Bumpkin Hit China!

Spring isn't that far away.

Bumpkin has struck her first international blow by striking an area inside the country of China with a long-range, super-sized fireball!  Oh, you won't see it on the news.  After all, the Chinese officials haven't even told their own citizens about it, because the\y have no idea how it happened.
Mistress Bumpkin was watching a documentary about the horrible treatment of animals by people.  She saw that many Chinese citizens had a record of treating animals very poorly.  Once she'd seen enough, she unlocked my door, and opened it with her superpowers.  She did not use her superpowers to hop down the steps; it was so cute.  However, she was on her way to killing more people than she had ever done over the course of a single day.  General Bumpkinismo killed 34 people, and wounded dozens more, with a single fireball, that was launched from my apartment buildings' grounds in Rochester, NY.
Unless she's been practicing behind my back, that's, by far, the largest fireball she's ever flung from her left front paw.
"Wow, Bumpkin," I said.  "I don't know what to say.  The good, ole u s of a is a direct competitor with China.  Yet, you killed a lot of people, which, depending on the people killed, might be a bad thing."
"It is done as my will requested," retorted Bumpkin.  "I'm thinking about hitting Japan next with one of those babies."
"Just not Tokyo, please, Bumpkin.   Also, not Hiroshima or Nagasaki.  It wouldn't be right," I said.
"Don't try to give me a history lesson, buster brown!  I know all about that stuff!  Jeepers!  Look at World War II and the Holocaust.  How could Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini been allowed to do so much damage to the world!  Humans have had their chance.  It's time for the groundhogs to have their shot.  Well, really just me.  I'll have to take on the world's humans by myself, all the other groundhogs can do is give me moral support, which is a good thing to have, especially the support I get from my 2 sisters: Sloopy and Lucinda," said Bumpkin.  "Their support will give me what I need to be victorious against the human folk.  And victorious I shall be, by the hammers of Nutsie and Cleopatra (groundhog gods)," said Bumpkin.
"Wow, Bumpkin," I said.  "Is that the largest fireball you'll ever be able to toss?" I asked.
"No."
Sometimes, she's rather outgoing and articulate, other times, she just says what needs to be said : nothing more.

A Picnic on the Moon: Part Deux

Bumpkin Wumpkin

It didn't take us long to get to the moon.  The landing was very smooth: courtesy of Bumpkin.  Upon landing, she immediately expanded the size of the bubble, so we would have plenty of room to roam around and explore. 
"Let's play Frisbee," Bumpkin said.
"Great idea, Ms. Bumpkin," I said.  I located the Frisbee and tossed it to Bumpkin, who caught it with her superpowers: not her paws.
"Get to steppin'," she said to me.
"Yes, ma'am."  I jogged away from my groundhog house guests.  Once I determined I was far enough away, I turned around to look for the Frisbee.  As soon as I did, it struck me in the face at great velocity.  It not only knocked me down; it knocked me out.  Once I came to, I saw the sisters standing over me.  They were trying to hold in the laughter, but they weren't succeeding. 
"Are you okay?" Bumpkin asked me.
"I think so," I replied.  "But I don't know if I'm up for anymore Frisbee.  Could we eat now?"
"Of course," Bumpkin said.  She used her powers to spread the blanket and set things up.  I reached for an apple, and I felt something hit my hand: hard.  I put off grabbing that apple.
"Ah, Bumpkin," I said.  "Did you just slap my hand with your powers?"
"I sure did."
"Why, Bumpkin, why?"
"Because we haven't said grace yet.  I want you to do the honors."
"Yes, ma'am.  Dear God, we thank you-"
"Wait a second," said Bumpkin.  Who is this God you're thanking?  Is she a human or a groundhog?"
Bumpkin is deadly.  She's already hit me in the ass with one of her fireballs of destruction.  Which is why I said, "She's a groundhog, of course."
"Good answer.  Proceed."
"Yes.  Thank you for this food we're about to eat.  Amen."
"That was pretty short, buster," said Bumpkin.
"Well, sometimes less is more.  Bumpkin, could you please pass the pickled peppers?"
"Certainly," she said.  The pickled peppers flew out of the jar and hit me in the face, which led to great gales of laughter emanating from the 3 groundhog sisters. 
"Good one, Bumpkin," I had to admit.
"You make it so easy.  You asked for it," she replied.
After some more hijinks and shenanigans, all perpetuated by Bumpkin, we feasted.  Then we went for a stroll.  I never thought I'd be able to look at the Earth from the moon, but, thanks to Bumpkin, that's exactly what I was able to do.  I saw something.  I pointed to it.  "Look at that," I said.  Sloopy and Lucinda looked, but Bumpkin didn't bother to do so.  It was headed toward us.  "Do you know what that is, Bumpkin?" I asked.
"Of course.  I summoned it from the Earth.  It's an adult diaper: for you.  I'm sick and tired of changing you after you poop yourself during space travel.  You will wear it during the trip back to Earth.  And if you poop your pants, you will have to stew in your own juices until you get home and change yourself for a change."
"I don't really need to wear it, Bumpkin."
"Phooey!  You've pooped your pants twice now, and I've changed you twice!  You will wear it: end of discussion!"
I knew she was in no mood for an argument, so I put it on.  And, sure enough, I soiled it on the way back.  "You were right, Bumpkin," I had to admit.
"Of course!  I'm always right!  I'm Bumpkin!"
"I know that you're tired of changing me, but could you please just do it once more?"
"Heck, no!  I thought I made myself abundantly clear!  I've changed you for the last time!  Now stew in your own juices!  It's what you deserve for not being able to control yourself!  How come you're the only one?  My sisters are able to hold in their poop."
Right on cue, some poop fell out of Lucinda's butt.
"Holy crap!  Give me a freaking break!" said Bumpkin.

