Bumpkin Rises

Bumpkin became the new mayor of the city after slaying the previous one.

Just like she said she would (telepathically), Bumpkin has taken over the city of Rochester, NY.  I even gave her a ride to city hall.  I hope I won't be prosecuted for aiding and abetting, but I couldn't help it.  I have clearly become one of her brain-controlled zombies.  I am completely under her control; there's nothing I can do about it.  I walked with her to my car and opened the door for her.  She hopped in, and we were off.  As far as I know, that was Bumpkin's first car ride, which made it pretty annoying for me.  After all, I'm pretty sure she had never left my (her) apartment complex before.
"What's that?" she asked me telepathically when we passed a Rite Aid store.
"That's a Rite Aid store, Bumpkin."
"What is a Rite Aid store?"
"It's where people go to buy things they want or need."
"What does 'buy' mean?"
Of course she wouldn't know what "buy" means.  Bumpkin doesn't buy; she takes.  She has no money (currently), because she has no use for it (yet).  "People go into a store with money, that they worked for, stole, or was given to them, and they trade money for things."
"What is money?"
"It's made of paper or metal, it has different values, and it is used to trade for things that people want."
"What is work?"
I sighed.
"How dare you be rude to me!  You've seen what I can do.  I can end you whenever I want to.  I can also torture you for eternity."
"I'm sorry, Bumpkin; I really am.  I don't have any kids, so I'm not used to being asked all these sorts of questions."
"You will tell me everything I want to know, and you will not give me any attitude: end of discussion."
"Yes, ma'am."
"What is ma'am?"
"It is what you call a female that you respect."
"That's more like it.  Now, what is work?"
You get the idea.  As soon as I answered another one of her questions, it was immediately followed by another one.  Even though I was afraid of what would happen once we reached city hall, I couldn't wait to get there.  It was the most annoying car ride I'd ever had, even though it was a short trip.  We finally reached our destination.  "This is it, Bumpkin.  This is city hall."
"Good.  Open this thing for me."
"Yes, ma'am.  It's called a door, by the way."
"Whatever.  Just do it."
"Yes, ma'am."  I opened the door for her and she hopped out.  She promptly flung a fireball from her left front paw that demolished the doors of the building.  Guards, who had been stationed at the metal detector, rushed outside the building to see what caused the destruction.  Bumpkin burnt all of them to a crisp.  Then she scampered into the building.  I followed her.  We approached a guy in a suit who had an expression of shock on his face.  "Excuse me," I said to him, "Could you please tell us where the mayor's office is?"  He told us, so we went directly to it.
"Can I help you?" a woman asked us.  I assume she was the mayor's secretary.  Bumpkin roasted her.  I opened the door to the mayor's office for her.  She sauntered in.
"Just what the hell is going on around here?" the mayor asked.  He looked at Bumpkin.  "Hey, there's no rodents allowed in here!"
"This is Bumpkin," I said.  "She's a groundhog, and she's taking over the city."
"Over my dead body!" he said.
"That's her plan," I replied.  Sure enough, she jumped onto his chest and slashed his throat with her left paw.  She nearly decapitated him.  His blood stained my clothes.  I doubt I'll be able to get these stains out.
"Was he the mayor?" she asked me.
"Yes."
"Good."  Just like that, the city was hers.  I wouldn't want to be the county executive or the governor; that's for sure.  They're next.

Bumpkin's Vengeance

It's not a very good idea to bully Bumpkin or her family.

It finally happened.  Bumpkin found out about birds bullying her mother and sisters.  Let's just say it's gotten a lot quieter around here.  The chirping had been out of control.  The birds seemed to be in charge, and they never let any of us forget it.  They chirped all the time: and loudly.
Bumpkin climbed out of the family hole with revenge on her mind.  The birds, like me, have trouble telling the 3 groundhog sisters apart.  Well, 2 of them anyway.  Lucinda continues to pack on the poundage, which distinguishes her from her sisters.  Anyway, it seems like Bumpkin strategically chose when she was going to emerge from her home.  There were many birds in the apartment complex at the time.  She purposefully crawled to an area that contained many black birds, which are the sort that have bullied groundhogs around here.  Sparrows, doves, and robins seem to mind their own business, but those black birds have pecked groundhogs too nastily and too often.  Bumpkin picked a spot and began to munch on weeds and grass.  It didn't take too long for one of those angry black birds to peck her in the butt.  It took even less time for Bumpkin to turn around and decapitate the bird with one casual swipe of a paw.  Then the fireballs took over.  I had seen her hurl fireballs from her paws before, but never so many and never so quickly.  She stood up on her hindquarters and shot fireballs out of both paws like Clint Eastwood used to do with bullets in spaghetti westerns.  Those fireballs came fast and furious.  One black bird exploded into flames.  Another black bird was hit.  After a while, I lost count.  I'm pretty sure she toasted at least 30 of them.  It was chaos.  She hit them on the ground and in the air.  They tried to fly away, and she picked them off one by one.  I hated seeing those birds attack groundhogs, but I didn't enjoy seeing them trying to fly away while engulfed in flames.  What's even scarier is that I didn't see her miss even once.  I think she's been practicing.
Charred black bird bodies were still smoldering when Bumpkin returned to her first victim: the one she beheaded.  She dragged the unfortunate bird to the sidewalk.  I had a feeling I knew what was coming next.  Sure enough, next to her name, she wrote "Sloopy" "Lucinda" and "Mommy" on the sidewalk in bird blood.  As far as who shouldn't be messed with around here, she left no doubt.  How far will she go though?  Sometimes the maintenance workers cut the grass and use weed whackers.  When they do those things, they scare groundhogs away.  A maintenance worker armed with a weed whacker is no match for Bumpkin.  I don't care if they hire Chuck Norris to whack the weeds here.  Chuck Norris is tough; I wouldn't want to fight him.  But what can he do about multiple fireballs coming at him with great speed?

