Life Is (Sept. 28, 2017)

Life is two twelve-year-old boys finding the body of a man who had put his head on a rail just before a mighty train wheel crushed it, because that is the sort of world they were brought into.

Everyday, Acceptable Evil

Today, as I was browsing Twitter, looking to return the likes and retweets of those who had liked and retweeted things I wrote on my "animal liberation" twitter account, which is here: https://twitter.com/TheBaldVegan ,I saw horrible images of animals suffering at the hands of humans.  I had seen such images before, of course; it's why I became a vegan.  Nevertheless, they are horrible images.  One video bothered me especially.  It showed a chick hung upside down by her feet: moving along in a factory-like setting.  I've seen stuff like that before: chicks on conveyor belts: literally being treated like they are things: not living, breathing earthlings.  Not only are they treating animals like that; they are baby animals!!!  Evil!!!
When people treat animals horribly, it is evil.  That's the right word.  We have every advantage over them.  They are the underdogs.  It is the same thing as a large man imprisoning, beating, and torturing a tiny, young child repeatedly: with no relief.  Animals like pigs, cows, and chickens are helpless against evil people.  They only have the rights we choose to give to them.  Pets get some (not enough), and "food" animals get nearly none.  If people knew about the Holocaust and supported it financially, there'd be no question that they were evil.  They'd be tried as war criminals, and they'd probably be executed.  But that's what meat eaters routinely do.  Every time they buy meat, they support the holocaust against animals.  They support heinous animal cruelty.  And it's so acceptable, that many of them don't even feel badly about it. 
I mentioned here that a couple of coworkers wanted to have dinner with me.  I said okay, but only if they agreed to at least eat vegetarian that meal.  They refused indignantly.  How dare I ask them to eat vegetarian for one meal!  That's completely unreasonable!  I certainly wasn't willing to compromise my principles, so I didn't join them.  At work, I have to be around people that are eating meat.  I refuse to do it in my free time. 
Even though it happened years ago, I still recall this incident when I went out to eat with some coworkers.  One of them ordered a meat dish, but he didn't finish it.  He left a pile of beef on his plate.  It didn't bother him at all that the flesh was going to be tossed into the trash.  He was smiling, laughing, and having a great time.  That really bothered me.  I think people eating meat is wrong, but I despise when they waste it.  It is so disrespectful to the suffering the animals, that were the source of that meat, were forced to endure.
I'm not popular.  I have no friends.  There are plenty of coworkers I don't talk to.  Why should I?  They eat meat with smiles on their faces.  I saw a coworker dancing while he was eating chicken: so disrespectful.  They contribute to the suffering of animals without a second thought.  They are evil.
And the literary expression of my anger, depression, and frustration about animal crutelty is Veganman, which is here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZSHNT5I                

