Pets

my ex-girlfriend's dog

I have mentioned the benefits of writing here.  It helps one remember things.  One can thoroughly explore an issue and save that information for posterity.  For instance, while I was drinking and smoking weed, I began, and added, to a document on my computer called "STOP DRINKING AND SMOKING," which listed reasons why I should do that, and now I've been clean and sober since 7/31/16. 
The question of whether to get a pet or not is very complicated for me.  The first thing that comes to mind is they make me happy.  I love all animals, but especially dogs.  I love cats too, but I have had less experience with them.  Some of my happiest memories involve playing ball with my ex-girlfriend's dog.  She loves playing ball so much.  She has so much fun, it's inevitable that whoever's playing with her will have fun too.  I am alone.  I am untouched.  Touching is important.  Companionship is important.  Petting a pet is therapeutic.  Pets can extend your life, because they improve the quality of it.
But there are drawbacks.  I hate the thought of a pet being alone while his or her mom or dad is at work for over 8, 9, etc. hours.  What if a fire started, and the pet couldn't escape?  That would destroy me.  There's also a loss of freedom involved.  My ex-girlfriend adopted a dog, Barney, while we were living together, who became the love of my life.  He's gone now, but I still love him more than anyone, human or animal, I have ever known.  But, whenever I was using my computer, I'd feel guilty, cause I was ignoring him.  I don't think he understood it.  He may have thought, "Why are you staring at that thing when you could be petting me?"  And that's a good question.  However, I feel a need to get on the computer and write.  There are also issues with traveling.  Dogs need to be walked: even when one doesn't feel like it (shitty weather).   
Then there's the vegan question.  I haven't spent money on meat, milk, or eggs since 2002.  Can I have a vegan dog or cat?  Someone tweeted a picture of their 10-year-old vegan dog, and he looked healthy and happy.  I don't want to support the slaughterhouse in any way, shape, or form, even if the food is for a pet. 
I recently mentioned Lyme disease.  Can you really keep ticks off a dog or cat?  If not, they could transfer a Lyme-disease-ridden tick to me.  Of course it would be horrible if the pet got Lyme disease.  Knowing what I do about the disease, I am terrified of it.  Anyone who is at risk should be too.
The added expense is also an issue.  As I've previously mentioned, I don't make a lot of money, and, as a result, I'm frugal.  However, I definitely believe pets are more than worth any money you spend on them.  One of the biggest problems with society is money being more important than life, which is horrible.
Not being able to communicate can be frustrating.  Your pet could be in pain, and you might not know it.  Is my pet suffering or not?  The worry, and the uncertainty, could be frustrating and devastating.
Pets can get on one's nerves (again, usually because of communication issues).  A lot of things get on my nerves.  Adding to that list might not be such a great idea.
I've mentioned my OCD, and issues I have with poop.  This is where I favor cats.  I think they lick their own assholes, which is gross, but at least they have clean assholes.  I think a poopy dog ass would bother me quite a bit.  Would it be fair to a dog to expose him or her to my disorder?
When you get a pet, you are making a commitment to take care of him or her for the rest of his or her life (or your life).  That is what I believe.  That's quite a commitment to make, and I haven't made it before.  My ex-girlfriend adopted Barney against my wishes.  I didn't want to have to walk a dog, and pick up shit, regularly.  Regardless, I never once suggested that she get rid of him.
I hate the fact that people have pets that ever get to go outside; I consider them to be "cute prisoners."  I could go on for quite a while about this, but I certainly disagree with making an animal spend most of his or her time in a tiny space.  I strongly disagree with keeping fish in tanks and birds in cages.  It's just plain cruel to not allow a bird to fly and be free.  Therefore, if I had a cat, I would take him or her outside.  I can picture the looks of contempt people would give me.  "You don't walk a cat," is what they'd likely be thinking.  Fuck them, and fuck being "normal!" 
Of course, life is fragile, and I could die at any time: making my pet an orphan.  My pet could even die of hunger or thirst if he or she wasn't rescued in time.  I could become paralyzed from a car accident, or stroke, and therefore unable to take care of him or her anymore. 
Which brings us to the most important reason why I wouldn't get a pet.  If I had a pet, I believe I would not allow myself to commit suicide.  It wouldn't be fair to him or her.  I need to have the freedom to do that at anytime.  I have no kids, pets, wife, girlfriend, or friends, which means, as far as I'm concerned, I'm good to go.  I'm allowed to kill myself.  I am now back on antidepressants as of a few days now.  But knowing that I can kill myself at anytime, and escape from this hellhole, gives me a certain amount of peace that I don't want to relinquish.