A Picnic on the Moon

She's the Bumpkinest Bumpkin of all; she's Bumpkin!

"Let's have a picnic: on the moon!" Bumpkin declared.
Her sisters Sloopy and Lucinda cheered.
"Do they even know what a picnic or the moon is?" I asked.
"Of course!  I've taught them many words.  They just can't say any: yet.  I'm working on it."
"Are you serious about a picnic on the moon?  How do we do that?"
"Yes, I'm serious.  And don't worry about it; I'll handle everything: as usual.  Can you just pack everything we need?"
"Of course, Miss Bumpkin."  I found my picnic basket and began to fill it with goodies while the sisters watched Groundhog Day (again!).  Once I was sure we had enough, I said, "We're all packed up, Bumpkin."
"Good, now we'll go outside."
All of us walked out of the building.  As soon as we did, we were engulfed in a gigantic bubble.  Then we ascended, within the bubble, rapidly.  Lucinda and Sloopy whooped it up; they were having a great time.  As for me...
"Holy crap!  What's that smell?" asked Bumpkin.
"I'm sorry, Bumpkin.  I pooped in my pants."
"OMG!  Once again, I can't take you anywhere!"  My pants suddenly came off me.  The part where I stick my legs in floated right in front of my face.  "Did you soil your pants?" Bumpkin asked.
I took a good look at the inside of the pants: especially the part that covers my butt.  "They're okay, Bumpkin.  They're clean."
"Okay then, it's just your underwear."
My underwear immediately came off me and fell through the bottom of the bubble: back towards Earth.  "You know, Bumpkin, I've told you before, but there are a lot of good reasons to not litter or pollute."
"I know, I know!"  She fired a fireball from her left front paw that likewise passed through the bubble.  I knew what that was for.  It was on its way to incinerating my filthy underpants.  "By the way, maybe you could practice what you preach and stop polluting your underwears."
"I'm sorry, Bumpkin.  I'm still not used to space travel."
"Well get used to it, Buster!  I'm tired of wasting my powers on cleaning your poopy butt!"
Back on Earth, a washcloth levitated in a Bed, Bath, and Beyond store.  People watched, amazed, as it floated toward the rest rooms.  The door to the men's room opened, and the washcloth flew inside.  It hovered in a sink as the faucet turned on and doused it with warm water.  Then the soap dispenser made its contribution to the cleanliness of my backside.  Then, as the damp washcloth made its exit, it was followed by a towel.  Next thing I knew, my dirty backside was being washed by the soapy washcloth.  Once my butt was clean, the towel dried it.  Once my butt was dry, Bumpkin jettisoned the washcloth and towel from the bubble and toasted them.  All this time, I was modestly covering my private parts with my hands.  In a Kmart, a package of underwear opened.  A pair flew out, exited the store, and made it's way to my body.  They entered the bubble and Bumpkin, using her powers, dressed me.
"Thanks, Bumpkin, but these underwear are a little tight."
"Give me a break!  I thought you wore medium-sized undies!"
"Sometimes, there are some differences between brands."
In many stores, packages of men's underwear opened.  Pairs upon pairs of them exited stores and chased our bubble.  They arrived.  Pairs and pairs of them entered our bubble.  The bubble was filling rapidly with underpants.  Sloopy and Lucinda loved it.  It was as though it was raining underpants, but from below instead of above.
"See any you like?" asked Bumpkin.
"Yeah, thanks Bumpkin, I'm good."
TO BE CONTINUED.
 

