Bumpkin!

Peek-a-boo!  I see you!

I can't believe it!  The inevitable finally happened.  Bumpkin hit me in the ass with a fireball!  She ruined a perfectly good pair of jeans in the process.  At least it wasn't one of her lethals, she just wanted to make a point I guess.  To remind me that she merely tolerates me, and she could take me out anytime, and she can.
By the way, Bumpkin has given up completely on her clone, who looks just like her but has none of the special abilities and superpowers that Bumpkin has.  Bumpkin has kicked her out of my apartment; she must hibernate in the family hole: like a normal groundhog.  This is a good thing; it was crowded enough in here with me and 3 groundhogs.  I'm worried that she'll keep cloning herself until she gets the result she wants though.
Back to the butt burning though.  I must admit that I can be a surly sort.  It's part of the reason why I choose to live alone (I didn't ask Bumpkin and her sisters, Lucinda and Sloopy, to spend the winter hibernating in my apartment; Bumpkin made that decision for me.).  I need to have a place where I can get away and be alone: my home.  I came home from work one day, and I wasn't a happy camper; it was just one of those days (Don't take it personal.).  I walked down the hallway to the bathroom.  I turned my head, glanced into the bedroom, and saw it: groundhog poop.  One of my roomies had missed the kitty litter box by a few inches.  When I first moved in to this apartment, I was glad to have wall-to-wall carpeting.  I've since reconsidered.  Whoever made the choice to install light-colored carpeting into these apartments is a real pain in my ass (No pun intended.).  I wipe my feet so thoroughly before I enter my unit; it makes me feel like more of a nutcase than I usually do.  It doesn't matter; when you have light-colored carpeting, stains will come out of the woodwork.  If I ever buy carpeting, it will either be dark brown or black.  Black is an especially good choice because it is a combination of all the colors.  Therefore, theoretically, whatever you drop onto it will be absorbed by the blackness of it.
So I see groundhog poop on the carpet, and I see red.  I knew Bumpkin didn't do it, because she taught herself to use the toilet shortly after moving in to my unit.  Sometimes she forgets to clean her fur off the toilet seat, but I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles.  Even though I know Bumpkin can be very protective of her sisters, I couldn't help it.
"Who pooped on the carpet?!" I yelled.  Then I felt it: the fireball hitting my backside.  Whoo!  It burned.  I ran into the bathroom, turned on the cold water, and splashed it all over my butt.  I took off the pants; they were toast.  There was just a little hole burned into my skivvies: no need to trash them.  That was enough of a warning for me.  I dropped the issue entirely.  And Bumpkin, to her credit, levitated the errant poop, and tossed it out of a window.  She even cleaned the stain.   Though I never found out who missed the kitty litter box; I suppose it doesn't matter.