Frenemy

I'm trying to let go.  I've been thinking obsessively about my former best friend.  As previously mentioned, I have OCD,  He is a very mean, angry person who has yelled and screamed at me many times for no good reason.  He has kicked me out of his house twice.  I'm very angry about all the shit I've taken from him.
As mentioned previously, I have depression.  I've read books about it.  You're supposed to have friends.  I suppose this is why I've taken so much shit from him.  I was thinking, he's a very angry asshole, but it's better than having no friends.  He knows I have depression, but, obviously, that didn't stop him from being cruel to me.
I'll tell the story of one of the times he kicked me out of his house.  He's an avid gambler.  He talks at length about it, which bores the hell out of me.  Anyway, we were watching a college football game.  As previously mentioned, I don't give a fuck about football, but it was his house, so he had control of the remote.  This happened to be a good game.  One team, that had been way behind, was making an improbable comeback.  I was cheering for them.  My former friend, B, became angry with me, because he had bet against the team.  I couldn't believe it.  He accused me of fucking with him by cheering for the team.  He became very angry.  I pointed out that, if he was losing his bet, it was his fault, and his fault alone, because he placed the bet.  He kicked me out of his house over that bullshit.
I could go on and on about what an asshole he has been to me, and perhaps I'll add to this.  But I'm just trying to let go of my obsessive anger.     

Smiles & Lies

Smiles and lies try to hide the truth about life in our society.  Watch TV and you'll see plenty of it: especially in commercials.  Smiling people trying to sell shit to miserable people.
Post your pics of you putting your faces together smiling on Fakebook.  Don't post pics of the truth behind the façade: pain, loneliness, despair. 
At work, I dealt with some customers.  I was polite to them.  As the couple was walking away, the woman said, loudly, probably for my benefit, "Hi.  How are you?"  I think she was criticizing me for not saying "How are you?" to them.  I don't like it when cashiers ask me how I am, because I know they don't care.  Why would you want someone who doesn't know you, and doesn't care about you, to ask you how you are?  I don't understand it.  This woman, who I think is a piece of fucking shit, must like all that fake shit.  She must like living a fake and phony life.  I pity her.
Biological parenthood is where the most smiles and lies come from.  Bring a little baby into this fucked-up world to cheer your selfish ass up.  Smile at your cute little baby as you ignore all the pain, shit, and misery that person will have to go through as a result of your pathetic unprotected sex.  Lie to yourself that you haven't done a very cruel thing by subjecting your child to all the shit that life has to offer.
I'm so tired.  I'm in such pain.  It's only going to get worse.

Fuck American Football

One of the most annoying things one has to deal with in this country is the popularity of American football, which I couldn't care less about.  As a lover of animals, I'm truly offended that the average American cares so much more about these meaningless football games than the extreme, widespread suffering that people are forcing animals to endure.
At work, I've seen guys standing around, talking so seriously about football, as though it mattered more than nothing, which it doesn't.  The only people that should care about football are those who are profiting from it: the players, coaches, owners, commentators, etc. 
It's not as though I never cared about it.  I was a big sports fan when I was a kid.  Then, one year, my baseball team, the Yankees, won the World Series again.  I watched the players jumping around like happy children, and it did nothing for me.  What happens when "your team" wins?  Does a million dollars get directly deposited into your bank account?  Of course not.  I essentially went from being a pro sports fan to not caring about it at all in that moment.
At work one day, in the break room, a coworker was watching a football game on TV, but that wasn't enough.  He felt the need to talk to me about the game, even though I was trying to read a book.  Apparently, the book in my hands wasn't enough of a clue that I didn't give a fuck about the game.
Football is boring.  The playoff game that my coworkers were going crazy over yesterday wasn't even close.  One team clobbered another.  How many times has a quarterback handed the ball off to a running back, who ran for a few yards before being tackled?  Over and over and over again.