Don't Kill Yourself

There's so much to live for.

Please don't kill yourself.  Life is hard.  It kicks the crap out of many of us.  But there's always something to live for.  For instance, I have at least 2 reasons to live.  I love animals, and I want to help those that need it.  I want to convince people to stop eating meat, eggs, and dairy.  They'd all be better off if they replaced those foods with fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, and beans.  My other reason to live is to convince people to, if they want to be parents, adopt instead of bringing another person into this overcrowded (with humans) world. 
Suicide has been a major cause of death for humans for a while now.  The media usually doesn't report it, becasue the CDC has asked them not to.  When the media reports suicides, copycat suicides usually ensue.  If you think it's not a major threat, then Google it.  Once you start reading about suicide, you're liable to be blown away by some of the information out there.  What I can remember the most is reading that every year, since 1999, the number of suicides has increased in the USA.  I also read an article about NJ Transit.  New Jersey Transit is a huge transportation network.  It connects New Jersey to New York City and Philadelphia.  The article I read mentioned how NJ Transit has been putting up signs at their train stations.  These signs give people info about suicide hotlines and such.  They felt the need to put these signs up because an alarming number of people have been committing suicide in front of their trains.
I've attempted to kill myself.  That was when I realized I needed help.  That's when I went to a psychiatrist for the first time.  I've received quite a bit of therapy.  I take Prozac.  Recently, I've been eliminating processed foods and refined sugars from my diet, which has helped very much.  
If you are depressed, do something about it.  Take it seriously.  There are people out there who would love to help you.  Suicide is ugly and unnatural.  You should love your body and treat it well.  It's the only thing that is really ours.  Don't kill your body.  If you have nothing to live for, find something.  I don't have many friends, but I believe I'd greatly upset at least 3 people if I killed myself.  We all might as well make the best of it.  

Loneliness

Bumpkin

I am a natural loner, but it doesn't mean I want to be that way.  Loneliness can feel like being crushed.  Sometimes, we call a friend and wait to hear back from him or her.  If loneliness is crushing you, and you want to talk to your friend, then don't wait for him or her to call back; call again.
Last week, I discussed the dirty dozen of fruits and veggies.  On the flip side, here are the clean 15 (source-PBS).  "All the produce on 'The Clean 15' bore little to no traces of pesticides, and are safe to consume in non-organic form." This list includes:

• onions
• avocados
• sweet corn
• pineapples
• mango
• sweet peas
• asparagus
• kiwi fruit
• cabbage
• eggplant
• cantaloupe
• watermelon
• grapefruit
• sweet potatoes
• sweet onions

Making Your Own Hummus Is a Reason to Live

I love it.

 I'm serious.  I made hummus today.  In addition to standard ingredients like chick peas, olive oil, and salt, I added plum tomatoes, garlic, and hot sauce.  It is red, and it is very good.  Why would anyone kill themselves when they can make any kind of hummus they want?  It just doesn't make sense.  These are some of the ingredients I plan to use in hummuses of the future: spinach, kale, parsley (Yes, the next batch might be green.), onion, leeks, mushrooms, and spicy peppers.  And there will be more.  Making a green one with veggies like kale, parsley, and spinach will be key.  I tend to get stuck in ruts.  I'm in one now.  Even though I've been doing well eliminating refined sugar and processed foods from my diet, I've really only consistently been eating carrots, split pea soup, hummus, and corn.  So, technically, pretty much the only veggie I've been eating are carrots.  The hummus is a great opportunity to break out of that rut.  I love hummus.  I know I like it with spinach in it, because I've bought the spinach and artichoke variety of it several times.  I'll just have to make sure to buy organic spinach, because spinach is one of the dirty dozen.
Everyone who cares about their health and that of others should know about the dirty dozen.  They are the fruits and veggies that tend to soak up the most pesticides.  It is recommended that, if you eat any of them, you should only choose organic varieties.  According to PBS' website, this is the dirty dozen:      

• celery
• peaches
• strawberries
• apples
• domestic blueberries
• nectarines
• sweet bell peppers
• spinach, kale and collard greens
• cherries
• potatoes
• imported grapes
• lettuce