It's Gonna Kill Me

The mad dash before work: hurriedly grabbing keys, sunglasses, and other things.  Time just before you need to leave for work goes fastest.  I hate driving.  It is so stressful.  Every time I'm passing someone's car on the highway, I'm worried that he or she, not seeing my car, will change lanes and hit mine.  An old guy almost did that to me recently.  His car nearly hit mine, but he saw it just in time.  My car has hydroplaned several times: terrifying.
Yesterday, I was waiting to make a right turn.  The approaching car was making a right turn, so I thought that would be my opportunity to make the turn, because the driver behind the one making the turn would certainly slow down for the car in front of him, but that didn't happen.  I ended up cutting off that driver a little, which resulted in him giving me the finger.  I gave him the finger.  A little further down the road, as I was waiting to make a left turn, he honked his horn as he passed me, so I could see him give me the finger again.  I flipped him off again.  I was very angry.  I was thinking how I could quickly communicate to him that I wanted to beat the shit out of him.  I've seen plenty of accidents and road rage incidents.
It seems like virtually all my problems are society related.  I hate my job.  I hate my neighbors.  For the most part, I hate people.  A meat-eating biological parent that believes in god is someone that I really don't relate to.  Why am I here?  Why am I in my apt, where I don't want to be, getting ready for work, where I don't want to go?  My writing gives me a little bit of hope.  I have written 3 books, which, of course, have generated very little interest, but that can change, I tell myself.  Yeah, right.  Most people don't read.  Should I start taking antidepressants again?  Is that what life is all about?  Taking unnatural medications so you can tolerate life in a shitty, human-made society? 
I'm thinking that maybe I should just leave it all to live in the wilderness: not live as a homeless person in a city; that seems horrible.  No, truly living in the wilderness.  My neighbors have chased me out of my apt on my days off, and I've been spending more time in nature as a result.  It feels good to be there; it feels right.  I believe that is how we're supposed to live.  Society hasn't improved life; it's ruined it for many.  Of course, I'm a have not.  Wealthy people probably love life in our society.  They have poor bastards like me doing everything for them: like cleaning.  But, for someone like me, I don't think it's a good deal to live in civilization. 
Civilization, another joke of a human word.  Humans are a nightmare: an incredibly violent species that terrorizes, on a massive scale, animals, the environment, and each other.  It's civilized to support horrific animal cruelty by buying meat and leather.  It's civilized to bring people into the world to suffer.  It's civilized to worship gods, that never existed, like a fucking Neanderthal.  It's civilized to pretend that life in society is great, and you're so happy in it, even if you're miserable.  Don't complain.  Whiners are weiners.  Don't rock the boat.
There are problems with living in nature.  Can I get by without showers and toilet paper?  It seems like those things would be the hardest to live without.  Bugs are also a problem.  They are very annoying.  I think I'll start reading books about living off the grid.  All I'd need for entertainment is a library card.  If I ever just walk away from my apt and job, I'd make sure to pack one very important item: the rope I bought, to hang myself with, years ago.  If things didn't work out, I could hang myself from a tree in the middle of nowhere.      

Praying Is Lazy

I touched on this the last time.  First of all, as usual, leaving children and the mentally disabled out of the equation, belief in god works as a basic intelligence test.  If you believe in god, you are not intelligent.  If you don't believe in god, then you might be intelligent. 
Praying is lazy.  Instead of getting off your ass and really doing something for someone, you can just think, "God, please help Gladys."  That's it.  You're done.  Mission accomplished.  You didn't have to get off the couch.  You didn't even have stop stuffing your face with bonbons as though they were going to be discontinued tomorrow. 
This douchebag customer came into my workplace recently.  He's a very talkative piece of shit that has nothing interesting to say.  One day, he came in and told a shitty story.  He had been waiting in line.  An old woman said something about Jesus.  The douchebag said something like, "Well, I'll pray for you right now."  And, according to him, the woman was so fucking surprised and happy.  He finished with this stupid look on his face, that was probably supposed to convey, "Isn't that an incredibly great story?"  Fuck, no.  It's one of the shittiest stories I ever heard.  Perhaps the woman was lonely.  Maybe she needed someone to do things for her that she can't do anymore.  Maybe she needed someone to just spend some time with her.  But, no, that would require time and effort!  Just think, or say, a quick prayer, and you're done!
My mother told me, at least once I can recall, that she was praying for me.  Thanks for nothing.  I could pray that I have intelligent, successful, competent, and caring parents, but that ain't gonna happen. 
Jim Kelly, who is a former pro (American) football player, has had bouts with cancer.  I remember him, on TV, thanking people for their support.  Not sure if I remember exactly what he said, but the important parts, for this subject, are intact.  He thanked them for their cards, messages, and prayers, and, he added, "especially the prayers."  That annoyed me.  If someone is sending a card, or even just posting something on social media, then they're putting in more effort than someone who is just praying.  If you want to do something without doing anything, then pray.   

Fuck the Norm!