Bumpkin Apologized

Go ahead and take a break; you earned it.

She's a little rough around the edges, she has the necessary power to fiercely battle all the world's militaries simultaneously, but she's a real sweetheart.  She apologized for hitting me in the backside with one of her fireballs, which always emanate from her left front paw. 
"I'm sorry I hit you in the butt with a fireball," she said.
"Oh, Mistress Bumpkin, thank you so much.  That means so much to me," I replied with teary eyes.  It really did.  I love it when she's not mad at me; when I don't really have to worry about being deep-sixed by a groundhog.
She stood on her hind paws.  "Give me a hug," she said.
"Gladly, Madame Bumpkin, gladly," I replied.  We hugged.  It was great.  "You know I love you, Lady Bumpkin."
"I know you do," she replied.
"And I want to be with you for as long as I can."
"I know."
"Whatever I need to do to prove my worth to you; I will do."
"You'll try; I don't know if you'll succeed."
I got down on one knee in front of Bumpkin.  "Ms. Bumpkin, I hereby pledge my everlasting loyalty to you: now and forever."
"What is this crapola?"
"I'll always be on your side.  We'll always be each other's firsts.  You're my first groundhog friend, and I'm your first human friend."
"You're my only human friend.  I won't be making any more human friends; especially since I'll be slaughtering millions of them every darn day come spring."
"It will be a bloody spring indeed.  Please remember, as I've said before, friends don't kill friends."
"Don't you try to tell me who I shouldn't kill!"
"Yes, ma'am.  Sorry, ma'am."
"If you don't want me to kill you, then you should be begging me for opportunities to practice your marvelous groundhog massage technique on my body."
"Yes!  Thanks for reminding me!  Would you like a massage right now, Princess Bumpkin?"
"No, I mentioned it because I don't want a massage." 
I began to rub her little shoulders.  "I know when you're being sarcastic.  Just relax and enjoy the ride."

Bumpkin!

Peek-a-boo!  I see you!

I can't believe it!  The inevitable finally happened.  Bumpkin hit me in the ass with a fireball!  She ruined a perfectly good pair of jeans in the process.  At least it wasn't one of her lethals, she just wanted to make a point I guess.  To remind me that she merely tolerates me, and she could take me out anytime, and she can.
By the way, Bumpkin has given up completely on her clone, who looks just like her but has none of the special abilities and superpowers that Bumpkin has.  Bumpkin has kicked her out of my apartment; she must hibernate in the family hole: like a normal groundhog.  This is a good thing; it was crowded enough in here with me and 3 groundhogs.  I'm worried that she'll keep cloning herself until she gets the result she wants though.
Back to the butt burning though.  I must admit that I can be a surly sort.  It's part of the reason why I choose to live alone (I didn't ask Bumpkin and her sisters, Lucinda and Sloopy, to spend the winter hibernating in my apartment; Bumpkin made that decision for me.).  I need to have a place where I can get away and be alone: my home.  I came home from work one day, and I wasn't a happy camper; it was just one of those days (Don't take it personal.).  I walked down the hallway to the bathroom.  I turned my head, glanced into the bedroom, and saw it: groundhog poop.  One of my roomies had missed the kitty litter box by a few inches.  When I first moved in to this apartment, I was glad to have wall-to-wall carpeting.  I've since reconsidered.  Whoever made the choice to install light-colored carpeting into these apartments is a real pain in my ass (No pun intended.).  I wipe my feet so thoroughly before I enter my unit; it makes me feel like more of a nutcase than I usually do.  It doesn't matter; when you have light-colored carpeting, stains will come out of the woodwork.  If I ever buy carpeting, it will either be dark brown or black.  Black is an especially good choice because it is a combination of all the colors.  Therefore, theoretically, whatever you drop onto it will be absorbed by the blackness of it.
So I see groundhog poop on the carpet, and I see red.  I knew Bumpkin didn't do it, because she taught herself to use the toilet shortly after moving in to my unit.  Sometimes she forgets to clean her fur off the toilet seat, but I guess that's just the way the cookie crumbles.  Even though I know Bumpkin can be very protective of her sisters, I couldn't help it.
"Who pooped on the carpet?!" I yelled.  Then I felt it: the fireball hitting my backside.  Whoo!  It burned.  I ran into the bathroom, turned on the cold water, and splashed it all over my butt.  I took off the pants; they were toast.  There was just a little hole burned into my skivvies: no need to trash them.  That was enough of a warning for me.  I dropped the issue entirely.  And Bumpkin, to her credit, levitated the errant poop, and tossed it out of a window.  She even cleaned the stain.   Though I never found out who missed the kitty litter box; I suppose it doesn't matter.
         

