Bumpkin the Impaler

Godspeed Flopsy; you'll be missed

I have sad news: very sad news indeed.   Bumpkin officially earned the moniker "Bumpkin the Impaler" when she impaled Flopsy the bunny with a sharpened stick.  Poor Flopsy.  Bumpkin only did it so she could write her name on the sidewalk using Flopsy's blood.  This could have been avoided if I had followed Bumpkin's order to write her name in blood.  But I would have had to spill the blood of another to do that, so it was a no-win situation for me.  But guess what?  Bumpkin forgot to dot the "i" in her name!  She nagged me about it; then she forgot to do it herself.  Oh well, she's just a baby groundhog; I suppose I should cut her some slack.  But only as far as misspelling goes, not impalings!  Impalings are wrong!  Bad Bumpkin!
Come to think of it, I better sneak out tonight and dot the "i" with some ketchup.  I'm worried that, once she notices her gaffe, she'll kill again just for the blood to dot the "i."
By the way, it's been confirmed.  It's my fault.  It happened just as I had suspected.  When I chose the perfect name for a baby groundhog, it opened a hole in the ground that allowed the netherworld to bestow Bumpkin with all the evil powers she would ever need.  As I feared, whenever you attach a perfectly cute name to a perfectly cute baby groundhog, there's a chance that you've created a perfectly powerful monster.
I know I should try to end Bumpkin's reign of terror before it goes any further, but I don't think I can do that.  Sure, I created her, well, I didn't create her, her mama, Sheila, and I think the scrawny groundhog created her via conception, but I am responsible for the evil superpowers she possesses.  I know Gregory Peck tried to take his own son out in The Omen, but that was just a movie.  That wasn't real.  Besides, I don't stand a chance against Bumpkin; she'd eat me for breakfast.  I couldn't hurt something that cute anyway.  And that's exactly why she'll succeed in her evil ways.  Her cuteness will allow her to get away with anything and everything.