Life Is

Life is a dove perched alone on a wire under a cold heavy rain (Which I saw today but didn't take a photo, because my cheap phone can't do that, and my digital camera isn't charged.).

Death World

Any faithful reader of this blog will agree that I've gone on, at length, about how cruel it is for a person to bring animals or people into this world.  This time, I'll focus on one reason.  The existence of death alone is reason enough to not bring someone into this world.
If one doesn't die young, then one will have to deal with the deaths of beloved pets, friends, relatives, spouses, significant others, famous people they're fans of, etc.  Having to deal with the deaths of others has obviously shattered people's lives.  Some never recover from it.  And, compounding the situation, more deaths will follow; it's guaranteed.
I can still recall when, as a kid, I first began to grasp the concept of death.  It blew my little mind.  It was traumatic.  All this will just fade to black? I thought.  I won't wake up anymore?  I won't think anymore?  I won't see or hear anything anymore?
Perhaps this is part of the reason why metal is my favorite sort of music.  There is a subgenre of it called "death metal."  Obviously, death metal doesn't dance around the subject of death.  It's right there: in your face, in the name.  Metal lyrics tend to be more honest than what you'll find in other sorts of music.  For instance, as far as I know, there isn't a subgenre of metal called "love metal."  As far as I'm concerned, most love songs are garbage.  Is love between a man and a woman (or a gay couple) real?  Sometimes.  Or, in most cases, is it really lust that will fade?  How many pop stars have released songs where they're singing about how they'll love one person forever?  Meanwhile, they're getting more ass than a toilet seat.

Off My Meds

I'm no longer taking antidepressants, because I don't qualify for Medicaid anymore.  It would have cost $116 to fill my prescription for a month.  I can't afford that.  So, as a result, dark clouds have been moving in.  Here are some song lyrics from one of my favorite bands: Soundgarden.

"Fell on Black Days"
Whatsoever I've feared has come to life
Whatsoever I've fought off became my life
Just when everyday seemed to greet me with a smile
Sunspots have faded and now I'm doing time
Now I'm doing time
'Cause I fell on black days
I fell on black days
Whomsoever I've cured, I've sickened now
And whomsoever I've cradled, I've put you down
I'm a search light soul they say
But I can't see it in the night
I'm only faking when I get it right
When I get it right
'Cause I fell on black days
I fell on black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate?
How would I know
That this could be my fate? Yeah
Uh, uh, uh
Uh, uh, uh
Uh, uh, uh
So what you wanted to see good
Has made you blind
And what you wanted to be yours
Has made it mine
Don't you lock up something
That you wanted to see fly
Hands are for shaking
No, not tying, no, not tying
I sure don't mind a change
I sure don't mind a change
Yeah, I sure don't mind, sure don't mind a change
I sure don't mind a change
'Cause I fell on black days
I fell on black days
How would I know
That this could be my fate?
How would I know
That this could be my fate?
How would I know
That this could be my fate?
How would I know
That this could be my fate?
I sure don't mind a change

It's All Shit

Trump is shit.
Meat eaters are shit.
People who hurt animals, directly or indirectly, are shit.
People who don't care about animals are shit.
People who get off by closely controlling animals are shit.
People who can't stop being violent are shit.
Sadistic people are shit.
Selfish people are shit.
Hypocrites are shit.
Narcissists are shit.
Greedy rich people are shit.
Being a nobody with little money is shit.
People who enjoy being mean are shit.
Sexual predators are shit.
Litterers are shit.
Polluters are shit.
People who don't recycle are shit.
Arsonists are shit.
Terrorists are shit.
Biological parents are shit.
My father is shit.
My mother is shit.
Breeders are shit.
TV commercials are shit.
My neighbors, and their guests, are shit.
My ex-friend is shit.
Loud people are shit.
Shitty drivers are shit.
Stupid people are shit.
Human society is shit.
Trying to find a woman that I want to be with, who will want to be with me, is shit.
Aging is shit.
Pain is shit.
Depression is shit.
OCD is shit.
Work is shit.
Cowards who fuck with people who are working are shit.
Shit is shit.
People are shit.
Life is shit.

 

Joy Denied

Yesterday, as I was looking at a cute baby, I couldn't help thinking that I have never experienced the joy of holding my own baby (Because I have no kids.).  And, hopefully, I never will.  I'm not nearly selfish enough to bring a baby into this world.  And on another day in which my body is racked with pain, my neighbors have woken me up, and I'm preparing to go to my job that is unsatisfying (to say the least), I know that I have made the right choice to not bring someone into this hell. 