Bumpkin Got Drunk

This is Gracie: one of our beloved neighbors.

I came home from work and immediately went to the fridge to get a beer.  It had been that sort of a day.  I knew I had 6 of them in there, but now there were none.  There was only one explanation: Bumpkin.  I marched straight to my bedroom, which has been taken over by 3 groundhogs: Bumpkin and her sisters Sloopy and Lucinda.  Sure enough, once again, they were watching Groundhog Day.  Well, only Bumpkin was watching it this time.  Sloopy and Lucinda were fast asleep among the empty beer cans.  I looked at Bumpkin.  She used her superpowers to lift the can, which was too large to be held by her paws, to her lips.  She took a sip.  Then she saw me.
"What is this stuff?  It's good." she said to me.
"It's beer, Bumpkin.  And I was hoping I'd be able to have some.  Now I'll have to go out and get some more if I want to have any."
"We do need more of it.  I feel like going for a ride anyway."
So we walked to my car, I opened the door for her, and she hopped in.  We were off to the store.  It didn't take us long to get there.
"I'll be right back," I said to her before going inside to purchase more beer.
"I'm going with," she replied.
Great.  I'm trying to maintain a low profile, because I'm with Bumpkin, who is planning to start a war (groundhogs vs. humans) for control of the world, and now I must walk into a supermarket with her.
"OK, Bumpkin.  But please don't kill anyone."
"If anyone disrespects me, or my sisters, there will be blood."
"But Bumpkin, it's bad enough when you're sober.  You've been drinking.  Alcohol impairs one's abilities."
"Not mine," she replied.  "Watch this."  She stood on her hind legs in the parking lot and promptly flung one of her fireballs of destruction from her left front paw at a flying seagull.  It was close, but she missed the bird.  Bumpkin was so confident in her abilities that she didn't even look to see if the fireball found its target.  "See?"
"Ah, Bumpkin, you missed."
"What?!"  She looked at the bird, who was still soaring.  "Holy crap!  I never miss!"  She fired another fireball.  This time, it hit the seagull, who burst into flames.  The poor thing continued to fly for as long as she could before crashing and burning.  "That beer must have made me miss.  This beer is no good!  Take me to it!"
"Now, Bumpkin, take it easy.   Please don't start any trouble."
"Just take me to the darn beer!"
"Yes, ma'am."  I can't argue with her when she's like this.  I took her to the beer section.  'This is it," I said to her.
She looked around a little before firing several fireballs at the store's beer stock.  People screamed and ran when they heard the explosions and saw the flames.  Cans of beer were exploding.  Bottles of beer were shattering.  She didn't stop until all the beer had been destroyed.
"You did it, Bumpkin.  You destroyed all of it," I said.
"Yeah, in this store.  Now let's go to the next one."
"Bumpkin, you can't destroy all the beer!  There's too much of it, and it's all over the place.  And that's not the only kind of alcohol either.  There's wine and liquor too."  Then it hit me: an idea.  "You want to take control of the world, right?"
"You know I will."
"Well, then, let the humans drink alcohol and impair their abilities and their health.  This will make them easier to defeat."
"You made a pretty good point: for a human."
So we went home and I never got to drink any beer that day. 

