I was so sure I wasn't afraid of death, but, apparently, I am. I sort of tried to hang myself. It didn't work out. I felt so claustrophobic with that noose around my neck. Also, I lack the engineering ability, or determination, to hang myself in my home (it seems). If one is determined enough, one can hang oneself from a doorknob. I suppose I'm not determined enough (yet).
So, as previously mentioned, jumping was next on my mind. I walked to the bridge of death. First, I prepared: not only online, but with a note and as far as what I had on me. What if I almost jumped, but didn't, and, as a result, stuff I needed fell out of my pockets and into the river? So I walked to the bridge and looked down. It really would be a miracle if I, or anyone else, survived jumping from the bridge and onto the river rocks below. I had doubts about being able to do it prior to arriving there. But once I looked down, I was done. The thought of falling that distance was so f*cking scary. I walked home.
Since then, I've been thinking of other methods. Although, all in all, today was a pretty good day. They always start badly. I hate waking up. I really wish I could just die, peacefully and painlessly, in my sleep. Again, exercise really helped my mood. It can change things for the better.
So I'm alive for now. I really hate my parents. They thoughtlessly brought me into this world, and this is the sort of shit I have to deal with as a result.
No comments:
Post a Comment