You buy and eat meat.  Do you ever think that it's wrong to support animal cruelty?  I don't know.  You eat, and talk about, your favorite meat dishes with a smile on your face.  It seems like you don't care about the animals you're eating.  But most people are doing it.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!  It's cruel! 
You have brought 4 kids into this world.  Look around.  Watch the news.  Study the history of the world.  This is an extremely violent planet!  It is full of pain, despair, misery, loneliness, disease, depression, suicide, war, terrorism, harassment, bullying, molestation, rape, murder, and death.  But most people have kids.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!  It's cruel to bring someone into this world to suffer!
You litter.  You don't recycle.  You don't give a fuck about the environment.  You think it's funny to say things like, "Hey, when it (the Earth) all goes to shit, I'll be dead by then."  You're worthless trash!  Hey, rich fucks, if us poor fucks round these assholes up, will you launch their worthless asses into space?  And, once there, we can just let them float away, to their deaths, with no space suits.  Fuck the norm! 
You believe in god.  You even believe every word of the bible, which is stupid, because it's a ridiculous story: full of crap that doesn't happen in the real world.  You pray for someone, and you're proud of yourself: absurd!  Pray for someone, and you've done NOTHING!  It's so lazy!  It's just a thought.  You're proud of yourself for thinking a nice thought about somebody?  How about getting off your fat ass and DOING something, you lazy, stupid fuck!  But most people (supposedly) believe in god.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!  It's fucking stupid!  In thousands of years of human existence, there has been zero proof that god exists! 
To be sung to the tune of "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" (Wang Chung song)-
"Everybody look at your phone, everybody be a mindless drone
Everybody look at your phone, and be a mindless fucking drone
You're a mindless fucking drone, because you're ruled by your phone"
You have a smartphone, and you love it.  Every chance you get, your face is in that phone.  I've seen parents paying more attention to their phones than their young children: plenty of times!  The phones are taking over!  They are ruling their masters, because they are smarter, and superior, to them.  Don't allow a device to hypnotize you!  Get off of Facebook for a bit!  It's mostly garbage!  I reconnected with my aforementioned "frenemy" because of Facebook, and he's a bad influence.  He got me back into drinking and smoking weed.  I was better off without him, and now he's back where he belongs: out of my life!  Here's an idea.  Keep your face in your phone for too long, and people have the right to punch your typical face!  Fuck you!  This culture has turned to shit, because legions of you have your faces in your phones 24/fucking/7!  But most people have their stupid, typical faces in their phones all the fucking time.  It's the norm.  Fuck the norm!!!!!!     

Life Is (9/18/17)

Life is seeing a deformed squirrel on the way to your car before leaving for work.  It looked as though she was the victim of fire: specifically on her head.  At least half her head appeared to have been badly burned.  I stopped and looked at her.  She was close to me on a tree.  "What happened to you?" I asked.  I don't think she heard me.  I think her ear, and eye, on the side that was facing me had been roasted to the point of being defective.  She turned, probably became aware of me for the first time, and became scared: climbing away from me a little.  The affected area really looked like the skin of a human burn victim.  I'm pretty sure she's half blind (and probably half deaf too).  How did that happen?  Did someone set her head on fire?  Again, why should I want to live with all this suffering occurring everyday in this world of pain and carnage? 

Words

Words are all you have.  The only way in which you make sacrifices are with the words you use.  You have criticized me, plenty of times, for things I have said.  You are a politically correct pussy in that regard.  But you're not consistent.  You utilize a double standard that favors you every time.  One day, you'll yell at me for something I said.  The next, you'll say something that's essentially the same thing, but you said it, and that makes it okay, because you, according to you, are perfect.
It got to the point where, when you would criticize me for something I said, I'd remind you that I haven't spent any money on meat, milk, or eggs since 2002.  I refuse to support the ultra-cruel meat industry, the slaughterhouse.  "That has nothing to do with it," you'd respond.  Oh, but it does.  You say that because you eat meat.  You care much more about yourself than the animals you're eating.  When you buy meat, you're paying people to keep animals in concentration-camp-like conditions.  You're paying them to kill the animals too.  That is much, much, much, much, much worse than anything I can say.  What would you rather deal with?  Someone saying something that you don't like or being put into a concentration camp to suffer until you're murdered?
Then there's another one of my major issues: procreation.  I've never brought someone into this wicked world, but you have.  You have a beautiful young daughter.  You have put photos of her, wearing yoga pants, on Facebook.  Did it ever occur to you that perverts might be drooling over those pictures?  Did it ever occur to you that some of them might stalk her?  I don't care if that's what everybody else is doing; I think it's incredibly stupid.  Now she's off to college.  Have you ever seen the documentary The Hunting Ground?  It's about the huge problem of rape on college campuses.  Have you told her about the date-rape drug, Rohypnol?  She should know about these things. 
I haven't eaten exactly what I want to since 2002.  I've never experienced the joy of holding my own child, because I refuse to bring anyone into this incredibly violent world of pain, misery, and death.  The only sacrifices you make involve not saying certain words.  That's nothing.            

