Trying

The Golden Gate Bridge: a life taker

Life is so complicated.  Today, as usual, I listened to the radio.  When I heard that a man who attempted to commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge was going to be featured on an hour-long talk show, I was all ears.
I've blogged about suicide before.  I have attempted to commit suicide myself.   I wanted to die.  The good news, for me, is that I finally realized I needed help with my depression, and I got some.  I'm still alive.  Where there's life, there's hope.
Over 2,000 people have committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge.  I even saw a documentary about this particular subject.  The filmmakers focused their camera on the bridge and got footage of people ending their lives by jumping off of it.  About 30-something (36?) people have survived that particular jump.  The man I listened to today jumped and survived it.  It was a good show.  This survivor of suicide spoke quite well.  He mentioned that there is a plan to put nets under the bridge, so no one will ever be able to use it to commit suicide again.  He said that people have complained that the nets would take away from the aesthetic value of the bridge.  He also said that that particular notion made him sick.  I concur.  He also said there should be no stigma when it comes to mental illness.  I agree 100%.  No one judges anyone for taking their high-blood-pressure medication; no one should judge anyone for taking their antidepressants.       
I realize that I have expressed a lot of negativity here.  Every time I did, I was just being honest.  Many times, I've felt that life sucks.  Many times, I have wished that I had never been born.  "Many times I've been alone, and many times I cried (The Beatles)."  But, please understand, I hate suicide.  Suicide is a monster.  It kills people every day.  As many issues as I have had, and continue to have, with life, I don't want to kill myself.  It is so f*cking ugly.  It's the mind killing the body.  The body doesn't want to die.  It struggles at the end of a noose and it tries as hard as it can to not drown, for instance.
So suicide, for me, isn't a real option.  I might not be able to do it anyway.  I have to try to make my life better.  I also have to try to make the lives of animals better.  Animals have provided me with a reason to live.  I want to help them, because they need it so desperately.     

Let's Go to the Beach!

The kiss

Bumpkin, her sisters (Lucinda and Sloopy), and I were enjoying a quiet morning in our apartment.  We were watching TV, and we were looking at a beach.  Neither of the sisters had ever seen such a thing. 
"Yo, dummy," said Bumpkin.
"Yes, ma'am," I replied.
"Is there anything like that around here?"
"Sure.  The ocean isn't very close, but we live near Lake Ontario."
"Is there a beach there?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good, we're going," declared Bumpkin.  Sloopy and Lucinda squealed with delight.
"Great idea, Mistress Bumpkin," I said.  I'll pack lunch and other things we might need: like sunscreen."
"What is sunscreen?" asked Bumpkin.
"Well, it's not something you, Sloopy, and Lucinda need to worry about, because your skin is covered with fur, which protects you from the sun's harmful rays.  But people, like me, really need to put it on, so, hopefully, we won't get skin cancer."
"Whatever.  Hurry up.  We're all ready to go," said Bumpkin.
"Yes, ma'am."  I got off my duff and got busy.  I packed a nice lunch for all of us and I didn't forget the sunscreen.  Then I took off my pajamas so I could change into my swimsuit.  While I was completely naked, the door to the bathroom opened.  Bumpkin, Lucinda, and Sloopy were all staring at  my nude body.  Then they all began to laugh hysterically.
Bumpkin briefly stopped laughing long enough to ask, "What the heck is that thing dangling between your legs?"
"First of all, Bumpkin, it's not nice to open the bathroom door, without knocking first, when someone is in there.  And that 'thing' is called a penis."
They all laughed harder now.  Sloopy and Lucinda were rolling around on the floor.
"First of all, dummy, I do whatever I want, whenever I want to, and if you  have a problem with that, I'll hit your little penis with a fireball," replied Bumpkin, which led to more laughter.  Tears of joy were streaming down the faces of Sloopy and Lucinda.
"Yes, ma'am."
"It is so ugly," said Bumpkin.
"Even though it is a part of me, I simply must agree with you.  I think penises are ugly too."
"What the heck do you do with that thing?" asked Bumpkin.
"Well, I use it to go pee pee, and it also can be used to make babies."
"How?  How does that thing make babies?"
I sighed heavily.  "I'll tell you on the way to the beach, okay?"  Holy cow.  I don't have any kids, so I never thought I'd have to explain to anyone where babies come from.  I certainly never fathomed that I'd need to explain it to a groundhog.  I never signed up for that: no, sir.

TO BE CONTINUED...