Discouraged

When it comes to being creative, I continue to be more active on Twitter than anywhere else, & my account is here: https://twitter.com/TheBaldVegan
My last book continues to be an absolute failure.  No one has bought it.  I'm considering changing the title.  Obviously, I have nothing to lose.  It is here on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Farts-Literature-featuring-Bald-D-Bag-ebook/dp/B074MCFPVD/ref=sr_1_2?s=digita I haven't been working on my next book.  Considering the lack of interest in this one, it seems like a waste of time.
I've been taking Lexapro (an antidepressant) for almost a month now.  I still think that life sucks.  I still wish I'd never been born.  I still think it's selfish and cruel to bring people or animals into this world to suffer, as all sentient beings do.  So it's not working any miracles.  It makes me more wired, more irritable.  It has definitely affected my sleep negatively.  I tend to get up very early, no matter what time I went to bed, and then I can't get back to sleep.
Antidepressants won't cure everything.  As long as lots of animals are suffering to the degree that they are, I will be depressed by it.  Antidepressants won't get me out of my dead-end "career."  I am an "unskilled' worker.  The thought of going back to school to improve my work situation is a daunting one.  We're guaranteed nothing in this dog-eat-dog world.  I could spend a lot of money and time training for a certain job, and then not get hired for it.  I still have to shit, piss, and blow my nose frequently, all of which I hate.  And there's all the other boring, annoying, soul-destroying things that need to be done everyday: like brushing teeth.  I still hate to drive; it's so stressful.  I have to share the road with tons of stupid, careless people, who could ruin my life (even worse than it already is) in a heartbeat by causing me to get into an accident.
So I'm still very much discouraged when it comes to life.  I have very little hope.  I had great hopes for my book that no one has bought.  I still believe in it; I think it's funny.  But, as I've mentioned before, I'm just one of billions of human ants, desperately trying to be heard, and, as always, failing.     

 

Mind Alive

 
My mind is alive today.  I spent yesterday with my closest human friend (My friends consist of dogs, cats, and squirrels as well.).  He is a biological parent.  I finally told him my true feelings about biological parenthood.  I think it is "messed-up" (edited) for people to bring other people, and animals, into this brutal world.  This resulted in a spirited discussion.  My friend, who I'll call Herb, is an intense debater.  If he disagrees with something I said, he'll tell me.  He disagreed with the statement I made.  He said that he thinks "virtually everyone" is happy.  Now I disagree with that statement vehemently.  Just take a look at the suicide rate.  Suicide is consistently a leading cause of death worldwide.  Forgive me if you're aware I've written this here before, but it's only one sentence, and I think it bears repeating.  The American media, by and large, does not report suicides (with the obvious exceptions of stars like Kurt Cobain and Robin Williams), because the CDC has asked them not to.  Why?  Because when the media reports suicides, it leads to more (copycat) suicides. 
Forgive me, I believe I'm currently experiencing hypomania, which has been redlined here (and "redlined" too, but I'll use it anyway), but The New York Times uses this word, and if it's good enough for them, it's good enough for me.  I'm irritable.  I think it's becasue I smoked with Herb yesterday.  According to him, he and "virtually" everyone else are happy as clams (Which is a good one.  Do you think clams are happy?  I don't.), but, as he himself has admitted, he self medicates.
When I told Herb how I feel, and he disagreed, and I admitted my philosophies are based on my own experiences, his response was predictable: "Boo-freaking-hoo. (edited)"  I'm a cry baby.  I'm a whiner.  I'm not afraid to be called a whiner.  I used to be a whiner, then I realized that nobody gave a damn, because everyone has their own problems to deal with.  So I stopped being a whiner.  But I recently thought that "Don't be a whiner." is just a way for the insanity to continue.   "I'm miserable, my life isn't going the way I want it to, but I won't whine about it.  Then I'll bring one or more people into the world, and if they're miserable, I'll tell them to stop whining."  And the vicious cycle continues.
Herb also said that people aren't gonna wanna hang out with someone who thinks that life sucks.  That's understandable, but it's more important to me to be REAL.