I'd Rather Be Dead

That's my idea of a bumper sticker.  A popular bumper sticker is "I'd rather be fishing."  I wonder if mine could catch on. 
I think death is better than life.  With death, all the shit that bothers you just goes away.  Perhaps anything that brings me closer to death is a good thing.  My neighbors make me want to be dead.  I've had to listen to their too-loud TV coming through the wall for hours today.  They've ruined yet another one of my days off from work.  Shitting and wiping my ass brings me closer to death.  I hate it. 
My neighbors would probably love it if I killed myself.  That's not a very pleasant thought, but it's a real one.  But that's another great thing about death.  You're not even capable of caring what people think about you.  Even if you wanted to, you couldn't.   
I've tried to get help for depression.  I might get strangled by red tape.  I have to wait till 1/1/18 to get healthcare from my job.  I've tried to get it from the gov't's website, but I keep getting stuck at a certain spot, and I'm pretty sure it's their fault, not mine. 
I'm having trouble typing today, so I suppose I'll wrap it up.  I'm having a bad day.  I'm having a bad life.

No Escape

Even if I was able to get my depression under control, there would still be the pain to endure.  There is no escape from the pain.  It follows me everywhere.  What can I do?  Become addicted to opioids?
I've come up with some plans.  One of them is to prepare for a cross-country trip.  I haven't seen much of America; I've never been to Chicago, for instance.  I'd need a laptop and an IPod.  I'd put much of my music onto the IPod, so I can bring it with me on the trip.  The laptop would be for looking up directions, finding vegan restaurants, etc.  Most importantly, I'd bring a rope, which I already have.  When the money ran out, or I was just ready, I'd hang myself.  Perhaps I'll plan a trip with a final destination of Alaska.  I want to see it.  Maybe I'll hang myself from a tree in the middle of nowhere there. 
Or I could just quit my job and stay home.  And when the money ran out, or I was ready, I'd have at least a couple of choices.  As I've mentioned before, if I can just drink some antifreeze, then that could spur me to jump off a nearby bridge or hang myself.  And once I started drinking antifreeze, I could "treat" myself.  I could, for the first time since 2002, allow myself to purchase non-vegan (vegetarian) foods: like Reese's peanut butter cups, my favorite candy.  I could also allow myself to drink again, which would add to the depression, and, quite possibly speed up the suicidal process, because I'm sure that life is shit and not worth living.   
 

Buuny, 1 Hawk, 0

That isn't a typo.  I took a picture of a hawk eating a bunny.  I presume the hawk killed the bunny.  However, because the bunny is dead, he or she will suffer no more.  Only the living suffer.  What sort of life did she have anyway?  Hopping around, eating grass, hanging out, and sleeping?
Although I just saw an interesting documentary last night called Love Thy Nature.  Once again, the benefits of a natural, whole foods, plant-based (vegan) diet were extolled.  That's a goal of mine: to eat no processed foods.  Sugar is the great Satan.  I'm so lazy, though.  It's so easy to open a bag of chips.  I have to at least try it, though.  It could work as a natural antidepressant.  Wouldn't have to cook or wash pots and pans either.  This film also suggested that we're happier when we're outside: not on a busy street in a city, but in nature.  I had suspected that.  Since I finished my book, which there hasn't been any interest in yet, that is here: https://www.amazon.com/Farts-Literature-featuring-Bald-D-Bag-ebook/dp/B074MCFPVD/ref=sr_1_2?s=digita I've got more time to spend outside, so I think I'll do that. 
Another missing part of the happiness equation for me is friends; I have none.  Though I feel like all the world's animals are my friends.  It is my goal, at work, to pet at least one dog a day, and, most of the time, I'm able to do that.  The best thing, by far, about my job is that dogs are allowed to be there.  Coworkers have also brought in a cat and a ferret. 
I am alone.  Yesterday, I went to a library that's fairly far away.  I went for a walk along the Erie Canal.  There was some sort of an event going on.  There were a lot of people around, and a band was playing loud music.  I didn't know that would be happening.  If I had, I might have avoided it.  All those people, socializing with their friends and family members, made me feel extra lonely.