Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker

Resumé

By Dorothy Parker

Razors pain you;

Rivers are damp;

Acids stain you;

And drugs cause cramp.

Guns aren’t lawful;

Nooses give;

Gas smells awful;

You might as well live.

Please Buy My Book

This is the cover of my book.

There are many thoughts, emotions, and experiences I could express right now, but, first and foremost, I'm asking you to please buy my book.  It's an eBook, and it is readable on Kindle, smartphones, and tablets.  It only costs a few dollars on Amazon, and it's here:
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HQSO9RO
I have no job.  I realize that many writers have had to hold down jobs to pay the bills.  The problem is I can't get one.  Even though I am a vegan, I literally became desperate enough to apply to work at McDonald's.  I did not hear back from them: at all.  I have applied for many jobs and received no reply.  I am broke and living off credit cards: going further and further into debt every time I buy necessities like food.  This is not your problem, and I'm not implying that it is.  I put a lot of work into this book, and I believe it is a very interesting and entertaining read.  It is also available on other countries' Amazon websites.  The title is American Loser: A Memoir of not Even Coming Close to Achieving the American Dream, and the author's name is Zach Murphy.
Perhaps one of the points I made in the book is valid.  The book is a memoir, but I'm a bit of a philosopher, so there's some philosophy in there too.  I've gone on quite a bit here (and elsewhere) that I think way too many people have brought way too many other people into this world.  I think 7 and a half billion (or whatever it is now-probably more) people on this planet is way, way, way too much.  Since so many people procreate, it is common, not special, to be a human being.  I believe it should be special to be a human being.  Perhaps there are only a finite number of jobs this world can offer.  Maybe people are just adding to the population in a way that's out of control and irresponsible.  You can accuse me of being a whining crybaby, but you can't accuse me of being a hypocrite when it comes to this issue.  I have never brought a baby, or animal, into this overcrowded world.  I know, that when I apply for a job, I'm probably competing against a lot of other people.  Back to the main point I was making.  I believe in the law of supply and demand.  I think it applies to people as well.  The more people there are, the less each individual is worth.  So many people apply for a job, that the employer can easily pass me over, because there are so many choices.  Because there are so many people in the world, many, like me, become disposable.
An obvious issue is that life simply isn't fair.  Some parents help their sons and daughters greatly to succeed.  They seem to feel as though if their sons and daughters have failed, then they themselves have failed.  They never give up on them.  Others do only the bare minimum when it comes to raising their kids: not really preparing them to survive in the real world at all.  And, unfortunately, far too many people come from abusive and/or incompetent families.  People have obviously been unlucky enough to have a drug-addicted prostitute for a mother.  I've had lots of thoughts about biological parenthood, but a recent one chilled me to the bone.  I simply imagined how many stupid and/or lazy people have brought babies into this world.        

GG Allin

GG Allin

If you don't know who GG Allin is, you should.  He is a hero of mine.  Human society is a joke.  Rich people stay rich.  Poor people clean their mansions and serve them in every other way.  GG Allin was a real rock and roller.  He criticized singers who tried to sound tough when they sang, and he had every right to.  Rock and roll is supposed to be dangerous.  GG Allin never forgot that; he lived it.  I used to work with a young guy who liked punk rock, which is the genre that Allin is mostly associated with.  I told him about Allin, and he wasn't impressed, which surprised and disappointed me.
GG Allin is known for his insane performances.  He might beat himself bloody.  He might start a fistfight with one or more of the audience members.  He was known to poop onstage.  He was known to throw his poop at the audience.  I'm not sure, but he may have even eaten his poop onstage.  Google GG Allin and find out about him.  He was a true original.  I also recommend the documentary Hated, which is about him, and it is great.   