Bumpkin Did It

She did it again; she destroyed stuff.

Once I stepped into my apartment, I knew something was wrong.  It was way too cold.  I immediately went to my, or, perhaps I should say, the bedroom of my 3 groundhogian guests: Sloopy, Lucinda, and, of course, Bumpkin, who has superpowers that were bestowed upon her by the dark netherworld.  I looked inside the bedroom and soon noticed the source of my home's extreme frigidity: the window had been busted.  It looked like something went right through the window and the screen.  Not surprisingly, the screen was bent outward, leaving me to believe that the source of the damage had come from within and most likely; it was Bumpkin.  Also not surprisingly, the sisters were watching Groundhog Day (again!).
"And just what the heck happened to that window?"
"You better not be talking to me like that," said Bumpkin.  "I'd hate to see you end up like that freaking window!"
"No, Mistress Bumpkin, I was talking to Sloopy and Lucinda.  If you're offended again, then please allow me to apologize to you again."
"You sure got a smart mouth, mister.  I'd hate to launch a fireball at it from my left front paw."
"Is that what happened to the window?  Was it one of your fireballs?"
"Of course."
"Why, pray tell, did you destroy the window and the screen with a fireball?"
"There was a bird outside who was making so much noise.  I warned him telepathically to quit it or go away, but he, for whatever reason, did not heed my warning.  The next logical step, everyone can agree, is to immediately fling a fireball of destruction from your left paw at the offender."
"Did you get him?"
"But of course.  He's really just a piece of toast at this point."
"OK, Madame Bumpkin, but, in the future, could you please open the window and the screen if you must launch a fireball?  And I'd appreciate it very much if you could try to limit your fireball deployment as much as possible.  It could bring unwanted attention to this apartment."
"Let them come!  I am ready.  Maybe that's how the last great war, that of the humans vs. the groundhogs, will come to pass.  They'll come after us, and we'll, well, I don't know about "we'll."  I won't get much help physically at all.  The average groundhog wouldn't do very well in combat against the average human.  It's looking like I'll have to do all the fighting for my side.  Sloopy and Lucinda will provide moral support.  They will keep my spirits up.  They'll remind me that I'm not just doing this for myself, I'm also doing it for all the world's groundhogs.  We will rule this planet!" 
"That's great Miss Bumpkin, but we need to do something about this window.  It's freezing in here!"
"No it isn't.  It's comfy."
"For you and your sisters maybe.  You're all covered in fur!  What about me?  I'm bald!  Please fix it Ms. Bumpkin." 
"OK, just a sec."  The damaged screen and window were immediately jettisoned from the building.  They were completely incinerated by one of Bumpkin''s fireballs before they could hit the ground.  Then a window and screen from the apartment directly across the way from ours detached from that unit and flew over to replace ours.
"Thanks, Bumpkin.  But that wasn't very neighborly."
"I told you.  I don't care about things like being neighborly.  I welcome any and all humans to challenge me in a duel to the death.  Groundhogs have been under the thumb of humans for far too long.  Here is as good a place as any for the revolution to begin.  Viva Las Marmotas!"    

Bumpkin Bumpkin

Bumpkin's on the D.L.