Still Going Strong

One of my favorite albums of all time: Heartwork by Carcass

Our minds can be amazing.  It's funny how people can have so much discipline in one area, and next to zero in another.  Many times, I've heard that this or that is "90% mental."  I think there's a lot of truth to that.  If you're mentally motivated to do something, then you will.  If not, then you won't.  The brain commands the body.
I'm surprised, but I'm doing very well eliminating processed foods and refined sugars from my diet.  I said to myself, at first, this is crazy, it's unrealistic, but I'll give it a try.  It helps that I bought a food processor: a ninja.  I've made my own hummus twice now.  It's come out pretty well.  I ate some today with carrot sticks, which is how I always eat it.  I can buy a pound of chick peas for $1.37.  The cheapest I can buy hummus for around here is $3 a pound.  But then I'm limited to 3 flavors.  I can now make any flavor I want.  The last batch I made was garlic.  I don't care if it gives me bad breath.  I can't help thinking I'd be better off with a cat or dog than a girlfriend.  Now I want to add a hot pepper or 2 and make spicy hummus.   
I can't help plugging the book I wrote, so here it is on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HQSO9RO
I haven't seen many squirrels around here lately.  The last time I went to the store, I bought some more whole walnuts for them, which they love.  It's been bitterly cold around here, and I worry about all the animals who live outside wherever it has been very cold. 

Split Pea Soup

Do yourself a favor and make some split pea soup from scratch.  It's very easy and inexpensive: even when you make it with organic celery and carrots, like I do.  Buy a 1-lb package of dried split peas and dump them in a pot.  Put enough water in (It's easy to find out exactly how much online, etc., but I never measure.), and put the burner on high to boil.  Then chop up 3 stalks of celery and 3 carrots while waiting for the water to boil.  Put them in with the peas.  Once they boil, turn them down to a simmer, and put a lid on the pot, and leave it ajar so steam can escape.  Simmer it for at least an hour.  I have never overcooked it, and I have cooked it for 3 or more hours.  After all, you probably want the peas to disintegrate and turn into mush, I know I do.  Anyway, it's cheap, filling, great to eat during winter, and, most importantly, it is comprised of  healthy whole foods.
I can't help thinking about my book, so I can't help blogging about it either.  I think it is good.  Go ahead and buy it for 5 American dollars and read it on Kindle, a smartphone, or tablet.  Here, again, is the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HQSO9RO There's a lot of interesting stuff in the book.  It's funny, entertaining, yet it also deals with the recession and how I've had a hard time since then: as have a lot of people.
I continue to feed whole walnuts to my squirrel neighbors.  At least one of them recognizes me and pretty much chases me.  I believe she sees me as a walnut dispenser, but that's fine with me.  It's great to see a squirrel hopping toward me. 

I Wrote a Book

This is the cover of my book.

I recently published a book called American Loser: A Memoir of Not Even Coming Close to Achieving the American Dream on Amazon.com for Kindle.  Although, according to a link on the page where this e-book is sold, Amazon offers a free app that allows smartphone and tablet users to read Kindle books.  Please check it out.  It only costs 3 dollars American.  If you click on the cover photo, it takes you into the beginning of the book, and a good chunk of it can be read for free.  Here is the link to it  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HQSO9RO  That's American Amazon.  Apparently, it's also available on other countries' Amazon websites. 
I've worked very hard on it, and I think it's worth reading.  I believe it's funny and entertaining.  But it also goes to show that not all middle-aged Americans are successful.  In America, there is a very wide gap between the haves and the have nots.  I have been laid off from jobs a number of times.  Aside from when I've had to move to another city, I haven't quit a job in over 20 years.  It was a horrible soul-stealing job in a dreary machine shop.  I don't know how people can work 40 hours a week, every week, drilling the same hole into the same item over and over again.  Anyway, that happened over 20 years ago.
I certainly need the money.  I'm broke.  I'm going deeper into credit card debt.  It's looking like I'll have to take out a cash advance from one of my credit cards in order to pay next month's rent.
By the way, it's a very good thing that I've been eliminating refined sugars and processed foods from my diet.  I highly recommend everyone eats this way.  I feel much better since I haven't been eating pasta, bread, cake, cookies, etc: both physically and when it comes to my mood.  I really believe this is the way we were meant to eat.  Read books about nutrition written by Dr. Joel Fuhrman.
So please check out the book.  My 2 most important philosophies, that I meditate on every single day, are both stated fully and explained there.  I know that I am a loser in this capitalist American society, but I believe that life, any life, is worth more than all the money in the world.  I believe that animals should be protected from violence by the law as much as people are.  I believe, if you want to be a parent, it makes more sense to adopt someone who's already here that needs a home, as opposed to bringing another person into an overcrowded world.         
  

