Processed Food Is the Devil

Had a bunch of cookies for breakfast today and felt like shit afterward.  I also was tired, and the coffee didn't wake me up.  For a while now, I've wanted to eliminate sugar and processed foods from my diet.  Obviously, it's quite a challenge.  But I think about the crap that I eat, and I don't even really like it.  I haven't been liking coffee either, so I'll try to quit that too.  I might as well go for it.
There's another benefit too.  Ever since a mouse woke me by nibbling at a bag of chips, I've been hanging foods like that from my doorknobs, which sucks.  I've had as many as 5 plastic bags hanging from my doorknobs: trying to keep those processed foods away from mice.  Now I'm down to 2 bags: soon, hopefully, to be none.
All the "good mood" foods are whole foods like fruits, veggies, and beans.  So who know how much better I can feel if I do it?     

Freak Off the Leash

Imagine those full, sensual lips on your vajidoodle.

Sex Is Disgusting

I would have made a great Puritan (except for being an atheist), because I believe sex is dirty.  However, they thought it was dirty figuratively, while, as far as I'm concerned, it's literally dirty.
The vagina is located perilously close to the bunghole.  So, what so many men, and women, want to do so badly, is to put their genitalia, and mouths (!), a few inches away from an asshole!  Gross!  There are plenty of people out there who fuck, and lick (!!), assholes!  Beyond gross!  Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Making out is gross too.  Tongues are like slugs.  Why would I want my slug to mingle with yours?  Even the tongues of hotties are slug-like.  Mouths are full of spit: so disgusting. 
Regardless, because, like everyone, I am hardwired to want sex, I do.  But I only want legitimate hotties, and they, do to my age, baldness, and financial situation (to name but a few reasons), certainly don't want me.  But, as I just mentioned, I'm not missing out on much.  And women expect to be wined and dined, etc.  If a woman was coming over, I'd have to do a shitload of cleaning.  It's not worth the effort.  I hate cleaning; I only do the bare minimum.  So I live like a slob.  And what are the chances I'd find a vegan I'm attracted to?  I don't think I can be with a meat-eating woman.  It probably just wouldn't work. 
I masturbate virtually every day.  And when I do, I fantasize about the women that I'm very unlikely to seduce, like Jennifer Lawrence.  So why should I settle for a woman that I'm not really attracted to, when, in my mind, I'm having sex with women like J Law?     

Things I've Heard

Life sucks.
Life is hard.
Life's a bitch.
Life is pain.
Nobody ever said life is fair.
Stop the world; I want to get off!
"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." (Friedrich Nietzsche)
Growing old ain't for sissies. (The horrible implication is obvious.  Getting old means more pain, weakness, vulnerability, deterioration of the body and mind, less independence, possibly being put in a "home."  I went with my ex-girlfriend to the hospital where her mother was spending her last days.  It was horrible: a nightmare.  Frail, desperately lonely elderly people waiting for death.  Impending death was in the air; it was palpable: a horrifying experience.  I had to leave before she did: waiting for her outside in nature: glorious nature, I needed it's natural antidepressant qualities quite badly after that.  This is how life ends for many.  Let that be a grim warning to all you parents out there.  It makes sense that, the shittier the parent, the less your kids are going to want to help you when you need it so badly in your old age.)
"It's the terror of knowing what the world is about, watching some good friends screaming, 'Let me out'" (from "Under Pressure" by David Bowie and Freddy Mercury)
"I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.  That's the two categories.  The horrible are like terminal cases and blind people, crippled, I don't know how they get through life.  It's amazing to me.  And the miserable is everyone else." (from Annie Hall by Woody Allen)

If these things are known and true, and they are, then why bring others into the world to suffer?
 

Waiting for the Bus

Yesterday, as I was driving around, I noticed 2 men who were waiting for a bus.  They were both black men.  The second one I saw was sitting on a bench and, not surprisingly, staring at a smartphone.  The first one I saw was standing and looking down the road: presumably for a bus.  My heart went out to him; he was waiting for the bus: the bus that may never come.

No Explanation

He's a choosy toosy, he just choosy what he please.
He doesn't like his V caps, but he loves his cheddar cheese.

