Trying

The Golden Gate Bridge: a life taker

Life is so complicated.  Today, as usual, I listened to the radio.  When I heard that a man who attempted to commit suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge was going to be featured on an hour-long talk show, I was all ears.
I've blogged about suicide before.  I have attempted to commit suicide myself.   I wanted to die.  The good news, for me, is that I finally realized I needed help with my depression, and I got some.  I'm still alive.  Where there's life, there's hope.
Over 2,000 people have committed suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge.  I even saw a documentary about this particular subject.  The filmmakers focused their camera on the bridge and got footage of people ending their lives by jumping off of it.  About 30-something (36?) people have survived that particular jump.  The man I listened to today jumped and survived it.  It was a good show.  This survivor of suicide spoke quite well.  He mentioned that there is a plan to put nets under the bridge, so no one will ever be able to use it to commit suicide again.  He said that people have complained that the nets would take away from the aesthetic value of the bridge.  He also said that that particular notion made him sick.  I concur.  He also said there should be no stigma when it comes to mental illness.  I agree 100%.  No one judges anyone for taking their high-blood-pressure medication; no one should judge anyone for taking their antidepressants.       
I realize that I have expressed a lot of negativity here.  Every time I did, I was just being honest.  Many times, I've felt that life sucks.  Many times, I have wished that I had never been born.  "Many times I've been alone, and many times I cried (The Beatles)."  But, please understand, I hate suicide.  Suicide is a monster.  It kills people every day.  As many issues as I have had, and continue to have, with life, I don't want to kill myself.  It is so f*cking ugly.  It's the mind killing the body.  The body doesn't want to die.  It struggles at the end of a noose and it tries as hard as it can to not drown, for instance.
So suicide, for me, isn't a real option.  I might not be able to do it anyway.  I have to try to make my life better.  I also have to try to make the lives of animals better.  Animals have provided me with a reason to live.  I want to help them, because they need it so desperately.