even though he's well into adulthood, I saw the asshole jump onto a cart & ride it a bit.
So they approached me again. The asshole said, "hi." I was still pissed at them, so I said nothing. He laughed & so did the teen. Then he asked, condescendingly, "which register do you like better: this or the other 1?" Again, I said nothing, & again they laughed at me. I'd had enough.
"I don't appreciate you hassling me while I'm trying to pay my bills & keep a roof over my head!" I said very angrily to the asshole. I had bagged his purchases & tossed them hard onto the counter, which may have hit him a little bit, & there was hard stuff in that bag. He looked shocked; I didn't care; I was furious.
"You got it wrong," he said. "I was trying to be nice." "You laughed at me!" I replied. He said, "Yeah, but- (don't recall the rest)."
Then he called me a prick. Obviously, you can get fired for cursing out a customer, so I said, "You are!" The whole time, the teen is smirking at me: so fucking disrespectful & shitty. Then the teen bought an energy drink. I virtually always hand the change to the customers: not this time. I definitively put his change & receipt on the counter; our hands touched a little. I did not thank them for their purchases; again, I virtually always do that. The teen continued to smirk, as he said, "Have a nice day" (sarcastically) to me.
As they were leaving, the asshole loudly said, "What a fucking asshole!" or something like that, which was obviously meant for me. The teen laughed.
For quite a while, hours, afterward, I felt sick: possibly the result of an adrenaline dump. I also had, & still do, some fear. What if they come back to beat the shit out of me? I spend a lot of time alone over there: especially at night. What if 1 or both of them know Karate, etc.?
That's why I titled this "Cowards," because that's what people who fuck with other people while they're working are. It's not fair. He can call me a prick, an asshole, but I can't unless I don't mind getting fired, which doesn't seem so fucking bad, & hasn't for a while now.
Now I can "look forward" to dealing with them again (& again & again).

Probably the End

I thought i'd heard the last from the woman I went on 2 dates with, then she messaged me again. I read this (from her) today:
"My attraction to someone develops through feeling a connection with them. I don't know yet if that will happen with you."
my reply:
i'm not someone who's driven by the pursuit of $, greed & selfishness. what people think about me, their judgements, it doesn't matter to me. I do my best to not support animal cruelty, & i've never gotten a woman pregnant. you may as well know sooner than later (she's procreated twice) that I think it's cruel for people to bring people or animals into a world that is so obviously cold, cruel, brutal, & dangerous. You seem intelligent, so I don't need to list all the problems with this world. the news does that everyday anyway. so i am proud of the way i've lived my life. I'm a merciful person who makes sacrifices everyday for the sake of animals. & if people don't appreciate me for who i am, then I'm not interested in them.

I Tried

I realized I've explored the spectrum of negativity here while I was bored out of my mind at work yesterday.  I came up with a more positive mantra than the one I usually go with (Time is passing; death is closer.), which is "Time is passing; you have paid time off to take."  Despite the soul-crushing boredom, I was trying to feel positive.  Then I shaved my bald head, and some hair fell into my eye, and it was bad.  My eye is tearing up again just thinking about it.  There was pain, discomfort, and worry.  I have no health insurance.  I couldn't go to a hospital without breaking the bank.  And that's life.  Just when it's going okay, something shitty happens. 
That's another "life is."  Life is suffering with hair in your eye, trying to finish cutting your hair, while, as usual, hearing your scumbag neighbors through the wall.  You want to scream at them to give you a break, because you're suffering worse than usual, but you realize they have a right to make their shitty noise; it's not too early or too late.  And screaming at them would probably just make it worse.  And when horrible things happen to you, other people, and animals, the rest of the world just smiles and laughs, because they don't care.  What a cruel, cold place.  

Life Is

Life is a dove perched alone on a wire under a cold heavy rain (Which I saw today but didn't take a photo, because my cheap phone can't do that, and my digital camera isn't charged.).

Poor Cat

It's a cold world for stray cats

She's homeless.  She seems to not trust people; maybe she's been abused.  She's a stray cat who lives around here.  Last night, the temperature here hit a record low of 6 degrees below zero.   I've seen her trotting around in the snow.  I've seen her tracks, and I know she's been around.  It breaks my heart to think of all the stray cats out there.  They have to deal with horrible, sometimes deadly, weather.  There are people out there who would torture and kill them.  Please spay and neuter your pets.  There are so many unwanted dogs and cats.  They're either homeless, or they're languishing in cages at shelters.  If you want to make a commitment to a dog or cat for the rest of your (or their) life, and you're committed to treating the pet well, then please adopt.  Breeders piss me off because they play God and bring dogs into a world in which there are already more than people want.  
My diet is going well.  I've recently gotten into soups big time.  For a while, I considered myself to be the sort of person that doesn't like soup.  Now that I'm trying to not eat any processed foods, I've rethought that position.  I've been eating split pea and lentil soups.  A one-pound bag of them costs a little over a dollar.  I cook it with carrots and celery.  I've really been enjoying it: especially since it's been so cold.  I think of veggie soup as a hot winter salad.  Instead of eating a bunch of cold vegetables, it makes sense to throw them into a soup and heat them up.  I'm not much of a cook, but it's very easy to make, doesn't require much effort at all, and it's done pretty quickly.  It's very filling too.    

Bumpkin's Plan

A young Bumpkin grazing with her mommy: Sheila

It's a devious plan indeed.  It's diabolical.  The casualties will be enormous; many people will die when Bumpkin finally makes her move to wrest control of the world from the humans.
"I'll attack Canada first," declared Bumpkin.  "That place is so freaking cold that I'll be doing them a favor by putting them out of their misery.  That place is fit for neither groundhog nor beastie.  Who says I don't have a heart?"
"That's nice of you, Bumpkin.  It is a God-forsaken land during winter.  You might want to toast Minnesota and Maine with your fireballs for the same reasons; it can get really cold in those states."
"Don't try to tell me what to do!  I know all about that anyway, buster!  I watch the weather channel."
"I'm sorry, Bumpkin.  You're right.  It's your war: not mine."
"Darn right, mister!  It's my war!  And I suggest you try to remain on the right side of it."
"Yes, ma'am.  I know you will kill as many humans as you need to in order to win.  And killing people is as easy as pie for you."
"Easy as pie?  How does that make sense?"
"Well, it's just an expression that people say.  It's means it's easy."
"What's so easy about pie?  That's what I'm asking."
"I don't know."
"Then stop saying that, dummy."
"Yes, ma'am."
"Where was I?  Oh yeah.  After I attack Canada, I'll launch many super-sized fireballs that will kill humans anywhere and everywhere, but harm no animals.  I want to let the humans know that the whole world is under attack, and there is no safe harbor."
"Good idea, mistress Bumpkin."
"You're darn tootin' mister."
"Then what?"
"Then I'll get on TV, and tell the humans how they can avoid further bloodshed."
"How can they do that/"
"By surrendering, butthead."
"Of course.  What if they don't surrender?"
"I'll kill as many people in Switzerland as possible while not harming animals."
"They're neutral."
"I know."
"Good idea, Bumpkin.  Annihilate a neutral country; that will have them thinking."
"Of course.  Believe me, I know what I'm freaking doing."