Hypocrisy

Everyday brings so much hypocrisy.  I was watching a TV show on DVD: The Jim Gaffigan Show.  Much was made about how Gaffigan, a comedian, works "clean," which, of course, means that he doesn't curse, and his act doesn't contain explicit sexual content.  However, like so many other people, he makes unfunny jokes about how much he loves bacon.  It's a big part of his act that he's fat, and he likes to eat.  When people talk about how much they love to eat meat or joke about how much they like bacon, I'm offended.  So, even though he doesn't curse, I was offended several times while watching his show.  Not only is he, and people like him, supporting cruelty to animals by buying meat, but they make jokes about it too.  Animals matter so little to them that they laugh about the suffering they're inflicting upon them: truly offensive to me. 
My aforementioned frenemy is like that.  He has judged and criticized me repeatedly about things I have said.  He loves to do it.  He is a politically correct pussy.  It got to the point where I'd respond to his petty criticisms by pointing out that words fly harmlessly through the air: especially when compared to paying people to be cruel to animals by buying meat, which he does regularly.  As someone who hasn't eaten meat since 2002, I can't compete with his level of cruelty. 
My mother is like this too.  She hates hearing the word "fuck."  However, she is a meat eater.  So, according to her, it's worse to say fuck than it is to contribute to the torture and murder of animals.  The hypocrisy is off the charts.
Then there's religion.  How many religious meat eaters would look down upon me because I'm an atheist?  Fuck their religion and fuck them.  I believe in what I know to be real.  Paying people to treat animals horribly is wrong.  I had an encounter with a religious customer at work recently.  He told me a shitty story about how he mentioned Jesus while he was waiting on a line somewhere.  And the woman behind him asked him if he mentioned Jesus, and if he would pray for her later.  He said, "I'll pray for you right now."  And, according to him, she was so grateful.  He seemed to think this was a great story: not me.  I wasn't impressed at all.  Praying is so easy.  I just did it.  I thought, "Dear god, please save all the animals of the world from hell on earth."  Think it will happen?       

Shouldn't Be Parents

This is a list of the sorts of people who shouldn't be parents.  You shouldn't be a parent if you are-
mean
abusive
cruel
violent
brutal
sadistic
selfish (my father) (my mother)
shallow
superficial
uncaring (my father) (my mother)
emotionally cold (my mother) (my father)
not capable of protecting your child (my mother) (my father)
not in it for the long haul (my father)
someone who will lose interest in your kid as he or she ages (my mother)
stupid (my mother)
lazy (my mother)
quick to anger (my mother)
impatient (my mother)
reckless
rough
ordinary (my mother)
average (my mother)
typical (my mother)
an alcoholic
a drug addict
a mess (my mother)
a shitty driver
a scumbag (my father)
trash (my father)
a narcissist
a sociopath
a psychopath
mentally defective (my mother)
incapable of holding a job
living in poverty
a loser (my father) (my mother)
more interested in your phone than your kids
a meat eater (my mother)
a hunter
a fisher
a murderer (Meat eaters are murderers.) (my mother)
an arsonist
a thief
perverted
a sex addict
a pedophile
a rapist
a human being
 

One Day at a Time

Fuck weeks, months, and years.  One day at a time is the only way I can stay sober.  It's the only way I can get through the workday.  It's the only way I can get through the day.  It's the only way I can survive.

The Loneliness of Being in the Minority

It's a lonely life to be the way I am.  I'm an atheist who thinks that meat eaters and any people (with the exception of children and the mentally disabled) who have brought people or animals into this world are cruel.  What are the chances I'll find a girlfriend that feels the same way, or will even tolerate my beliefs? 
I tell myself I shouldn't even try to find a girlfriend.  I've started to make a list of pros and cons of being in a relationship.  So far, the cons are winning.  However, when OkCupid emails me my latest "top matches," I check them out.  Logically, I shouldn't want to be in a relationship, but it can be hard to go against what is natural.  Touching (even non-sexual) is very therapeutically beneficial, and it's something I don't have in my life.     

All the Things That Get in the Way

I'm bursting with creativity
I have so much to say
but I have to take a shit
so creativity will have to wait
back at the computer
I'm ready to go
but the tea kettle is whistling
creativity will have to wait
ready to go again
but I have to pee
creativity is on pause
ready to create again
but now I'm hungry
I need to stop creating to eat
so I can make more shit
which will interrupt me again
and again and again
now I have to go to work
which will interrupt me for at least 10 hours
and when I'm home again
I will be so tired, so tired
once again, creativity will have to wait