Family

 
There has been much negativity posted here and with good reason.  But this one will be at least partially different.  I've been clear about my opinions when it comes to biological parents.  This is an f-upped world; therefore, it is f-upped to bring someone into it.  That being said, I'm feeling warm and fuzzy toward my mother, my grandma, and my mother's "boyfriend" (He's older than a boy.).
My car died approximately a year ago.  I don't have the money to buy another.  I could have bought one on credit, but I was really just overwhelmed by the thought of it.  Besides, I'm living on credit cards, and I'm constantly going further into debt.  I have resented my parents for bringing me into this world: especially in the way they did-2 kids fooling around and not using protection.  It's far from an ideal situation.  So I was ignoring my mother for a while.  I've ignored her for years.  But she emailed me, asked me how I was, and I honestly told her.  Not too long after, she asked me if I wanted her car.  If I did, she'd buy another one.  I needed help, so I accepted her generous offer.  After some excited waiting, I finally found out that she had bought a used car and was ready to give me her old car.
So I took the bus to New York City.  I took the subway to Queens, which is where my grandma has lived for decades.  I took the elevator to her apartment, and reunited with my mother and my grandma.  They were both kind and generous to me.  My grandma threw money at me.  Then my mother and I went to her house on Long Island.  I was exhausted, so I went to bed early.  The next day, we had a great morning.  We got along very well.  I was so appreciative of what they had done for me.  My mother let me know that grandma had made it all possible by providing her with the money to buy her car, so she could give me her old one.  My mother's boyfriend did some work on the car and told me some things I needed to know about it.
I made the trip back home a couple of days ago.  I hit crazy traffic in NYC (shocker!), but I got home safely, and now I have a car.  I am very thankful toward my grandma, mother, and her boyfriend.  I am understanding why people say family is so important.    

The Overrated List

 
1. Life-existence is the most overrated thing in the world by far.  Watch the news and see how many horrible things are happening to people and animals.  Read your history and see how people and animals have suffered through the ages.  I'll stop here because I've covered this territory before.
2. Sex-I've covered this topic before as well.  I can go into more detail, though.  Sex is very simplistic.  It's just inserting a peg into a hole: big whup.  It's amazing what people will tolerate to get some sex.  They will marry someone they don't really even like, but is attractive to them.  They'll spend tons of money in an attempt to have sex with someone.  I masturbate and don't have to put up with any of that crap.  But sex is destructive.  It ruins lives.  People are brought into this world of pain as a result of sex.  Sex is evil.  If I'm strong enough, I'll never have it again (with a partner).  Rape, child molestation, and incest are all by-products of sex.  Let's not forget STDs: like AIDS, herpes, syphilis, and gonorrhea.  It is very smart to not have sex with other people.  Just masturbate.  If you do, you'll experience the best part of sex: orgasm. 
3. Watching sports-When I was a kid, I was a huge sports fan.  However, in 1999, the Yankees won the World Series, and I felt nothing.  I was a Yankee fan.  I was watching these multimillionaires jumping around like children, and it did nothing for me.  They had reason to celebrate.  They were being paid very, very well to play a kid's game.  Recently, Derek Jeter retired.  The media made a big deal about it.  People were thanking him.  I got some news for ya.  He's already been thanked: with millions of dollars and he's been banging hotties!  It's so pathetic to me that people who are just getting by financially are rooting so hard for these millionaires and feel like when they win, WE win.  We?  You didn't win.  The millionaires won.
4. Marriage-I've never been married, and I have no plans to do so.  I think I have a good excuse.  By the time I was 13, my mother had been divorced twice.  If 2 people need to break up, NOTHING should stop it.  Let's be real.  Marriage has contributed to domestic violence.  There's no doubt.  Women have certainly thought, "I should leave him, but we're MARRIED."  It only led to more violence: or murder.               

Poetry

I did not write these poems. 

Richard Cory

By Edwin Arlington Robinson

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,

We people on the pavement looked at him:

He was a gentleman from sole to crown,

Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,

And he was always human when he talked;

But still he fluttered pulses when he said,

"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich—yes, richer than a king—

And admirably schooled in every grace:

In fine, we thought that he was everything

To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,

And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;

And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,

Went home and put a bullet through his head. 

This Be The Verse

By Philip Larkin

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.   

    They may not mean to, but they do.   

They fill you with the faults they had

    And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn

    By fools in old-style hats and coats,   

Who half the time were soppy-stern

    And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.

    It deepens like a coastal shelf.

Get out as early as you can,

    And don’t have any kids yourself.