Bumpkin has really done it this time.  While I was at work, She cloned herself!  This is how I found out; "Hi Mistress Bumpkin.  How was your day?"
"OK,  I cloned myself."
"Gad-zoinks!"
"What the heck is gad-zoinks?"
"It's nothing.  I was so shocked that the only thing that could come out of my mouth initially was nonsense.  It's not a word.  What the freak happened?"
"Hey!  I don't know how many times I've told you, but don't you ever take an attitude with me!  You've seen what I can do after all!"
That threat got my attention.  I've seen her slaughter other animals and people mostly using her superpowers, which were bestowed upon her by the dark netherworld, and her razor-sharp claws.  She's a groundhog, but she quite possibly is the deadliest sentient being this Earth has ever seen: even more than Michael Myers or Stalin.
"Sorry Mistress Bumpkin.  This is your world, and the rest of us are just squirrels trying to get a nut."
"Nice try."
"Excuse me, my mistress?"
"You'd better watch it.  I'm onto your methods.  Whenever I'm mad at you, you try to plant a dance song into my head, so I'll play it and dance to it and forget about being mad at you.  In this case it's "Gonna Make You Sweat" by C+C Music Factory, is it not?"
"Yes, ma'am.  Sorry, ma'am.  But what about this clone of yours?  Please tell me more, madame.
"She's a perfect clone if you leave out the part about her having none of my superpowers."
"Wow."
"Yes, wow indeed.  But it's really sucky.  I've been trying to teach her stuff, but she's not catching on very well at all.  I'm losing patience."
"Please don't lose your patience, ma'am.  Bad things happen when you lose your patience."
"You think I don't know that, tampon bag?"
I laughed.
"What the heck is so funny mister?!"
"I'm sorry Miss Bumpkin, but I think the insult you're looking for might be douche bag: not tampon bag!"
"You're such an idiot!  I said tampon bag on purpose because I'm always keeping things fresh: not stale.  I tweaked it for her pleasure.  That's what she said.  Give me a freaking break, I'm on a roll!"
"Once again, I'm sorry Mistress Bumpkin.  You're always at least a step ahead of the rest of us."
"If there are other people as dumb as you, then it's a lot more than one step ahead; that's for sure!"
"Touche, madame Bumpkina."
"What is this Bumpkina?  Foolish is the fool that mocks me or my sisters."
"I'm not mocking you, ma'am: I never would.  I just changed your name around a little bit: just for funsies."
"OMG, you are such a freaking geek!"

Bumpkin's Favorite Movies

This photo accurately shows what Bumpkin's butt looked like in the recent past.

Ladies, gentlemen, and groundhogs, Mistress Bumpkin, for your pleasure, and hers, has compiled a list of her very most favorite movies to peruse. They are Groundhog Day, The Godfather, Jaws, Schindler's List, Saving Private Ryan, Raging Bull, The Aviator (2004), Halloween (1978), The Omen (1976), Dawn of the Dead (1978 & 2004, but she likes the 1978 version better), 28 Days Later, Evil Dead, Evil Dead 2, A Clockwork Orange, Dead Alive, Joe Versus the Volcano, Big, The Best of Times, The Shining (1980), Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), Blue Velvet, Wild at Heart, The Straight Story, Courage Under Fire, Affliction, Box of Moonlight, Raising Arizona, Miller's Crossing, Fargo, Office Space, Manhattan, Bananas, Sleeper, Love and Death, Bullets Over Broadway, Play It Again Sam, Casino Royale (2006), Predator, Raw Deal, The Terminator, Commando, Die Hard, Drugstore Cowboy, Barfly, Lethal Weapon, Mad Max, The Road Warrior, Road House, Pootie Tang, Godfather Part II, Crash (1996), Raiders of the Lost Ark, Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, Witness, The Fugitive, Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal, Seven, American Beauty, Glengarry Glen Ross, Sin City, Welcome to the Doll House, Happiness, Goodfellas, Spider-Man (2002), Frailty, Platoon, Full Metal Jacket, Barry Lyndon, Taxi Driver, The Train (1965), Kiss of Death (1995), Scarface (1983), Pink Floyd-The Wall, Blow Out (1981), Runaway Train, Wall Street, U Turn, Any Given Sunday, JFK, Infernal Affairs, Fulltime Killer, Avalon (1990), Psycho (1960), North by Northwest, Meet the Parents, Along Came Polly, Wedding Crashers, Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, Club Dread, You, Me, and Dupree, There's Something About Mary, Bound, The Matrix, Apocalypto, Braveheart, This Boy's Life, Passion of the Christ, North Face, Carrie (1976), Zoolander, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, Caddyshack, Star Wars: Episode 3-Revenge of the Sith, The Jerk, The Last Waltz, Night of the Living Dead, Zombieland, The Social Network, The Dark Knight, Batman and Robin, Batman Forever, Batman, Batman Returns, Blade, Daredevil, Donnie Darko, Return of the Dragon, Game of Death, Shaolin Soccer, Kung Fu Hustle, Spun, Manhunter, Heat, Minority Report, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, There Will Be Blood, Gangs of New York, Deliverance, Midnight Cowboy, Fido, Planet of the Apes (1968), Rosemary's Baby, Clear and Present Danger, The Hunt for Red October, Crimson Tide, Das Boot, The Perfect Storm, King Kong (2005), Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, Aliens, The Assassination of Richard Nixon, The Prestige, and Tin Cup.
These are her favorite TV shows: Hill Street Blues, 30 Rock, The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Seinfeld, Arrested Development, Reno 911, NBC Nightly News, Get a Life, Three's Company, The Brady Bunch, Chips, Justified, Cops, Jail, Dateline, 20/20, 60 Minutes, Dog the Bounty Hunter, The Soup, Gangland, Talk Soup, and To Catch a Predator.
She and I have a lot in common.