Poor Cat

It's a cold world for stray cats

She's homeless.  She seems to not trust people; maybe she's been abused.  She's a stray cat who lives around here.  Last night, the temperature here hit a record low of 6 degrees below zero.   I've seen her trotting around in the snow.  I've seen her tracks, and I know she's been around.  It breaks my heart to think of all the stray cats out there.  They have to deal with horrible, sometimes deadly, weather.  There are people out there who would torture and kill them.  Please spay and neuter your pets.  There are so many unwanted dogs and cats.  They're either homeless, or they're languishing in cages at shelters.  If you want to make a commitment to a dog or cat for the rest of your (or their) life, and you're committed to treating the pet well, then please adopt.  Breeders piss me off because they play God and bring dogs into a world in which there are already more than people want.  
My diet is going well.  I've recently gotten into soups big time.  For a while, I considered myself to be the sort of person that doesn't like soup.  Now that I'm trying to not eat any processed foods, I've rethought that position.  I've been eating split pea and lentil soups.  A one-pound bag of them costs a little over a dollar.  I cook it with carrots and celery.  I've really been enjoying it: especially since it's been so cold.  I think of veggie soup as a hot winter salad.  Instead of eating a bunch of cold vegetables, it makes sense to throw them into a soup and heat them up.  I'm not much of a cook, but it's very easy to make, doesn't require much effort at all, and it's done pretty quickly.  It's very filling too.    

Blackfish

The way they should be: free

I love hummus.  I'm eating so much of it, that I think I need to start making my own.  The main ingredients are garbanzo beans, olive oil, and lemon.  Currently, the best price I can buy it for is $3 a pound.  It would be cheaper for me to make it.  I need a food processor.
My new diet is going well.  My favorite thing to eat now is carrot sticks dipped in hummus.  That's why I like hummus so much.  I doubt I'd be eating carrots without it.  I've even dipped cabbage into it.  I don't like many veggies, but when they've been dipped into hummus, it's a different story.  Also, once I start making  my own, I can put very healthy veggies into it like celery and parsley.
I've fed some more whole walnuts to my squirrel neighbors.  I love them.  I really enjoy feeding them completely natural food.
I saw the movie Blackfish.  It was very interesting and disturbing.  SPOILER ALERT!  It certainly reinforced my belief that animals should not be confined in zoos, aquariums, and places like Sea World.  It seems like one of the killer whales at the Orlando, FL Sea World has had a hand in killing 3 people.  Obviously, it's not the whale's fault.  There have been plenty of incidents in which orcas have injured people in captivity, but, apparently, a killer whale has never attacked a human in the wild.  They can swim hundreds of miles a day when they're free, but in places like Sea World, they are confined to small tanks.  Killer whales in captivity have been seen to float in the same position for hours at a time.  They should be free.  But I think that every animal deserves to be free.  Of course, I realize that's pretty much an impossibility.  But I will not participate in anything that takes away animals' freedom.  I'm a vegan, so I don't support the confinement of animals like cows, pigs, chickens, and turkeys.  I wouldn't go to a zoo either.  The last time I went to one, it was very depressing.  I saw a leopard that paced back and forth from the exact same spots over and over again.  The leopard didn't have much room.  I saw a rhino who was behaving very oddly.  It seemed like she was moving in a very obsessive way that likely had something to do with her unnatural confinement.  It's a bunch of crap when people say that the animals are in the zoo for their own protection.  I have an offer for anyone who would say something like that.  Hey, since you believe in confinement for protection, I'll put you in a cage for the rest of your life where you'll be safe.  You'll have no freedom, you'll be a prisoner, but you'll be safe in your cage.      

Thank Godness for Squirrels and Libraries

Cute Dog

Squirrels and Libraries can save your life.  They can make you so happy.
Today, I fed squirrels.  I had some whole walnuts that I had bought for them.  I saw them out there in the freezing rain.  Their job is to look for food, and they do it 7 days a week: every week.  I distributed several walnuts to my squirrel neighbors today.  At least one of them is very smart.  I came out of my building armed with walnuts.  I saw a squirrel foraging on the grass.  I threw it in front of her.  She saw it immediately and chased and seized it.  That made me laugh.  It gave me a lot of pleasure to help that squirrel.  The fire dept. in Holley, which is near Rochester, NY, had an event last year in which they encouraged people to shoot squirrels.  That disgusted me: especially when I heard that animal rights activists showed up to protest and the hunters goaded them with the bodies of the squirrels they killed.  I knew I couldn't go to that event to protest, because I might have had to beat the shit out of someone who killed a squirrel.
Anyway, the squirrel who grabbed the walnut I tossed to her is smart.  Her back was to me when I threw it to her.  It sailed over her shoulder; then she got it.  However, the next time she saw me, she hopped toward me.  She figured out that I threw that walnut to her, even though she didn't see me do it.  Of course I gave her another walnut.  I had about 8 walnuts, and I distributed all of them to my squirrel neighbors.
I've taken out so many books, movies, and music from libraries that I don't know what I would have done without them.  Good entertainment is very important.  It can save your life.  Sometimes you really need to watch a good comedy and laugh.       