Plans

If I'm finally able to kill myself, these are some potential plans.  The first is to bring a bottle of acetaminophen and a water bottle full of antifreeze to a nearby bridge.  I'll find a discreet spot to eat a lot of acetaminophen and wash it down with antifreeze.  Then, knowing that both acetaminophen and antifreeze deaths are extremely painful, I'm hoping that knowledge would give me the courage to jump off the bridge.  I'd be fucked anyway, so I might as well.  It only takes a moment of courage (or insanity) to jump to one's death. 
Another plan has me putting my head on a rail so a train wheel can crush it.  That takes some kind of courage or insanity, though.  Although, again, a toxic diet might help me find the courage or insanity.  There is a place where I walk, along the Eric Canal, that is close to train tracks, and a lot of trains pass by there.
Hanging myself was the first method I thought of.  But I've tried to hang myself before, and it didn't work out.  Success depends on getting the logistics right, or you can end up on your toes, like I did.  However, young children have hanged themselves, and, if they can do it, so can I.

Life Is (Sept. 28, 2017)

Life is two twelve-year-old boys finding the body of a man who had put his head on a rail just before a mighty train wheel crushed it, because that is the sort of world they were brought into.

Everyday, Acceptable Evil

Today, as I was browsing Twitter, looking to return the likes and retweets of those who had liked and retweeted things I wrote on my "animal liberation" twitter account, which is here: https://twitter.com/TheBaldVegan ,I saw horrible images of animals suffering at the hands of humans.  I had seen such images before, of course; it's why I became a vegan.  Nevertheless, they are horrible images.  One video bothered me especially.  It showed a chick hung upside down by her feet: moving along in a factory-like setting.  I've seen stuff like that before: chicks on conveyor belts: literally being treated like they are things: not living, breathing earthlings.  Not only are they treating animals like that; they are baby animals!!!  Evil!!!
When people treat animals horribly, it is evil.  That's the right word.  We have every advantage over them.  They are the underdogs.  It is the same thing as a large man imprisoning, beating, and torturing a tiny, young child repeatedly: with no relief.  Animals like pigs, cows, and chickens are helpless against evil people.  They only have the rights we choose to give to them.  Pets get some (not enough), and "food" animals get nearly none.  If people knew about the Holocaust and supported it financially, there'd be no question that they were evil.  They'd be tried as war criminals, and they'd probably be executed.  But that's what meat eaters routinely do.  Every time they buy meat, they support the holocaust against animals.  They support heinous animal cruelty.  And it's so acceptable, that many of them don't even feel badly about it. 
I mentioned here that a couple of coworkers wanted to have dinner with me.  I said okay, but only if they agreed to at least eat vegetarian that meal.  They refused indignantly.  How dare I ask them to eat vegetarian for one meal!  That's completely unreasonable!  I certainly wasn't willing to compromise my principles, so I didn't join them.  At work, I have to be around people that are eating meat.  I refuse to do it in my free time. 
Even though it happened years ago, I still recall this incident when I went out to eat with some coworkers.  One of them ordered a meat dish, but he didn't finish it.  He left a pile of beef on his plate.  It didn't bother him at all that the flesh was going to be tossed into the trash.  He was smiling, laughing, and having a great time.  That really bothered me.  I think people eating meat is wrong, but I despise when they waste it.  It is so disrespectful to the suffering the animals, that were the source of that meat, were forced to endure.
I'm not popular.  I have no friends.  There are plenty of coworkers I don't talk to.  Why should I?  They eat meat with smiles on their faces.  I saw a coworker dancing while he was eating chicken: so disrespectful.  They contribute to the suffering of animals without a second thought.  They are evil.
And the literary expression of my anger, depression, and frustration about animal crutelty is Veganman, which is here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ZSHNT5I                