Bumpkin's Favorite Actors

Bumpkin plays favorites.

As I feared she would, Bumpkin has forced me to order digital cable.  She made me join Netflix too.  At least she's paying for it.  All she needs to do is use her superpowers to extract money from wallets and purses of my neighbors or people passing by.  Then the money floats toward my apartment building, and ultimately slips under my front door.  It's easy as pie for her to do that. 
Bumpkin has really been catching up on many of the movies and TV shows she missed before she became aware of the boob tube.  As she hibernates/plans to take over the world from humans, she watches plenty of TV.  She likes a lot of actors: Daniel Day-Lewis, Robert De Niro, Robert Duvall, Mickey Rourke, Billy Bob Thornton, Sam Rockwell, Walton Goggins, Timothy Olyphant, Jeremy Davies, Alec Baldwin, Sean Penn, Kal Penn, Ryan Reynolds, Simon Pegg, James Woods, Dennis Quaid, Denzel Washington, Matt Dillon, Martin Short, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Nicolas Cage, Tom Hanks, Russel Crowe, Robert Downey Jr., Kirk Douglas, Steve McQueen, Mel Gibson, Jason Statham, Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Kevin Costner, Patrick Swayze, Burt Reynolds, Jon Voight, Ed Harris, Viggo Mortensen, Gary Oldman, James Franco, Willem Dafoe, Tom Berenger, Jake Gyllenhaal, Heath Ledger, Jerry Seinfeld, Larry David, Jason Alexander, Daniel J. Travanti, Dennis Franz, Michael Conrad, Bruce Weitz, James Sikking, Charles Haid, Michael Warren, Taurean Blacque, Kiel Martin, Rene Enriquez, Ken Olin, Jeffrey Tambor, Al Pacino, John Cusack, Ryan Phillippe, Jude Law, Justin Long, Michael Keaton, Woody Allen, Woody Harrelson, Adam West, William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, Leonardo Dicaprio, Alec Guinness, Andy Lau, Armin Mueller-Stahl, Aidan Quinn, Anthony Quinn, Gabriel Byrne, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gene Hackman, Bruce Campbell, Bruce Lee, Bill Paxton, Roy Scheider, C. Thomas Howell, John Ritter, Clint Eastwood, Lee Majors, Jim Carrey, Alan Alda, Ray Liotta, Joe Pesci, Mr. T, Nick Nolte, James Coburn, Burgess Meredith, John Lithgow, Anthony Perkins, Paul Newman, Eric Roberts, and David Caruso.
She likes actors based on acting ability, funniness, and charisma.  When it comes to actresses, she likes very talented ones (Meryl Streep, Faye Dunaway), ones that are talented and especially pretty (Angela Bassett, Reese Witherspoon, Veronica Hamel), ones that are funny and very pretty (Tina Fey, Kristen Wiig, Jennifer Aniston), but mostly ones that are "cute" (Elizabeth Banks, Eva Mendes, Salma Hayek, Kate Hudson, Charlize Theron, Jennifer Garner, Sandra Bullock, Alicia Silverstone, Alyson Hannigan, Amy Adams, Suzanne Somers, Alicia Witt, Angelina Jolie, Anne Hathaway, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Ashley Judd).
Amazing.  I agree with all of the above!

Bumpkin Loves Metal

The only groundhog metal fan I know of: Bumpkin.

