Fuck You, Mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unbelievable!  I had my next post all set to go, and then I got an email from my cunt of a mother, who wrote, "I'm disappointed that you didn't send me a b'day card or email."  She is such a stupid piece of shit!  I've told her before that I hate life, and I wish I'd never been born.  She knows I have depression and that I've attempted suicide.  She knows I was molested, as a kid, by her uncle, while she was sleeping soundly under the same roof, because she obviously failed to protect me.  I wanted to go off on her!  I still do.  I'm so distracted right now.  I don't want her in my life.  She keeps trying to put herself there.
Anyway, I first decided to not respond, but I changed my mind.  This is the email I sent to her; "I'm disappointed that you brought me into this world to suffer.  I hate life.  I wish I had never been born.  Bringing someone into this world to suffer is much, much, much, much, much, much worse than not sending a card."  I could have put A LOT more muches in there, but I'm not willing to waste too much time on the bitch.
This is what I'd like to say (or email) to her: "Fuck you, you stupid piece of shit!  Fuck your birthday!  I curse the day you were born!  I wish you had never been born; then I wouldn't have been born, and I could have avoided a ton of pain and suffering.  By the way, as I'm writing this, my back hurts; I have pain in my feet and back every fucking day.  My ears are always ringing, which is a nightmare: a sound that follows me everywhere.  I have depression and OCD, and they're not being treated, because I lost Medicaid, because my low-paying job, which I hate, pays me too much for Medicaid, but not enough for health insurance (if I want to save money for retirement).  I'm obsessed with my neighbors, who bother me on a daily basis.  Should I send a letter to the office, that's already written, complaining about them?  What if my neighbors "punish" me for doing that?  What if they are replaced by worse neighbors?  Should I go with the devil I know, or the devil I don't know?  I could complain about all the shit I have to endure, all the shitty things about life, at length, but I've done a lot of that already.
I'd like to send this too; "Fuck you!  You don't deserve anything from me except for a punch in the face!  You've been a shitty parent.  You got knocked up, unplanned, of course, as a teen.  You're stupid and ignorant as fuck now.  How stupid and ignorant were you while you were raising me, by yourself, in your early twenties, when I was a young boy?  You're lazy, selfish, cheap, cold, and uncaring.  You never should have become a parent!  When I was a kid, you blamed me for being born!  How fucking stupid and inappropriate is that?"  As much as I'd like to send something like that, I don't want her to save it and use it against me.  By the way, this is all true.  She hasn't taught me a goddamn thing.  Me, and people like me, are forced to compete with people whose parents are constantly helping them get through life.
Also in her email, she suggested that I could buy antidepressants with the $250 that she gave to me fairly recently, which, for the record, I did not ask for ( I think it was an attempt to get me to contact her, and I did thank her for the money.).  She is so fucking ignorant!  She can't be bothered to put in 2 seconds of research about what her son is going through.  What am I supposed to do, take $250 worth of antidepressants (about 2 months' worth) and then stop?  What fucking psychiatrist would recommend doing something as stupid as that?  None of them!  It reminds me of when I was staying with her.  I was mowing her lawn for her fat ass.  I stepped on a rusty nail, because the piece of lazy shit had boards with rusty nails on her lawn (You should see the inside of her house!  What a fucking slob!).  I was worried.  She wasn't.  She didn't lift a finger to help me.  She just waddled her fat ass to the library as usual.  Why make a sacrifice for your son?
I've thought of sending this email to her before, and maybe I will someday; "As long as I hate life, and I do, then it makes sense that I will hate those who gave me life.  And if you're too stupid to figure that out, and you probably are, then get someone to help you."    

Never Give Up

sisters

Last week, I was disappointed with myself.  I'm less so now.  That was a strange incident.  I'm ready for it now.
Recently, a loud group of kids saw a groundhog or two.  They saw him and/or her go into the hole that's right next to the building I live in.  They began to have a discussion about what they should do.  One of them suggested trying to chase them.
The oldest girl in the group made me proud.  She said, "How would you like to be chased?"  It gave me hope for the future.
Then one of the other kids said, "I'd love it; I love to play tag."  They're not "playing tag," kid.  They''re terrified and running for their lives.  One of them threw something, like a rock, down the hole.  That was my cue.
"Leave them alone," I said out my bedroom window.  They looked up at me.  They seemed to be startled.  They ran away.  I did not yell.  I did not have a mean tone in my voice.  Regardless, they stopped terrifying defenseless animals.
I'm not the only person around here who loves groundhogs.  I heard something, so I looked out the window.  Two maintenance workers were driving around on a golf cart (They don't walk anywhere.).  One of the guys was saying, "Look at them!" Then he said it again.  He was referring to two baby groundhogs who were running for cover.  To my eyes, he looked like a cool, possibly tough, young guy.  But I heard his voice raise when he told his coworker to look at the groundhogs.  I believe he was delighted by the sight of the baby groundhogs.
Then, when I went downtown, I saw groundhogs grazing there.  They were doing it in an area where people were all over the place.  There was a workplace on one side and plenty of downtown traffic on the other.  They didn't have a lot of room to themselves.  Not surprisingly, they didn't seem to be as afraid of people as the suburban groundhogs that I'm used to.  Two guys looked at them and began speaking to each other in Spanish.  I kept an eye on them, but it seemed like they were just looking.  Groundhogs are a North American beastie.  Not everyone is as fortunate as I am to see them every day: except for winter.