Thank god for Suicide

 
I don't capitalize god.  If he or she doesn't like it, he or she can put a lightning bolt through my head.  Come on, god!  I dare ya!  I dare you to put a lightning bolt through me head.  Yeah, that's what I thought.  Kiss my ass.
Anyway, suicide is a necessary evil.  I'm so glad it exists.  It's always there: 24 hours a day and 7 days a week.  I can end my pain at any time.  It's a real comfort to know I can do it, and I can do it in a number of ways.  Variety is the spice of life (and death).  I've pondered suicide quite a bit.  I know it's ugly.  I don't want to do it.  But, according to my beliefs, it effectively ends pain.  One of the things that keeps me from doing it is imagining my body trying to survive.  I think of suicide as the mind killing the body.  The mind attempts to kill the body, but the body struggles to survive.  It thrashes around on the end of a noose and tries to not drown.  Everyday, I try to take good care of my body.  I hate the thought of killing it.  So I don't want to kill myself.  But life sucks.  I don't understand how people can start a whole business by printing "Life is good." on T-shirts (and whatnot) and be successful.  Life is not good.  I feel like I'm living in a Twilight Zone episode.  Most people are miserable, but they say they're happy and life is good. 
Another example of a necessary evil is abortion.  I was definitely born too late.  If I had been conceived in 1974 (or later), I probably would have been aborted.  I would have avoided so much pain: past, present, and future.  I was the unwanted result of teenage sex.  I'm pro-choice.  Countless people have avoided unfathomable amounts of pain because their lives were nipped in the bud.  Because I've had so little sex, and some luck, I've never gotten a woman pregnant.  It really is important to always be learning and progressing.  I saw an excellent documentary on abortion.  I thought I was all for it.  Then I saw the aftermath of one.  I saw the baby body parts on the doctor's tray.  I saw an arm and a head with at least one eye.  It didn't make me agree with the pro-life people, but it helped me understand them more.  Abortion is necessary, but it's ugly.     

I'm a Mess

It's true.  I'm a mess.  I don't fit into this world.  I'm not the normal person, and I don't want to be.  The normal person gets married, brings children into this wicked world, and aspires to have the best landscaping on their block.  And, of course, they want to have more money than anyone they know.  I must be crazy, I think the life of one mouse is worth more than all the money in the world, and I stand by that sentiment.
By the way, I was sure about it, and now I'm super-sure about it.  It is cruel for people to bring people and animals into this world.  This is why.  Animals bring other animals into the world, and that's fine.  They are just following natural instincts and urges.  It's completely possible that no animal has ever made the connection between sex and procreation.  They have sex because they are driven to do so.  But humans know what life has to offer on this planet: pain, depression, suicide, bullying, sickness, disease, suffering, paralysis, loss of limbs, rape, pedophilia, war, murder, violence, incest, torture, terrorism, loss of loved ones, deterioration of mind and body due to aging, and death.  But even though we're aware of all this misery, most of us choose to bring people into the world.  I've never brought anyone into the world, and I'll never want to.  Just because it's been done to me, that doesn't make it okay for me to do it to someone else.  I suppose that's what a lot of biological parents are thinking.  "It's good enough for me, so it's good enough for you."     
I can't believe I forgot to post last week.  It was shocking for me to realize that.  I blame being a mess and drinking on that.
I survive mostly for the sake of others.  I am ready to die.  I think life sucks; it's a lot more unhappiness than happiness.  But I try to survive, because I want to help animals, many of whom are living in a hell that's much worse than mine.  I also want to convince people to not bring other people and animals into this world of pain, misery, and violence.  So I have a reason to live, but how much pain can I endure?    

God Never Existed

What god would have allowed this to happen?

I've previously written about things I think are backwards.  Two of them bother me every day.  I believe most people should be vegetarians or vegans: not meat eaters.  And I think most people should not bring other kids into the world: not the other way around.
This, to me, is the third most obvious example of a way in which human society is backward: belief in god.  There are people out there who believe every word of the bible.  That is scary.  The bible is full of nonsense.  All sorts of things happened in the bible that cannot be proven in the real world.  So, yes, I think it makes more sense to not believe in god than to believe in him.
I believe that god was created out of fear and ignorance.  It makes sense for primitive people to believe in him, because they were afraid.  They wanted to think some big guy in the clouds had their backs.  It also helped explain things they didn't understand (It's god's will.).  But, in this day and age, I think it makes no sense for sensible people to believe in god.  We should know that horrible things happen to people, and animals, everyday, and that no god is watching anyone's back.  Also, we have science to explain things.
Belief in god is called "faith," because there is no evidence god ever existed.  There is no proof, so you must have faith.  These are the reasons I think people say they believe in god: they are afraid, they are mentally disabled, they are followers, they want to belong, they're afraid of being left out, and they're liars.  Yes, liars.  In America, you can't be the president if you don't believe in god.  We have had some very intelligent presidents: Nixon, Clinton, Obama.  Perhaps one, or all three, of them did not believe in god, but they wanted to be president, so they lied about it.
I think that truly believing in god is a form of mental illness, and this is coming from someone who has depression and OCD.
Religion seems to be responsible for so much misery.  Everyone knows about 9/11, Isis, and radical Islam, but, in the past, Christians certainly did their share of conquering.  I think we'd be better off ditching all religion and worshiping Mother Nature and all her animals instead.  Focus on the real and not the imaginary.           