Ever since I played a CD in my home, while Bumpkin was present, she has been a huge fan of music.  She likes many of the same sorts of music I do.  She's a very open-minded music fan who wants to make up for all the lost time: when she was blissfully unaware of the virtues of music.  I'm a nut about my CDs.  I love them, so I handle them very carefully.  I only handle them with clean hands.  People have asked to borrow my CDs, I have a lot of them at this point, and I always wince: whether outwardly, inwardly, or both.  After all, I've taken out plenty of DVDs from the library, and I've seen how badly the discs get all scratched up by people who obviously don't handle discs as carefully as I do.  That's not a problem with Bumpkin though.  She has played many of my CDs, but she has not touched any of them with any part of her body.  She simply uses her superpowers to open the closet doors, slide out the drawers, levitate the selected discs, and put them into and out of the CD player.
It's only natural that Bumpkin likes a lot of what I do.  She's hears my stuff, she's a very recent and very enthusiastic fan of music, so she likes almost everything: including "Call Me Maybe."  I'm not sure if it's called that, but that's in the chorus: big hit.  Sloopy and Lucinda like it too.  I have to admit I like any song that gets all 3 of my groundhog house guests onto the dance floor.  Lucinda can really shake that big butt of hers.
"I like a lot of different sorts of music," said Bumpkin, "but metal is clearly the most superior kind of music I've ever heard.  The energy, the power, and the glory add up to something that other types of music can't compete with.  My favorite band is Kreator; they are off the hook!" 
So far, Bumpkin likes Deep Purple, Prince, Van Halen, Led Zeppelin, The Doors, The Who, Solitude Aeturnus, Tad Morose, The Clash, The Sex Pistols, Mercenary, Rage, Rage Against the Machine, Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, Neil Young, Asia, Samson, Bruce Dickinson, Bruce Springsteen, Bruce Hornsby, The Grateful Dead, Helloween, Soilwork, In Flames, Arch Enemy, Mercyful Fate, Overkill, Hirax, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Slayer, Sarah McLachlan, Heart, The Police, Sting, Queensryche, Black Sabbath, Megadeth, Fates Warning, Metal Church, Colbie Caillat, 3 Inches of Blood, Hall & Oates, George Michael, George Thorogood, The Allman Brothers Band, No Doubt, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Foreigner, Journey, Kenny Loggins, Yes, ELO, Kansas, Boston, The Scorpions, Culture Club, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Robert Cray, BB King, Derek and the Dominos, Cream, Tribuzy, Sepultura, Vader, Thin Lizzy, Armored Saint, Carcass, Entombed, Phil Collins, Genesis, Down, Pantera, The Dixie Chicks, T'Pau, Bad Company, Styx, Annihilator, Exodus, Fleetwood Mac, Blondie, Talking Heads, New Order, Creed, Harem Scarem, Riot, Budgie, The Fray, Snow Patrol, The White Stripes, The Black Keys, The Shins, Wilco, UFO, The Cult, Coldplay, Keane, The Pixies, Helmet, System of a Down, Mastodon, Soundgarden, Blue Oyster Cult, The Band, Robbie Robertson, Switchfoot, Paramore, Immortal, Spineshank, Bloodbath, Nevermore, Queens of the Stone Age, Foo Fighters, Pet Shop Boys, Roxette, Def Leppard, Whitesnake, Queen, R.E.M., Acid Bath, Today Is the Day, MGMT, U2, Soul Asylum, Dark Tranquillity, Candlemass, The Killers, Duran Duran, Dio, Judas Priest, Cryptopsy, Vehemence, Rainbow, Rush, Nirvana, The Cranberries, Lamb of God, King Diamond, Suicidal Tendencies, Willie Nelson, 10,000 Maniacs, Jane's Addiction, White Zombie, Venom, The Smiths, Echo and the Bunnymen, Savatage, Alice Cooper, Kiss, Ratt, .38 Special, Saxon, Dream Theater, P.O.D., Into Eternity, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, CCR, John Mayer, Pavement, Social Distortion, Alice in Chains, sHeavy, The Smithereens, Pestilence, Oasis, Vampire Weekend, Peter Gabriel, Death, Lacuna Coil, Fozzy, Collective Soul, 2pac, Eminem, Jay-Z, Boyz II Men, Tevin Campbell, Marvin Gaye, Little Richard, Chuck Berry, Buckcherry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Buddy Holly, Elvis Presley, Elvis Costello, ABBA, Aerosmith, Sammy Hagar, Dokken, and Kix.
I think Bumpkin has great taste in music.