It's Gonna Kill Me

The mad dash before work: hurriedly grabbing keys, sunglasses, and other things.  Time just before you need to leave for work goes fastest.  I hate driving.  It is so stressful.  Every time I'm passing someone's car on the highway, I'm worried that he or she, not seeing my car, will change lanes and hit mine.  An old guy almost did that to me recently.  His car nearly hit mine, but he saw it just in time.  My car has hydroplaned several times: terrifying.
Yesterday, I was waiting to make a right turn.  The approaching car was making a right turn, so I thought that would be my opportunity to make the turn, because the driver behind the one making the turn would certainly slow down for the car in front of him, but that didn't happen.  I ended up cutting off that driver a little, which resulted in him giving me the finger.  I gave him the finger.  A little further down the road, as I was waiting to make a left turn, he honked his horn as he passed me, so I could see him give me the finger again.  I flipped him off again.  I was very angry.  I was thinking how I could quickly communicate to him that I wanted to beat the shit out of him.  I've seen plenty of accidents and road rage incidents.
It seems like virtually all my problems are society related.  I hate my job.  I hate my neighbors.  For the most part, I hate people.  A meat-eating biological parent that believes in god is someone that I really don't relate to.  Why am I here?  Why am I in my apt, where I don't want to be, getting ready for work, where I don't want to go?  My writing gives me a little bit of hope.  I have written 3 books, which, of course, have generated very little interest, but that can change, I tell myself.  Yeah, right.  Most people don't read.  Should I start taking antidepressants again?  Is that what life is all about?  Taking unnatural medications so you can tolerate life in a shitty, human-made society? 
I'm thinking that maybe I should just leave it all to live in the wilderness: not live as a homeless person in a city; that seems horrible.  No, truly living in the wilderness.  My neighbors have chased me out of my apt on my days off, and I've been spending more time in nature as a result.  It feels good to be there; it feels right.  I believe that is how we're supposed to live.  Society hasn't improved life; it's ruined it for many.  Of course, I'm a have not.  Wealthy people probably love life in our society.  They have poor bastards like me doing everything for them: like cleaning.  But, for someone like me, I don't think it's a good deal to live in civilization. 
Civilization, another joke of a human word.  Humans are a nightmare: an incredibly violent species that terrorizes, on a massive scale, animals, the environment, and each other.  It's civilized to support horrific animal cruelty by buying meat and leather.  It's civilized to bring people into the world to suffer.  It's civilized to worship gods, that never existed, like a fucking Neanderthal.  It's civilized to pretend that life in society is great, and you're so happy in it, even if you're miserable.  Don't complain.  Whiners are weiners.  Don't rock the boat.
There are problems with living in nature.  Can I get by without showers and toilet paper?  It seems like those things would be the hardest to live without.  Bugs are also a problem.  They are very annoying.  I think I'll start reading books about living off the grid.  All I'd need for entertainment is a library card.  If I ever just walk away from my apt and job, I'd make sure to pack one very important item: the rope I bought, to hang myself with, years ago.  If things didn't work out, I could hang myself from a tree in the middle of nowhere.      

Praying Is Lazy

I touched on this the last time.  First of all, as usual, leaving children and the mentally disabled out of the equation, belief in god works as a basic intelligence test.  If you believe in god, you are not intelligent.  If you don't believe in god, then you might be intelligent. 
Praying is lazy.  Instead of getting off your ass and really doing something for someone, you can just think, "God, please help Gladys."  That's it.  You're done.  Mission accomplished.  You didn't have to get off the couch.  You didn't even have stop stuffing your face with bonbons as though they were going to be discontinued tomorrow. 
This douchebag customer came into my workplace recently.  He's a very talkative piece of shit that has nothing interesting to say.  One day, he came in and told a shitty story.  He had been waiting in line.  An old woman said something about Jesus.  The douchebag said something like, "Well, I'll pray for you right now."  And, according to him, the woman was so fucking surprised and happy.  He finished with this stupid look on his face, that was probably supposed to convey, "Isn't that an incredibly great story?"  Fuck, no.  It's one of the shittiest stories I ever heard.  Perhaps the woman was lonely.  Maybe she needed someone to do things for her that she can't do anymore.  Maybe she needed someone to just spend some time with her.  But, no, that would require time and effort!  Just think, or say, a quick prayer, and you're done!
My mother told me, at least once I can recall, that she was praying for me.  Thanks for nothing.  I could pray that I have intelligent, successful, competent, and caring parents, but that ain't gonna happen. 
Jim Kelly, who is a former pro (American) football player, has had bouts with cancer.  I remember him, on TV, thanking people for their support.  Not sure if I remember exactly what he said, but the important parts, for this subject, are intact.  He thanked them for their cards, messages, and prayers, and, he added, "especially the prayers."  That annoyed me.  If someone is sending a card, or even just posting something on social media, then they're putting in more effort than someone who is just praying.  If you want to do something without doing anything, then pray.