Saturday, January 19, 2013

Bumpkin Can Resurrect the Dead

Reunited and it feels so good: Sheila and Bumpkin back in the day.
She really did it.  Bumpkin was missing her mommy: Sheila.  I was missing her too.  Aside from a little perhaps too-tough love, she's been a good mother to her groundhog daughters: the big and beautiful Lucinda, the sleepy Sloopy, and the biggest threat to world peace: Bumpkin (she of the evilly-supplied superpowers).
Bumpkin concocted a way to locate her mother via DNA.  Unfortunately, she had passed on to the next world.  "Why won't she wake up?" she asked me.  I was there because I gave her a ride.
"It's because she's dead Bumpkin," I replied.
"Dead?  Like what I've done to lots of people and some animals?"
"Yes, Bumpkin.  She's dead, and, I'm sorry to say it, but there's no coming back from it."
"You fool!  You better watch what you say about my mommy!"  She immediately went to her expired mother and touched her lifeless body.  A jolt went through Sheila's body.  She had re-awoken!  She had come back from the dead to join the living once again!  Sloopy and Lucinda were in for a treat!  Mommy's back from the dead!
Sheila was a little slow.  After all, she may have been dead for months.  She probably hasn't used any of those muscles in quite a while.  Bumpkin realized this.  She levitated Sheila, and transported her, effortlessly, through the air at a very low, and safe, altitude.  Sheila was grareful for the assistance.  She'd get back on her paws eventually, but it's best not to rush things, especially when Bumpkin is on hand with all of her superpowers, which can make anything much easier.
"What are we going to tell Sloopy and Lucinda?" I asked Bumpkin.
"Nothing!  You'll tell them nothing!  I want it to be a gosh-darn surprise, buster, so you better not be ruining things with that big, dumb, smart mouth of yours!"
"Which is it Bumpkin?  Is my mouth dumb or smart?  It can't be both."
"This, mister, is an example of your smart mouth: a mouth that could earn another fireball to the backside of your rump, pal.  You've got a smart mouth, wisenheimer.  It's what comes out of it that's dumb." 
"Oh, I get it now, Bumpkin.  Thank you so much for explaining it to me."
"Buster, do you want me to toast your buns with a super-hot fireball?"
"No, ma'am.  We're just having a conversation here, Bumpkin.  There's no need for you to harm me physically."
"I'll be the judge of that," replied the divine Miss B.

1 comment:

Just in Case

if you're here from twitter because i stopped posting, i ask that you NOT ask twitter or anyone to do a wellness check on me. i wouldn...