Please Treat Animals Well

Now that's a horse that I would ride.

I was walking near a Wal-Mart.  I noticed a young man addressing a seagull in an impolite way.  If he had taken action against the seagull, I would like to think I would have intervened.  I would have told him to leave the seagull alone.  Or what?  He might have asked.  Or I'll knock your teeth down your throat.  He probably would have been shocked.  He likely would not have believed that a skinny, short, "old" guy would confront him like that.  But no, he just gave a disdainful look to the seagull and walked on. 
I often get offended while watching TV.  While channel surfing today, I came across a hunting program, which, of course, make me sick.  This hunter picked up a dead duck, and said to his buddy, "It landed right at my feet.  It literally hit me in the knee on the way down."  Predictably, his idiot buddy laughed.  I changed the channel in disgust. 
Duck Dynasty, I hear, is an extremely popular TV show.  I don't have cable; I've never seen it.  From what I've read, it's about hillbillies that have gotten rich by helping people kill ducks.  I'm rooting for the ducks: not the hillbillies.  I don't care how long their beards are.  If I was given power of life and death, and was forced to choose who would die, either a duck or one of the Duck Dynasty hillbillies, I would spare the lives of the ducks every time.  I don't care how long their beards are, every single duck in the world is cuter than they are.  F___ those Duck Dynasty ass_____. 
Trust me, it always feels good to treat animals well.  I don't know if I believe in karma, but I do at least sometimes.  If you're going around and dealing out death and violence, then maybe you should expect some to come back in your direction.  Don't you think things would work out better for you if you tried to be good instead of evil?
If you love all the animals, and live your life that way everyday, then I love you.  But it's not enough.  People like us need to try to change the hearts and minds of those who eat meat and don't care about animals beyond their pets.  The animals literally don't have a voice; we must speak up for them.       

Bumpkin 2: The Wrath of Bumpkin

So little, so cute, so deadly

Bumpkin is still causing mayhem around these parts.  For the second time, that I know of, she has fired a large and powerful fireball from one of her paws that has destroyed something.  In this case, it was a car.  The car exploded and went up like a tinderbox.  By the time the firemen put it out, the car was a total loss.  You couldn't even tell what make or model it was.  Again, the police came.  Naturally they'll want to investigate the cause of the blast.  Once again, I told them that Bumpkin the groundhog was responsible for the destruction, but I don't think they believe me.  I realize they probably think I have a screw loose in my head or something, but they'll see.  Once she takes the city, she'll seize the county, then the minds and wills of all human beings living within the great state of New York: the Empire State.  Though soon to be renamed "New Bumpkin: the Bumpkin State."  She already has every soul in my apartment complex, including mine, under her powerful spell.  She simply does not have to spend much time grazing anymore.  She has a battalion of brain-controlled zombies to do her bidding.  Whenever I hear her voice in my head, giving me a command, I follow it to the letter.  Most of the time, she's ordering me to pick grass, dandelions, and other sorts of weeds for her, her sisters, and her mother to consume as an in-hole snack.  Groundhogs eat weeds.  Let the groundhogs be free to do what they want, and they will eat weeds and keep the grass from getting too long.

Bumpkin used to be content to frolic in the grass with her mother and sisters, but now it seems like nothing will be able to quench her thirst for power.  I really think she intends to rule the world eventually.  With each and every giant fireball fired from a cute young groundhog paw, she gets more powerful and closer to her goal of total and complete domination of all the humans on the face of the planet.