Cowards

I'd always gotten the asshole vibe from this regular customer at work. He'd made fun of me before, & I'm sick of seeing his ugly face. I work as a lumber cashier at Lowe's, & I see some customers everyday or nearly everyday: frequently multiple times a day. It sucks. This guy is 1 of those customers.
When this guy is there by himself, there aren't problems. But when he has an audience, watch out. He's been there with his kid(s), & asked me, "Are you having fun?" & I've said, no, & he's laughed, which might not sound so bad (Certainly, trust me, it's boring & typical.), but context is everything sometimes. I'm real; that's how I am. If I'm miserable, I have neither the energy nor the inclination to act happy. & I'm frequently miserable at work for good reason; my job sucks.
Lately, this asshole has been coming into Lowe's with a young guy: a teen. So they come to my register. While I'm doing my job, the asshole asks me, "Do you like your job?" He's such an asshole, I was expecting him to laugh when I said, "no," but he didn't. "What's your passion?" he asked. As I mentioned, I'd gotten the asshole vibe from him before, so I didn't answer. he said, "not this?" I said, "no." The teen said, "Are you certified in anything?" "No," I said. "He don't give a fuck about you," the asshole said. "He's angry," 1 of them said as they were leaving. It was humiliating. They ganged up on me. If you don't see it, you had to be there.
I'm such an easy target. I stand there, they approach me, & I have to deal with them. Realistically, to be a cashier at my age means I'm a loser. & that's how they treated me. & people are so shitty, they don't care WHY you're a loser, just that you ARE 1, & therefore, it's OK to treat you like 1. Maybe I'm a loser because I'm the result of a teen pregnancy, my father left when I was 2, my mother has always been cold, selfish, lazy, uncaring, stupid, etc, & I was molested by a family member (the short version).
So that in itself sucked, but it wasn't over. That occurred at the "front end" of the store, where the main exit is. Then, as usual, I moved to the lumber register to relieve the woman who starts there at 6:00 am. So they returned. Fucking great, I thought. Even though he's well into adulthood, I saw the asshole jump onto a cart & ride it a bit.
So they approached me again. The asshole said, "hi." I was still pissed at them, so I said nothing. He laughed & so did the teen. Then he asked, condescendingly, "which register do you like better: this or the other 1?" Again, I said nothing, & again they laughed at me. I'd had enough.
"I don't appreciate you hassling me while I'm trying to pay my bills & keep a roof over my head!" I said very angrily to the asshole. I had bagged his purchases & tossed them hard onto the counter, which may have hit him a little bit, & there was hard stuff in that bag. He looked shocked; I didn't care; I was furious.
"You got it wrong," he said. "I was trying to be nice." "You laughed at me!" I replied. He said, "Yeah, but- (don't recall the rest)."
Then he called me a prick. Obviously, you can get fired for cursing out a customer, so I said, "You are!" The whole time, the teen is smirking at me: so fucking disrespectful & shitty. Then the teen bought an energy drink. I virtually always hand the change to the customers: not this time. I definitively put his change & receipt on the counter; our hands touched a little. I did not thank them for their purchases; again, I virtually always do that. The teen continued to smirk, as he said, "Have a nice day" (sarcastically) to me.
As they were leaving, the asshole loudly said, "What a fucking asshole!" or something like that, which was obviously meant for me. The teen laughed.
For quite a while, hours, afterward, I felt sick: possibly the result of an adrenaline dump. I also had, & still do, some fear. What if they come back to beat the shit out of me? I spend a lot of time alone over there: especially at night. What if 1 or both of them know Karate, etc.?
That's why I titled this "Cowards," because that's what people who fuck with other people while they're working are. It's not fair. He can call me a prick, an asshole, but I can't unless I don't mind getting fired, which doesn't seem so fucking bad, & hasn't for a while now.
Now I can "look forward" to dealing with them again (& again & again).

