Under Our Skin

I just saw a great documentary called Under Our Skin, which is about Lyme disease.  I watched some of the extra features, and the director mentioned that people have called the movie a real-life horror film, which is what I was thinking.  It is very scary.  Lyme disease is very easy to get.  All it takes is getting bit by an infected tick.   Once you have it, you're probably in for a nightmare.  When you have Lyme disease, your body is being attacked from the inside by an aggressive, and destructive, bacteria.  The pain can be horrible.  You might have seizures.  It can affect your nervous system.  You might not be able to function nearly as well as you used to.  It can take over your life for the worse.
There is no cure for Lyme disease, and there is a major controversy surrounding it.  A small group of doctors came out with a report on Lyme disease.  Many people disagree with the findings in the report.  The report said there is no such thing as chronic Lyme disease, which seems to be absolutely false.  It also said that Lyme disease shouldn't be treated long-term, which is another thing that many people disagree with.  It is alleged that about half of the doctors who contributed to the report had a conflict of interest, because they stood to benefit financially from the results.  This report is also an excuse for insurance companies to refuse to cover long-term Lyme disease treatment, which many say is absolutely necessary.  What's even worse is that doctors who treat Lyme disease effectively (They are really helping people.) are being prosecuted.  These doctors' licenses are being suspended, and an insurance company sued a doctor for $100,000,000.  So if a doctor really wants to help a Lyme disease victim, he or she risks losing their license and/or being ruined financially.  Once again, in America, money matters more than anything: animals, people, everything. 
I remember, when I was a kid, a tick was found on my leg.  It had embedded itself into my flesh.  I cried as my stepfather used a knife to cut the tick out of my skin.
Another thing that pissed me off was this particular woman featured in the movie.  She had Lyme disease, but that didn't stop her from procreating.  She said that she had 4 or 5 miscarriages; at least one of them was confirmed to have died from Lyme disease!  I believe the baby was 18 months old when he or she died.  Eighteen months of pain!  This stupid, cruel, selfish bitch should be prosecuted for the murder of multiple children!  Even though she killed all those babies by passing her Lyme disease on to them, that didn't stop her from having another kid: unbelievably cruel!  It was so sad and infuriating to see her playing with her little boy, because she mentioned that he tested positive for Lyme disease!  She said that he's fine, and she hopes he'll continue to be.  What a piece of shit!  This is all part of why I've railed against biological parents so much.  I'm gonna consciously pass this horrible disease on to my little boy, and HOPE he'll be okay!  Fuck you!  Her fucking uterus should be removed.  She's a kid killer!          

Things I've Heard

Life sucks.
Life is hard.
Life's a bitch.
Life is pain.
Nobody ever said life is fair.
Stop the world; I want to get off!
"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." (Friedrich Nietzsche)
Growing old ain't for sissies. (The horrible implication is obvious.  Getting old means more pain, weakness, vulnerability, deterioration of the body and mind, less independence, possibly being put in a "home."  I went with my ex-girlfriend to the hospital where her mother was spending her last days.  It was horrible: a nightmare.  Frail, desperately lonely elderly people waiting for death.  Impending death was in the air; it was palpable: a horrifying experience.  I had to leave before she did: waiting for her outside in nature: glorious nature, I needed it's natural antidepressant qualities quite badly after that.  This is how life ends for many.  Let that be a grim warning to all you parents out there.  It makes sense that, the shittier the parent, the less your kids are going to want to help you when you need it so badly in your old age.)
"It's the terror of knowing what the world is about, watching some good friends screaming, 'Let me out'" (from "Under Pressure" by David Bowie and Freddy Mercury)
"I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.  That's the two categories.  The horrible are like terminal cases and blind people, crippled, I don't know how they get through life.  It's amazing to me.  And the miserable is everyone else." (from Annie Hall by Woody Allen)

If these things are known and true, and they are, then why bring others into the world to suffer?
 