Taking the Plunge

Groundhogs are hibernating.

It's time.  Over and over again now I've read, seen, and heard that a diet that contains no alcohol, processed foods, refined sugars, lactose, caffeine, and GMO foods is the way to go for physical, mental, and emotional well being.  I currently have some processed foods in my home.  That's fine.  I will finish them.  I think it's wrong to waste food.  The plan is to not purchase or acquire anymore.  I plan to not buy anymore sugar, coffee, chips, bread, etc.  So what does that leave?  All vegetables, fruits, nuts, seeds, beans, and whole grains.  Although I also plan to do without wheat and gluten.
This decision has been reinforced by what I've been watching lately on PBS.  I usually don't watch these sorts of programs, but I watched 3 self-help/diet shows.  I forget the name of one of the guys, but the other 2 were hosted by Deepak Chopra and Joel Fuhrman.  What all 3 men had in common was they recommended a diet rich in unprocessed, whole foods like veggies, fruits, nuts, seeds, and beans.  I was most impressed by Dr. Fuhrman's presentation.  I plan to read at least one of his books: especially the one that contains a lot of whole foods recipes in it.
I went out for a walk yesterday.  As soon as I left my building, I noticed a squirrel foraging in the snow behind a bush that some sparrows live in (year round).  My neighbors have made a habit of putting food there for the animals.  I suppose that's why the squirrel was foraging there.  They forage on the grass.  What do they do when it's covered with snow?  I went back upstairs and got a whole, still-in-the-shell walnut.  I tossed it behind the bush.  Unfortunately, we got about 5 inches of snow last night.  I hope a squirrel will get that nut.  I don't know anything about nuts freezing.  Even if it did freeze, I can picture a smart squirrel lying on top of it to defrost it.
Also, while out walking yesterday, a man offered to give me a ride in his car.  It was cold out, and it was snowing.  I was very close to home, so there was no chance I would accept his offer.  I said "no thanks."  Almost immediately, I thought, this guy is probably a good Samaritan, but, it's also possible that he's a serial killer.  Even for a full-grown male, like me, getting into a car with someone you don't know could be a fatal mistake.  Crazier things have happened.  Of course, it didn't help that I had just recently watched the movie version of The Lovely Bones, which involves a girl trusting a man that she shouldn't have.      

I Still Love Squirrels

I love all of them.

I've seen so many squirrels in my lifetime, and, in my way, I've loved them all.  I still watch them.  They are not boring to me.  They are cute.
I tried to feed a squirrel that had climbed up a telephone pole.  She was hanging out there, ready to shimmy across the wire to the other side, when I jiggled the bag that held whole walnuts, which, of course, I bought for my squirrel neighbors.  She hesitated.  She seemed to be quite interested in what was going on, but she remained on her lofty perch.  I decided to toss a walnut toward the pole.  I thought she might come down and get it.  She didn't, though.  Instead, she shimmied across the wire toward the east.  I picked up the nut and tossed it onto the grass in front of my windows, hoping I'd see a squirrel get it.  I didn't, though.  The next day, I went out for a job interview, and, when I returned, the nut was gone.  I'm 99.9% sure a squirrel got it, and that's all that matters.
I used to spoil the squirrels around here with whole nuts.  I think either they've forgotten me doing this, or these are some new squirrels on the block.  When I jiggle the nut bag, they don't come hopping towards me like they used to.  On the contrary, the noise seems to scare them away.
Anyway, I had my chance with another squirrel.  She was tens of feet away.  I figured I'd toss the nut in front of her, she'd notice it, then she'd get it.  I threw it badly, though.  Instead of going as far as I wanted it to, it went high.  Give me a break, I was thinking.  Odds are, it would land on the grass.  There's more grass than sidewalk in that area.  Just my luck, it landed on the sidewalk with a loud sound.  The squirrel jumped at the noise, but she recovered quickly.  I think it took at most a second, if not less than one, for her to grab a piece of the nut after it had shattered on the sidewalk.  Then she took off.  She knew she had a rare treat, and she'd better go eat or bury it before another squirrel tried to take it away from her.