Fuck You, Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unbelievable!  I had my next post all set to go, and then I got an email from my cunt of a mother, who wrote, "I'm disappointed that you didn't send me a b'day card or email."  She is such a stupid piece of shit!  I've told her before that I hate life, and I wish I'd never been born.  She knows I have depression and that I've attempted suicide.  She knows I was molested, as a kid, by her uncle, while she was sleeping soundly under the same roof, because she obviously failed to protect me.  I wanted to go off on her!  I still do.  I'm so distracted right now.  I don't want her in my life.  She keeps trying to put herself there.
Anyway, I first decided to not respond, but I changed my mind.  This is the email I sent to her; "I'm disappointed that you brought me into this world to suffer.  I hate life.  I wish I had never been born.  Bringing someone into this world to suffer is much, much, much, much, much, much worse than not sending a card."  I could have put A LOT more muches in there, but I'm not willing to waste too much time on the bitch.
This is what I'd like to say (or email) to her: "Fuck you, you stupid piece of shit!  Fuck your birthday!  I curse the day you were born!  I wish you had never been born; then I wouldn't have been born, and I could have avoided a ton of pain and suffering.  By the way, as I'm writing this, my back hurts; I have pain in my feet and back every fucking day.  My ears are always ringing, which is a nightmare: a sound that follows me everywhere.  I have depression and OCD, and they're not being treated, because I lost Medicaid, because my low-paying job, which I hate, pays me too much for Medicaid, but not enough for health insurance (if I want to save money for retirement).  I'm obsessed with my neighbors, who bother me on a daily basis.  Should I send a letter to the office, that's already written, complaining about them?  What if my neighbors "punish" me for doing that?  What if they are replaced by worse neighbors?  Should I go with the devil I know, or the devil I don't know?  I could complain about all the shit I have to endure, all the shitty things about life, at length, but I've done a lot of that already.
I'd like to send this too; "Fuck you!  You don't deserve anything from me except for a punch in the face!  You've been a shitty parent.  You got knocked up, unplanned, of course, as a teen.  You're stupid and ignorant as fuck now.  How stupid and ignorant were you while you were raising me, by yourself, in your early twenties, when I was a young boy?  You're lazy, selfish, cheap, cold, and uncaring.  You never should have become a parent!  When I was a kid, you blamed me for being born!  How fucking stupid and inappropriate is that?"  As much as I'd like to send something like that, I don't want her to save it and use it against me.  By the way, this is all true.  She hasn't taught me a goddamn thing.  Me, and people like me, are forced to compete with people whose parents are constantly helping them get through life.
Also in her email, she suggested that I could buy antidepressants with the $250 that she gave to me fairly recently, which, for the record, I did not ask for ( I think it was an attempt to get me to contact her, and I did thank her for the money.).  She is so fucking ignorant!  She can't be bothered to put in 2 seconds of research about what her son is going through.  What am I supposed to do, take $250 worth of antidepressants (about 2 months' worth) and then stop?  What fucking psychiatrist would recommend doing something as stupid as that?  None of them!  It reminds me of when I was staying with her.  I was mowing her lawn for her fat ass.  I stepped on a rusty nail, because the piece of lazy shit had boards with rusty nails on her lawn (You should see the inside of her house!  What a fucking slob!).  I was worried.  She wasn't.  She didn't lift a finger to help me.  She just waddled her fat ass to the library as usual.  Why make a sacrifice for your son?
I've thought of sending this email to her before, and maybe I will someday; "As long as I hate life, and I do, then it makes sense that I will hate those who gave me life.  And if you're too stupid to figure that out, and you probably are, then get someone to help you."    

Don't Bring Them Into This World

If you don't want your children to be bullied, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be perturbed, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be frustrated, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be insulted, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be humiliated, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be harassed, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be beaten, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be injured, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to live with disabilities, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to live with autism, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to live with severe peanut allergies, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be kidnapped, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be molested, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of a stalker, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be raped, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be suffocated, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be strangled, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be shot, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be stabbed, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to drown, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be murdered, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be tortured, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to become paralyzed from the waist or neck down, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to lose one or more body parts, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be casualties of war, don't bring them into this world
If you don't want your children to be victims of terrorism, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of genocide, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of a car accident, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of a tsunami, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of an earthquake, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of a hurricane, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of a flood, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of a tornado, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of a fire, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to get struck by lightning, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of an avalanche, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of a volcano eruption, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of a landslide, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of rockslide, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of a mudslide, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of a sinkhole, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be victims of an infrastructure failure (sudden bridge collapse), don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to get cancer, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to feel pain, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to suffer, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be miserable, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to have to deal with shitty, selfish neighbors, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be overwhelmed with all the shit, as people living in society, they have to remember, think about, and do, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to suffer from loneliness, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to suffer from desperation, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to spend much of their lives working at jobs they hate, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to eventually be too tired to work, which, of course, would compromise their ability to put food on the table and keep a roof over their heads, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be discriminated against, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be hated, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be fired, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be unemployed, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to live in poverty, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be homeless, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to envy the talent and success of others, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to feel as though others are rubbing their success and money in their faces, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to feel as though you're a loser, because you're not successful, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to live in fear, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be looked down upon, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to have to deal with shit, both figurative and literal, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be depressed, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be depressed, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to become alcoholics, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to become drug addicts, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to become insane, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be arrested, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to go to prison, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to be convicted, incarcerated, and executed for a crime they didn't commit, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to pray for death, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to hate you for bringing them into this world, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to commit suicide, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to experience the deterioration of their minds and bodies as a result of aging, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to deal with the deaths of friends and loved ones, don't bring them into this world.
If you don't want your children to die alone, don't bring them into this world.

If you want to keep your children safe, don't bring them into this world.