Bumpkin Doesn't Like Pesticides

Big girl

He didn't know what was in store for him.  For him, it was probably just another day at work.  I heard the sound of his little buggy, and I didn't think much of it.  After all, the maintenance workers around here get around on golf carts, riding mowers, and at least one other vehicle.  Then I smelt it: one or more chemicals.  I looked out my window and saw him.  He was driving his little buggy all over, and he was spraying pesticides everywhere.  I had never seen anyone do that here before.  I immediately thought about all the little animals who live around here and forage on the grass that he was spraying with chemicals.  Would these chemicals harm them?  Will they smell the pesticides, realize they shouldn't eat the grass, and move on to greener pastures?  I wasn't the only one to ponder this issue.
As usual, once the sound of a motorized vehicle moving across the property was heard, the animals who had been hanging out on the grass fled the area.  All of them fled except for one groundhog: a very special groundhog indeed: Bumpkin.  I watched her sniff the air and make a face.  She didn't like the way it smelled.  She wasted no time.  She took off.  Bumpkin can fly!  I did not know that.  She caught up to the man on the buggy and attached herself to his back.  Then she used her left paw to slit his throat from ear to ear.  She used his blood to write "Don't come back." on the sidewalk.  She wasn't done.  She stood on her hind legs and raised her left paw.  As she did, the buggy levitated.  This was something else I'd never seen her do before.  I rushed outside to see what would happen next.  I watched the buggy get higher and higher.  She was sending it straight up.  It eventually got so high, that I couldn't see it anymore.
"Wow, where are you sending that, Bumpkin?" I asked her.
"To the moon," she replied (telepathically, of course).
"Holy crap!  That's incredible!"  Later, I watched the news.
"An unidentified flying object was spotted by many people today in the Rochester, NY area," the newscaster said.  "Let's go live to Andrea Killeen at the scene."
"Thanks, Linda.  I'm here with Billy Cordon, who witnessed this flying object.  Tell me, Mr. Cordon, what did it look like?"
"It looked like some kind of little buggy."
"And where did it go?"
"It just kept going straight up, higher and higher, until I couldn't see it anymore."
"Thank you, Mr. Cordon.  A man was also murdered in the area where the buggy allegedly went airborne.  Local police are trying to determine if these events are connected or not."
They're connected all right.