Sex is Overrated

Sex really is overrated.  Have you ever thought about how simple it is?  It is the act of inserting a pole into a hole.  It doesn't get much more simpler than that.  Yet people go bananas over sex.  It's somewhat understandable.  We're hardwired to want to have sex and procreate.  That's how the species continues.  I'm a big fan of hot women.  Last night, I watched a movie in which Gwyneth Paltrow was wearing black lingerie.  It was hot.
On the other hand, we have intellect and reasoning.  We can choose.  We can waste a lot of time and money chasing people to have sex with, or we can masturbate whenever we want to (within reason).  I'm a big fan of masturbation.  I do it nearly every day.  If I wasn't on Prozac, I'd probably do it more.  I find Prozac to be a bit of a sex drive reducer.  Masturbation is great.  It cuts to the chase.  What's the best part about sex?  Orgasm, of course.  That's what jerking off is all about.  As a matter of fact, I jacked off to the aforementioned scene in which Gwyneth Paltrow was cavorting about in black lingerie.  It was very satisfying.    
Sex can lead to unwanted pregnancy.  This leads to kids being born that aren't really wanted.  This leads to lives full of pain.  Sex can lead to diseases: like AIDS, chlamydia, herpes, and gonorrhea.  If one can't keep their urge under control, one might rape, which can ruin the lives of the victim and the rapist.  Some people are sexually attracted to children.  If they act on this attraction, more lives will be marred.  Countless lives have been ruined by sex.
I've written this here before, but I'm so glad I've never gotten a woman pregnant.  I'm so glad I've never brought someone into this cruel world to suffer.  I'm sure I'll never want to.  Too many people, and animals, have suffered horrible existences in this cold world of brutality.
My advice to you is to realize the ways in which sex can ruin your life and the lives of others.  Protected sex is preferable to unprotected sex, but protection can fail.  The only sure way to avoid unwanted pregnancy and STDs is to abstain from having sex.  Fear of getting a woman pregnant is part of the reason why I didn't have sex from the ages of 27-44: 17 years.  I have no regrets about that.          

I hate pooping!

Nothing to do with pooping, but it should be seen.

Oh!  I hate pooping so much!  The thrill is gone, and it's been gone for a long time now.  Although, I never get tired of looking at my poop.  I could look at my poop forever and ever and ever and ever.  I hate wiping my ass; that's for sure!  I have OCD, and one of the ways it manifests itself is with excessive ass wiping.  I will wipe, wipe, wipe until I see NOTHING (except for blood, which I've seen on toilet paper plenty of times after wiping) on the toilet paper. 
What a waste of time it is!  I've spent so much of my life pooping and wiping my ass.  Some people are really into juicing.  I Googled, "If you only drink juice, will you still poop?"  The answer, unfortunately, is yes.  The consensus was that you'll have a little, wet poop, but you will poop.  It seems like there's just no way around pooping.  It is a necessary evil.
Also as a result of OCD, I hate pooping anywhere but my home.  I hate pooping regardless, but I despise doing it anywhere else but home.  Public restrooms are gross.  I barely tolerate peeing there.  Those places are germ festivals.  I wear long-sleeved shirts: even in the summer.  The main reason I do it is becasue it covers my arms, so I don't have to put sunscreen on them, which saves both time and money.  But there's another advantage as well.  Whenever I have to grab a handle to enter or exit a public restroom, I touch it with a shirtsleeve instead of my skin.
Ever think about how much poop comes out of all the asses, human and animal, in one day?  It must be tons' worth.  So much poop.  A crazy amount of poop.  There's no doubt in my mind that people have killed themselves because they didn't want to poop, or wipe, anymore.  It's one more thing about life that sucks.
It's amazing to me that people are so sex crazy.  I'm not.  A beautiful woman looks great, but, first of all, she probably won't be into my bald loser ass, and, secondly, she farts and poops, which is gross.  So keep it all in perspective.  The most beautiful people in the world fart and poop out the stink.  They're just like you and me in that regard.