Bullying

Sheila attacking one of her babies.

Cute little animals have been bullied around here, and I don't like it.  Sheila has attacked her own groundhog children at least twice.  She made one of them cry.  I love Sheila; I can't help it.  She's my first groundhog love.  I loved her before I realized she was living in a hole right next to the building I live in.  After it was confirmed that we were neighbors, I loved her even more.  Then she brought her three babies into my life.  I tell myself there's a reason why she's attacked her own young.  She's just trying to toughen them up.  One of them scampered up to her mommy to say "hi," and this led directly to one of the attacks.  Maybe Sheila's trying to teach them that you have to have your guard up when you're out of the family hole; it's a tough world out there.
The birds are the worst.  One day I saw two baby groundhogs near each other; they were both eating grass.  A black bird pecked one of them in the butt.  The poor baby groundhog stopped eating grass abruptly.  She looked surprised.  It seemed like she was too scared to turn around to see what had happened.  Then she went back to eating grass.  That bird did the same thing to the other baby groundhog, who reacted the exact same way her sister did.  I was angry at this bird, but I also thought it was a little funny.  I don't think it's funny at all anymore.  Another day, I watched a bird peck one of the sisters repeatedly.  The poor thing didn't fight back at all.  It's frustrating, because the groundhogs are definitely bigger than these birds, so they shouldn't be taking any crap from them.  I hate seeing groundhogs being bullied.  What was this bird's problem?  Why was she attacking her instead of foraging for food?  Why is there so much aggression in this world?  Even the toughest of the groundhogs around here, Sheila, has been bullied by birds.  I've seen birds pecking groundhogs plenty of times now, but I've never seen one fight back against the feathered fiends.
I've decided to take matters into my own hands.  If I see birds bullying groundhogs, I will yell "Fight back!" out the window.  I'm not expecting them to fight back against the birds when I do that, but it will probably scare the groundhog, which would cause her to run for cover, which would, temporarily at least, put an end to the bullying.
What's really disturbing is the patches of fur that are missing from one of the sisters.  I can only conclude that she has been bitten where the fur is missing.  And I can't help suspecting that Sheila is responsible.
I think the heat is a factor.  The first time I saw baby groundhogs being bullied was on a very hot day.  In addition to that craziness, I saw a rabbit threaten a couple of squirrels.  One of the squirrels got into a standoff with the rabbit; she laid her tail on her back completely, which is something I'd never seen before.
Speaking of rabbits, it's strange that groundhogs, even babies, seem to not be afraid of them.  I've seen groundhogs intimidate rabbits at least twice.  The rabbits are larger than the birds who bully them.  I suppose it's true what they say; size isn't everything.  

Bumpkin 2: The Wrath of Bumpkin

So little, so cute, so deadly

Bumpkin is still causing mayhem around these parts.  For the second time, that I know of, she has fired a large and powerful fireball from one of her paws that has destroyed something.  In this case, it was a car.  The car exploded and went up like a tinderbox.  By the time the firemen put it out, the car was a total loss.  You couldn't even tell what make or model it was.  Again, the police came.  Naturally they'll want to investigate the cause of the blast.  Once again, I told them that Bumpkin the groundhog was responsible for the destruction, but I don't think they believe me.  I realize they probably think I have a screw loose in my head or something, but they'll see.  Once she takes the city, she'll seize the county, then the minds and wills of all human beings living within the great state of New York: the Empire State.  Though soon to be renamed "New Bumpkin: the Bumpkin State."  She already has every soul in my apartment complex, including mine, under her powerful spell.  She simply does not have to spend much time grazing anymore.  She has a battalion of brain-controlled zombies to do her bidding.  Whenever I hear her voice in my head, giving me a command, I follow it to the letter.  Most of the time, she's ordering me to pick grass, dandelions, and other sorts of weeds for her, her sisters, and her mother to consume as an in-hole snack.  Groundhogs eat weeds.  Let the groundhogs be free to do what they want, and they will eat weeds and keep the grass from getting too long.

Bumpkin used to be content to frolic in the grass with her mother and sisters, but now it seems like nothing will be able to quench her thirst for power.  I really think she intends to rule the world eventually.  With each and every giant fireball fired from a cute young groundhog paw, she gets more powerful and closer to her goal of total and complete domination of all the humans on the face of the planet.