Arrested

I used to be able to say that I've never been arrested: not any more.  I am a memoirist, so, for now, I'm thinking I'll save the full story for another one of my seldom-read eBooks.  Suffice it to say that I'm at the lowest point in my life so far, and that's saying something. 
I've been dealing with the aftermath: court appearances, appointments with lawyers, and asking my job to let me go to these things.  I have a long road of pain-in-the-ass shit ahead.
Also, this has been a very shitty weekend as far as my asshole neighbor fucking with me goes. 
I'm thinking I don't care about my life anymore.  Because of the depression I have, I've thought that the further I slide to the bottom, the better.  I'd rather be dead than alive.  I'm only alive because I'm a coward: too scared to commit suicide.  Life is a nightmare.  It really is.  And when I read stuff written by intelligent people, they back me up on this.  It really is insane that people procreate they way they do and continue this cycle of misery, pain, and suffering.  But I'm just repeating myself. 
Fuck life in society on this planet.  Life is shit (in society) on this planet.  I'd throw it all away and be homeless in the wilderness if I wasn't addicted to toilet paper and showers.  Fuck you society, for getting me addicted to toilet paper and showers: the only good things you came up with.

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

The Smiths

Haven't blogged in a while.  There's at least two reasons for that.   First of all, I'm a complete mess, and, secondly, I have a job.  I got a job working for a major home-improvement chain store.  I'm still facing major credit card debt.  I might have to file for bankruptcy if I can't get a loan to pay off these credit cards.  But this job is difficult to tolerate.  To do what I'm doing, full-time, is a bit of a nightmare, but, as I and others have mentioned before, life itself is pretty much a nightmare.  I really have to tough it out to make it through the day.  To me, work has become an endurance challenge.  It's driving me crazier than I already am.

Here's a new section on the Bald Vegan!  It's called "thoughts."  I hope you like it!

I"m sure that life sucks.  Sometimes, when I'm in the midst of a deep depression, I remind myself that I can commit suicide anytime I want to, and it cheers me up a little.

I don't' believe in heaven, but I believe in hell, and this it it.  This planet has a history of violence that is staggering in its scope.

I'm jealous of the dead.

After death, even soft, healthy skin will rot.

That's thoughts for this week.  I'll end with a poem for a poet.

Who am I?
How do others see me?
How do I see myself?
What do others think of me?
Is that really me in the mirror?
Do I exist?
Will anyone miss me when I'm gone?

Life Is...

 
Life is...

a nightmare

pain

hard

torture

violent

brutal

unforgiving

relentless

ruthless

merciless

shit

cruel

sometimes boring

annoying

frustrating

intimidating

suffocating

ugly

sometimes beautiful (which can be hard to appreciate when you're miserable)

occasionally okay

ultimately horrible

A letter written by a pig to humans.

This is how we want to live.

This is how many of us are forced to live, because people eat our dead bodies..

Please, please, please stop confining us cruelly and killing us.  Life is hard enough in this world.  Why are you making it a nightmare for most of us?  There are people out there who say we're at least as smart as dogs.  So why do you kill and eat us and not them (for the most part)?  Just like you, we want to be happy.  We want to be free.  We want to be with our young uns.
I live in a tiny stall.  It is just barely big enough to contain my body.   It is metal, and the floor is hard.  I have no soft bed to sleep in.  I don't even have enough room to turn around.  I can't walk anywhere.  This is my life 24 hours a day/7 days a week.  How would you like to live like that?  The first time they put me into this stall, I couldn't believe it!  How could they expect me to live like this?  When they went away, and I realized I would be stuck here, I panicked.  I tried to get out of here.  All I could do was throw my body against the walls: trying to free myself.  I did it for hours.  I exhausted myself completely.  I realized that, no matter what I did, I would not be able to free myself.  That's when I gave up, lied down, and began to cry.  This is my life.  I'm forced to stay in this stall, and I never get to leave it.  From what I've heard, I'll only get to leave this stall when it's time for me to be murdered, so people can eat bacon, ham, and pork chops.
I've heard about pigs that are so lucky.  They are people's pets.  People love them and treat them like many people treat dogs and cats.  I've heard about pigs that push soccer balls around, then put them back into their toy boxes when they're done.
Please stop eating meat.  You don't need to.  It's so much healthier to eat fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds, beans, and whole grains.  It's much less cruel to do so as well.